To forgive change. How?the Formulation of a question in the title sends the reader to the superbest-seller on pedagogics which author offers technological steps according to the solution of educational questions. Further it is offered to consider technological steps on work with the emotional state as a result of decision-making to keep a family after change.
Such statement of a question is important as a set of popular sources write about importance of forgiveness or at least acceptances of the fact of change because otherwise the relations all the same will collapse sooner or later. Nobody argues with the fact that it is important, equal as nobody says how to make it.
So, there was a change which became known. Proceeding from the most various motives (children, money, the status … etc.) the decision to keep the relations is made. Here the woman often risks to make the most widespread mistake, from - behind which the forgiveness becomes unattainable. She considers that the man has to wash away guilt for an adultery.
“You made a mistake which not to expiate“. More precisely, “which you will be to bath infinitely long“... At first the husband tries to correct something, to guess what to make at last to receive forgiveness. Again and again natykayas on rejection and a remembering of all list of sins, at some moment waves a hand and stops attempts to improve. For the woman who played in not forgiveness it becomes additional confirmation of her correctness: “I and knew that you should not have forgiven! Here and correctly that I did not forgive!“ The circle becomes isolated, the family is fixed on the way of destruction.
That moment when the woman faces refusal of the husband to submit for former sins, in fact, the last when to rescue of the family integrity it is possible to come relatively with small losses. Everything that will occur further, can be sent to the constructive course and lead to preservation of a family (a family, but not just neighbour`s cohabitation), but it will be essential to cost big efforts.
Therefore it is important to give itself time and an opportunity to exhaust concerning an event. It is better to do it consciously, having listened to the requirements: for someone best of all will approach to go alone for the dacha, to wander on vicinities, to abandon pebbles with claims; to someone is more effective for release from emotions to make grandiose scandal in which once and for all to place points over and that it is more to it not to come back. The important rule - not to come back to a change subject.
To forget, most likely, it will not turn out. Essential step in the direction of acceptance of an event renaming of an event becomes frequent. The most widespread name of change - treachery. It is worth trying to designate differently for itself that situation. Now, while it passes “Treachery“ under a label, it causes a storm of unpleasant feelings. How it is possible to designate the change fact differently?
Compare two phrases:
the Husband made treachery... - what feelings are caused by this phrase what pictures before eyes arise what thoughts - explanations begin to turn in the head?
the Husband made a mistake... - what feelings are caused by this phrase what pictures before eyes arise what thoughts - explanations begin to turn in the head?
As if you designated distinction in these states? Try to formulate.
It is possible to go further and to formulate the phrase:
the Husband made nonsense … - and to compare the arising feelings. Then to choose the phrase causing the most comfortable feelings and further to call change only the chosen word.
the Following transformation has to concern explanations of an event.
The most widespread explanation inside - for-: I to it gave short something, he went to look for the better lot … Such formulation, as well as the change nomination, causes many bitter feelings. Therefore it also should be transformed in a way which is the most acceptable for itself.
For example, the husband went to be convinced that I the best that he can have he. Further we join with the changed designation of a situation of change. If it is nonsense, then it is obvious what silly to look for dobra from good. Now my husband understood it on own experience. And here it is important to listen to what feelings arise in response to various formulations. The choice again behind the phrase causing the most comfortable set of feelings.
Such exercise should be carried out several times a day. It will allow if not to forgive change, then, at least, to canalize negative feelings that they did not prevent to restore the relations.