How to cope with impudence of the teenager?Teenage age are not only difficult, but also very interesting period of development of any personality. Besides physical maturing and a growing, the young man or the girl emotionally evolves at the psychological level.
In a family of manifestation of it are various: does not perceive parents as the infallible authority and does not admire them (as happened earlier), criticizes views and acts of parents, acquires opposite views concerning system of values of the parents, show intolerance almost to any criticism, at persistence of parents can come to the state close to rage.
In the opinions the teenager can be categorical: caustic statements hardly give pleasure for parents whose patience at this stage is subjected to test. All this complicates contact between parents and children and breaks the family harmony built for years. Parents of teenagers at this age of a growing are unanimous in symptoms of behavior of the pupils - claim that the teenager follows an example of friends, and school affairs very little them interest. And it is the truth. In development of the personality there are several stages, and time when the bigger authority has the society surrounding it, the company, friends whose main advantage before parents - the general values and interests came.
In this situation when “searches“ of the changed teenagers threaten to lead to trouble, parents should not remain indifferent, as if difficultly was. There are several types of the wrong behavior of parents which only aggravate a situation, provoke the teenager to more courageous decisions, such as frank roughness, theft, wrecking from a criminal component, withdrawal from the house. Here several councils in this respect.
Do not reproach the developing personality, do not remember stories, important for you, that diligently worked with the husband since early years, and parents should respect and obey literally in everything, otherwise punishment by a belt followed. Nevertheless borders of behavior of the child of the house should be established correctly, but it is persistent, and absolutely rough speeches of the house cannot be allowed, though permissibly to the teenager to have other opinion.
Will not lead to good and if strongly to quash self-respect of the teenager. It can bring to even the worst, than before, to skirmishes. On the contrary, focus attention on its advantages and pluses of current situation. For example, a good sign is that the child at this age has friends with whom he well feels. Remind he (she) that you appreciate this circumstance and the identity of friends not less him. It will allow to become allies in the matter.
Then develop success. Acts of the son or daughter and sometimes their plans should be controlled, important to establish time frames of arrival home and borders in another matters. Use of the Internet should be limited so that not to spend in it time, for example, after 22 hours in days of school lessons. It is desirable to control the tasks performed on the Internet. The days off - another matter, but it is impossible to allow children to be engaged at all in such affairs which disturb a night dream of other family members.
Establishment of borders has to be proved by parents, and by means of it it is possible to teach the child to respect other people. One of arguments maybe it: “you here not one“. Including it will protect from a bad example of younger brothers and sisters in a large family.
Psychologists know that the teenager revolts against all instructions and restrictions, but, on the other hand, you should not concede to him in important questions. Though he extols the maturity and the fact that he copes also wants to solve the affairs, it is useful to remind on a real example that he all - cannot be responsible for himself legally. For now it so, interaction with parents is obligatory also this question out of discussion.
Quite often in practice it happens so that having been too independent or forced to bear responsibility for affairs for which did not ripen yet, the teenager has feeling of vulnerability later, having made the wrong act, addresses for support first of all relatives (if contact at the emotional level is not broken yet). It is a good sign. And in this situation it is impossible to push away the teenager, whatever mistake he made.
Throwings between the good and evil are quite typical for teenagers. To parents can be heavy to watch that the young child spends the young years absolutely differently, than they in due time. But rejoice also to the fact that he (she) does not need to work for receiving means of livelihood yet and that he can quietly mature. I cannot but quote allegory of one familiar psychologist: “You were as flowers in the dry earth, and it can freely grow on a fertile soil“.
The relations in a family are under construction including on understanding of mutual interests. The rare teenager is capable to understand how he in a different way you as parents, you perceive this situation, and can consider your moralizing speeches irritating. Especially in such cases when comparisons become during quarrels.
On psychological practice I remember a case when misunderstanding was critical. The girl - the teenager left from the house because as she explained subsequently, “… parents did not understand anything and were incapable to understand the misunderstanding“. Therefore in this difficult work the compromise, but a correct and persistent position is necessary.
And except other, do not give a reason to the son or the daughter to consider you unworthy, do not lose prestige; if something was promised to be made, including it concerns also preventive and remedial measures (to the teenager), then they need to be carried out. Otherwise “tail“ will learn “to wag“ a dog. For now rejoice also to the fact that the psychological unbalance peculiar to young age passes usually by 18 - 19 years. Certainly, adjusted for a sex of the child and his identity.