Whether there is a limit of human kindness?Since the childhood we teach the children to be kind and to help the friends. Growing, our children acquire from the life experience that those to whom they help very quickly perceive it as due and vividly mount upon a neck to helping. From there is a simple question: to what limits it is worth being good to people and how not to cross that side when the help can backfire to itself?
Helping others, we thus show the sympathy and sympathy to other person. People for whom we want to make something pleasant and kind is our family, relatives, friends or employees with whom we work. At the same time we take very much to heart a difficult situation into which the person got. Involuntarily we try on circumstances of an event on ourselves, and it strengthens our compassion to the neighbor.
Present: you go down the street, on asphalt the elderly person with a cap in hand sits and begs, you stop, get money and stretch to it. In you feeling that you helped it, having shown mercy. Coming back home in several hours on the same street, you saw the same person, he lay in a ditch drunk. It turns out so that you, having given money to the beggar, aggravated its state. Having gathered enough money, he went to the nearest shop and instead of food bought a cheap bum wine …
When you help close people, for hundred percent are sure that your acquaintance, really, needs your participation and the help as it got to trouble. In this case your empathy and support serves business of mercy and good.
If you often help someone under various circumstances, then inside hope that if something happens to you, this person will come to the rescue too, without deliberating. Such mutual understanding and support strengthen contacts and allow to feel the friend`s shoulder in pleasure and a grief.
Not all, however, understand that the help and support have to be mutual. Receiving from you the help constantly, the person tells long thanksgiving speeches... also expects from you the next gift. Possibly, such situation cannot proceed indefinitely. It is necessary to distinguish such “konsument“ in time and to keep aloof from it. You - not a milk cow.
The Roman philosopher - racks Seneca Lutsy Ania noticed: “Everywhere, where there is a person, there is an opportunity to show kindness“. Fortunately, what philosophers in antique times spoke about, is now realized in many countries of the world in the form of charity and volunteering. In the USA, for example, constantly there are places of acceptance and containers where anyone can hand over or put clothes, footwear, toys for children, furniture, electronics. All this can serve still people who have no opportunity to buy these things. It is charity - disinterested aid to strangers who need it.
Often before Thanksgiving Day and on the Christmas`s eve on the USA “food jars“ where everyone can bring food are opened: canned food, boxes of cookies, candies, the frozen carcasses of turkeys, fruit etc. Before a holiday the needing families will receive boxes with provisions and will be able to make a festive dinner. Still the Prelate John Chrysostom learned: “When you will feed poor, consider that fed himself … Given by us will return to us“.
Volunteering is when people devote the time and a labor of love to help persons in need. For example, recently I saw on TV as the group of the American women of a retirement age organized the crew helping to repair roofs of houses of lonely pensioners. How many pleasure and gratitude was in the opinion of elderly people when the unexpected help with the advent of these kind women - “angels from a roof“ came!
Speaking about charity, it is necessary to mention its reverse side which it is possible to call social parasitism. Its essence consists that as soon as the people ready to help someone then as phoenixes are formed of ashes cheapskates who want to profit for someone else`s account appear.
I will give an example from the American life. In the USA there is a profession: to be single mother. In this role black women who from generation to generation give “the craft“ act. Girls begin to give birth years in 15, have 5 - 7 children. Receive from the state and various charitable organizations monetary and medical care, social housing, grocery coupons, are constantly grazed in “food banks“. Girls from such families will go in the footsteps of mother, the grandmother and the great-grandmother. Boys early begin to be engaged in robbery, sit down on drugs, and then become regular customers of the American prisons. In the USA now about 7 million such mummies.
To what limits human kindness can stretch? In order that cheapskates and swindlers did not use your kindness, it is necessary to remember the next moments:
• Always it is necessary to care, first of all, for himself, but not to wait that you will be helped by the person whom you once supported.
• It is necessary to place priorities correctly: in the beginning you help relatives, friends, and then all the rest.
• If you are asked about the help, then it is important to understand how urgently it is required that needs to be made how many it will borrow time.
• If you for any reasons are not able to give help, apologize because it is not necessary to do even good deeds to the detriment of himself.
• The help which you can render to friends can be subdivided on urgent and not urgent. If, for example, someone from your friends in hospital, then it is necessary to visit urgently it with gifts. If someone from colleagues asks to make for it something, so far he has a rest on the Bahamas, then you can satisfy its request when you have time.
You have to decide what help will be given to the person whether there is in it a severe need, whether it is feasible for you. All this is analyzed, proceeding from a concrete situation. Any help can be given reasonably. Do not allow anybody to mount you upon a neck and to use your kindness in the mercenary purposes.