How to keep a family in our hard time?the Ubiquitous statistics is relentless - the number of divorces grows constantly. The institute of a family and marriage “goes to pieces“. People have any more neither religious, nor economic reasons to keep families in which life became sad.
In the last several years in Russia on 100 got married nearly 80 stains are necessary! The majority of marriages break up on the first year of joint life! The youth marrying is often not ready that the family is not only appointments, pleasant meetings and passionate sex, it also ability to reckon with opinion of other person, to respect his feelings, to agree …
Presently the family does not bear any more those functions which it carried out some time ago. We are already not so heated by the status of “head of the family“ or “lawful spouse“, the rank of the family person is not so attractive any more and obligatory as earlier. About joint life we now too not the highest opinion, provided it is much simpler to person to have the housemaid, than the wife. It is simpler to raise children one (one) too, than in the grown hateful marriage, especially now professional nurses, governesses, tutors can help with it. About sex about which many years ago said that “it is not in the USSR“ and it is not necessary to speak. This about fifty years ago, marrying, young people got access “to the legalized sex“. Sexual revolution did not pass also Russia, our youth with ease enters the sexual relations, without thinking of any there “stamps in the passport“. And people are more senior, both family, and lonely, too know how it is possible to solve these problems and requirements. It is not obligatory to marry for this purpose at all.
In a word, at first sight seems that the modern person a family it seems as well as “has nothing“, any does not solve problems, and creates much. you Know
, it is very good that the reasons for which people married earlier disappeared by itself. Because now the family can solve problems more difficult and more important. And for the sake of it people consciously marry, and consciously do everything possible that to keep it. The family helps people to feel favourite, necessary, not lonely. The family gives to the person feeling of heat, understanding, security, the back. You will tell, it is dream, a utopia, so does not happen? I will answer that I am sincerely sorry that your experience so negative, and, certainly I will agree that so happens not always. But so happens, so is, so live, thank God, - loving very many families, respecting, understanding, accepting and supporting the friend - the friend. There is a lot of happy families, and they give to the members invaluable things - approval, support, acceptance, a community of values and interests, and a lot of things are many other things!
Thanks to what people happily and in peace and friendship live in the families? To someone has the luck to be born in a family where respect for the identity of other person - the norm where everyone supports everyone, and this principle passes from father to son. Someone, on the contrary, grew in difficult conditions and promised to construct the family differently, and at it it turned out. Someone looked for answers to the questions in books, on trainings, in the psychologist`s reception, worked on himself, shared reflections with the partner, and the family took place, became the union understanding the friend - the friend of people. Many women try to keep the family relations for the sake of children, and sometimes (but not always!) it bears fruit - offenses pass, and the family remains.
About how it is important for the child to be brought up in a full family, I want to tell separately. It is known that men and women - “carriers“ of various social programs, installations. Both the boy, and the girl in the childhood need to get acquainted with both parental beginnings - both man`s, and female, differently it will be more difficult for child to grow the complete personality. Mother gives to the child heat, love, acceptance, caress, emotionality. The father influences reason, cultivates discipline in the child, learns to cope patiently with difficulties, to believe in itself. Besides, any two parents is a couple of different characters, examples of the different relation to life, to development of reality, these are two different personalities, each of which has strong and weaknesses. Depriving of the child of communication or presence at his life of one of parents, we limit possibilities of development of the child, his development of the world of people and a material world.
Of course, it is very heavy to give advice, how to keep a family, without seeing before itself living people, and without knowing specific problems of a family (though, of course, in many families these problems are very similar). But all - I will try to make it because I want to help people to build the normal, harmonious relations and therefore I will give the most general advice:
1. Think over for what you need a family … If it is possible - discuss it with the spouse. Feel and realize why it is really important to keep a family for you. Believe that a happy family, with benevolent, respect of family members to each other - it is not a utopia, but reality. There is a lot of such families, and people in them are really happy, and, the most important - happy children, and these children &ndash grow in such families; future happy adults.
2. If you made the decision to keep your relations, it is necessary that both spouses were ready to personal changes. It is necessary to make concessions, to learn to understand and accept, to change, look for new ways of interaction with the partner.
3. You are respectful to each other. Always you remember that other person has the life experience, the family baggage, the system of values …
4. Try to pronounce the doubts, expectations, disappointments. Do not accumulate freight of offenses and regrets to splash out them at the most inappropriate moment …
5. If in your family there are problems, and it is impossible to solve them in any way, do not save them, address experts. There is no opportunity to use services of the qualified psychologist or family consultant, address books of professionals on this matter.
6. People are united, first of all, by joint activity, so to speak, “family idea“. What do you like to be engaged in everything together? To travel? To build a country house? To go hiking? To do needlework? Do you have an interesting hobby, a hobby with which you can “infect“ also the children? Live in peace and friendship in those families where there is no time to miss where adults and children have fascinating occupations where joint plans are made, the general wishes are made.
7. And at the same time, observe balance between carrying out leisure of a family by all structure and separate carrying out time by each spouse, sometimes “have a rest from each other“ … There are such families which always and everywhere together, and everyone feels a little “in a cage“. Leave some quantity of free vital space and yourself, and the spouse … Everyone can sometimes have a desire to be alone, have a rest from communication, from vanity, to look round, consider the life … You treat it quietly and with understanding, the excessive proximity sometimes just “smothers“, both men, and women.
8. Humour and positive, game and creativity! Try the reproaches to show to the husband and children not grumbling tone, and “to sing“ on motive of a popular song! To put the discontent with a disorder in the house not into words, and to draw the poster with a protest! The effect will pleasantly surprise you. Children and the husband will cheer up and it will become easier for you! Cheerful mother there is a wish to obey, cooperate with her! Instead of routine and boredom call in the family of a joke, laughter, game! Problems are solved quicker and more simply when you treat them quietly and with humour!