Rus Articles Journal

How to learn to give and accept love? Part 1.

of the Man and the woman, as a rule, do not understand that their emotional requirements are various. As a result the instinct does not prompt to them how to support each other. Usually men put in the relations with the partner what is necessary and what men want, and women - what is necessary and what women want. Each of them makes a mistake, believing as if and at another the same desires and requirements.

Both men, and women feel same: here I give all myself, and I receive instead of nothing. It seems to everyone that the partner does not recognize and does not appreciate their love. And the truth consists that both though give mutually the love, but not as another would like.

For example, the woman thinks that she shows the love to the partner when asks him one million careful questions or looks at him with concerned expression on a face. It can be rather unpleasant for the man. He will feel under a " cap; also will move away. The woman does not understand in what business: if also cared for her, she would only be grateful. Its efforts to show the love at best are ignored, and in the worst - cause irritation.

When men get down to business, they think too that they show the love, but from similar manifestations the woman feels lonely, left to the mercy of fate. For example, when the woman is upset, manifestation of love and care from the partner is reduced to the comments urged to bring to naught importance of the problems disturbing her. He can tell: Yes do not worry you, it is such nonsense . Or it is even perfect to ignore it, believing what thereby gives to the partner an opportunity to visit its cave and there to recover. What the man considers as support appears for the woman neglect, disrespect, dislike.

The majority of our emotional requirements can be reduced to such formula: need for love. Both at men, and is available for women about six such, peculiar for everyone and equally important, requirements. Men mainly need trust, acceptance their such what they are appreciation, admiration, approval and encouragement. First of all the care, understanding, respect, devotion, recognition and a reinforcement of self-confidence and that everything is good are required for women. To imagine what our partner needs, - a task very difficult, but it will considerably be facilitated if we understand these twelve kinds of needs for love and we will understand them.

Having studied the list which is given below, you will easily guess why to your partner or the partner can seem that it is not loved. And that the most important - this list will specify to you the direction in which it is necessary to work to improve your relations with the representative of an opposite sex when you, perhaps, already absolutely lowered hands.

Certainly, in general each man and each woman need all these twelve kinds of love. And listed in especially female to a column are also important also for men. And vice versa. Speaking prime requirements I mean that only in case of their satisfaction the person is capable to perceive and appreciate other kinds of love really.

The man begins to perceive and appreciate really those six kinds of love which are prime for women (care, understanding, respect, devotion, recognition and a reinforcement of confidence) only after his own priority requirements are satisfied. And, respectively, the woman also needs trust, acceptance such what she is appreciation, admiration, approval and encouragement. But in order that she could estimate them properly, at first her prime requirements have to be satisfied.

1. It needs care, to it - trust.
When the man shows interest in feelings of the partner and sincerely is concerned about her wellbeing, she feels that it is loved, care for it that it special, only for it, - and prime need of the woman is satisfied. Naturally, she begins to test stronger trust to the partner. And thereby reveals towards to it more and more stoutly and it is capable to receive from relationship with the partner much more.

Seeing these changes in the girlfriend, and he begins to feel that really trust it. Means, believe that the man does everything depending on him that his darling it was best. When reaction of the woman reflects such belief, the prime need of the man is satisfied, and automatically he becomes more attentive to its feelings and inquiries.

2. It needs understanding, to it - acceptance by it what it is.
When the man without irritation, and opposite - with sympathy and a keen interest listens to the woman speaking about treasured, she feels that it is heard and understood. The understanding does not assume guessing of thoughts and feelings: it is in taking from heard information and it is correct to estimate it. What more satisfies need of the woman to be heard and understood, it is easier for that to accept it the man it what he is (and it to him and it is necessary).

When the woman meets the man by love, without trying to change it, he feels that it is accepted with all his pluses and minuses. The partner does not consider it as an ideal at all, but lets know: it does not gather to improve it, believing that the man will make it. At such relation it is much easier for it to listen to the partner and to understand her expectations, - and it what she needs.

To be continued]