How we depend on an assessment of people around?When we depend on an assessment of other people, we judge ourselves from what others have told.
If we are estimated well, we rise, become considerable, beautiful, clever, accepted by themselves. And when we are estimated badly - immediately there is a fright. Ours “ I “ internally shudders when we do not meet someone`s expectations.
Once remarkably Mayakovsky told about it: “ I am not a one ruble to be pleasant “.
We are given birth not to be pleasant. First of all, we have to be consciously accepted by ourselves such as is. When the question for us so is not necessary, without having realized itself yet, we very much early fall arms of another and we are immediately lost in these embraces.
The love comes. Other person speaks to us: “ As you are good! “ or “ As you are good! “ And our life begins to buy bright paints. But once we hear “ well “ in the address, our ego on it does not stop. At the next moment if another told once “ well “ he will have to tell us two times “ well “ then three... The understanding is not born in an ego that everything has two parties. If all the time speak to us “ well “ a question only in when another removes the second part. Surely, sooner or later, also the second party which is behind admiration and delight will be shown us. Being in enthusiasm, we do not suspect about it and as butterflies we fly on fire of it “ well “.
After “ well “ comes “ badly “. Nobody so quarrels as lovers, as beloved, those who promised each other very much. When the delight peak is reached, the man admires the woman, the woman admires the man, apparently, now they have to carry out the life thanking, each other, supporting this delight and to live so till the end of time. But suddenly, later some time, they see that all not so. Not as they imagined. Also sufferings begin.
We were told “ badly “ and we in despondency: we are not praised, not loved, are not interested in us and so on. If we do not know anything about ourselves, then in words of another all our life, and we see nothing behind words. He speaks “ well “ - and flight, it speaks “ badly “ - and we fall in a chasm. Everything depends on another if we are strangers for ourselves.
Teenagers especially need the help of sensibleness when to them the first love comes, the first love passion, literally carrying away the soil from - under legs. They need understanding themselves that they did not lose themselves because subsequently failures of the first love are a reason for many, people adult already - not to love, not to enter the deep relations, not to be deep in sex.
In life everything occurs not as it is represented in mind. As a result, the loss for an ego is caused immediately - with the first unsuccessful, cancelled love the shock, because comes that turned out not as it was expected. Consequences of it sometimes stretch for the rest of life. And the person from pain, for fear to come to similar grief further, avoids the deep relations. Its mental self-defense works in such a way that in the love relations he does not relax for a moment, controlling each movement, measuring and commensurating the events. It seems to it that once again he will not stand such pain.
When we learn to realize ourselves, we remain are attentive to ourselves at every moment of our life, and, passing through the first experience of love, a lot of things open to us. We see that the first, from - for what we suffer - it is not mental anguish, but the pain connected with destruction of projections.
The relations with other people will be always important for us. But the live relations are not under construction according to projections and representations because the same feelings of an obmanutost, frustration and disappointment will be result. The disappointment can be hidden from itself, having suppressed in subconsciousness, and it is possible to recognize that it is and to live with it. Then we are not closed from other person. We will be capable to change these relations or we will be able to leave them and to remain open for new meetings, for the new relations.
And to us it is not necessary to miss life because we will go together with it, without closing eyes to the events, and, so being trained to see reality and to live in reality, and it also is adulthood.]