HOW to be a good LISTENER ofSometimes in the course of communication there are misunderstanding not clear offenses feeling of discomfort and. etc. And, it seems, everything is normal, but something all the same not so. Probably each of you had similar feelings or observed them in the interlocutor, article below provided will help you to understand the reasons of emergence of such situations and will help to avoid similar misunderstanding in the course of communication
1. Listen with intention to understand deeply.
Practice in ability to listen attentively, purposefully, without passing anything. Stephen Kovi, author of the book “ 7 habits of highly effective people “ specifies the following: “ You Seek to understand at first and only then - to be a witness. Listen with intention to understand deeply “. Most of people listen at all not with intention to understand; they listen with intention to answer. Sales agents and other specialists in sales often make the specified mistake in excessive eagerness to conclude the bargain.
Allow to acquaint you with the superlistener and the superseller Joe Gandolfo. Joe sells more policies of assurance of life, than any other person in the world. Forget such indicator as one million dollars a year - there was such year when Joe sold an insurance for the total amount of one billion dollars. Yes, it was one billion. With such credentials he deserves that listened to him. “ The biggest problem of specialists in sales consists in what they tell too much and listen insufficiently - - he says. - I believe that for trade the agent and any seller there is a good rule which should be followed: when the potential client stopped speaking, it is necessary. Before most to say though the word, mentally to count to five. Thereby you will be sure that he does not want to report anything else. It is very important “.
When your client or the supplier speaks, it in essence shares with you that he wants what there is no wish for and as he in general feels. He states you his point of view. Unless it is not valuable? However too often all this is missed in an urgent pursuit of signing of the transaction. Sometimes your approach to the client and the presentation are completely ready still earlier, than you will enter doors. And when the client speaks, you only hypocritically pretend as if you attentively listen to his opinion while you actually wait all the time for a second pause to squeeze the word and to state own reasons about the fastest sale. In it the problem also consists. We think as if we already foreknow that they are going to tell there. We think that we know what they want.
2. Listen heart, and not just mind.
the Essence of original listening not that you agree with someone or you propose brilliant solutions; it consists in full comprehension of what problems other person both in emotional, and in the intellectual plan has. You live them together with it, watch at them it eyes and through a prism of its values. You listen attentively not only to what is told, but also in what was not said that remained behind brackets. You listen in search of feelings, emotions. You feel, you intuitively catch, you grope the sense lying out of words. You listen attentively all five of your feelings. Only a little bit of what report to you about, is concluded in words. Be susceptible to all signals and messages proceeding both from consciousness, and from subconsciousness. Trust in the instincts and what you feel. Listen all five feelings.
3. Practice not to allow reason to estimate and plan.
you Watch yourself. You watch how you are disconnected and you begin to plan, thinking out decisions - and all this when the person still continues to speak. You catch yourself on it. Understanding that you act this way - the first step to disposal of this habit. It is impossible to listen at the same time and really and to consider so practice in doing away with such overlapping and only to listen. Be uniform with other person for all hundred percent; do not think of decisions and answers; they will come in the natural way. Only listen and listen all your five feelings.
When our keenness is deep, and the consciousness remains quiet and clear, the perspective look has depth. At that clarity of thinking which original listening gives we have an opportunity to see and hear as all that is told actually, and those things which could remain unexpressed. Our reason hears and catches a set of details, the attention finds truly penetrating and heart-felt character, and feelings become rather deep. At the moments, similar to it, we feel our close coherence with the interlocutor and the potential of internally inherent in both of us how we can help each other. Decisions and inspirations cease to be concealed. It is not required to us “ to calculate “ them; they come in itself, and more wisdom is inherent in them, than we ever could imagine to ourselves.
It is necessary to hear and understand what seek to tell us others of and to be ready to change a manner in which we listen. We have to include in communication with surrounding other important aspects which earlier, perhaps, ignored. The first step to they are to understand how many we lose from - for the old, long ago developed habits.
Allow to tell you one story. It happened to my acquaintance after we spent very fruitful evening, discussing the basic principles of ability to listen and talking about that, how often we in essence do not hear that tell us people around. We planned to gather for the next morning again and to continue our conversation. The colleague got up in 6. The 30th morning had also breakfast when his little daughter came to kitchen to join it. The wife still slept. There passed the couple of minutes when the girl looked at it and told: “ The Daddy, I love you “. He for a moment was dumbfounded, but, having coped with emotions, asked the baby: “ And why you suddenly told it? “ - “ Papulenka! - the daughter answered it - I tell it to you every morning “.
“ I never knew it or never earlier really listened that she to me chirps “ - he honestly told at a meeting. Both of us just continued to sit silently in we wash an office and to look dizzily at each other. How many time we in the course of communication actually are absent?
Thanks that spent the time for reading of my article put it more often into practice then people around will become more attentive in relation to you. Good luck! Write, responses I will answer.]