How to include charm on full? Whether by Layfkhaki from the former FBI agent
you Consider yourself charming? You want to win hearts, without pronouncing the uniform word to make excellent first impression, to understand motives of people and to maintain the strong long friendly relations? The specialist in the behavioural analysis, the former FBI agent Jack Shafer shares verbal and nonverbal secrets of charm.
With these psychological receptions you will be able to become more attractive, learn to make true friends and to achieve any objectives. The gun and dark glasses for this purpose will be necessary for you. The joke, points are not necessary.
the Girl in the bar
- Few weeks ago we were with Tim in the bar. He told us about your lectures on rendering influence and creation of the confidential relations.
- And what?. - I asked, still without understanding where he drives.
- Tim bragged that on occupations learned how to get acquainted with any girl. We, of course, did not believe it and decided to test it. We chose the first woman who sat in the bar, and suggested Tim to invite her without uniform word to sit down at our little table to drink.
- And what he made? - I took an interest.
- It accepted a call, - the cadet exclaimed. - We decided that he went crazy and undertakes too much. But in forty five minutes the woman also really approached our little table and asked whether she cannot sit in our company. We stared in disbelief, but everything occurred quite so.
Big three of signals of friendliness
Game by eyebrows. the Fast vskidyvaniye lasting about the one sixth fraction of a second is the first, main and main friendly signal. When people, coming nearer, throw up eyebrows, they thereby show that do not pose for each other threat.
Ducking. Very friendly signal. The people bowing at communication on one side seem each other much more attractive and credible in comparison with those who during conversation hold the head directly.
Smile. Powerful signal of friendliness. The smiling face seems more attractive, nice, less haughty. The smile means confidence, content and enthusiasm and, the most important, demonstrates recognition of equality with the interlocutor.
If you want to find the friend, then responsibility for creation of mutual trust and understanding lays down on you. And if intend to continue the relations, you should strengthen mutual understanding to turn a priyatelstvo into strong friendly bonds. Force of the new relations language of a touch transfers to
At communication almost inexhaustible scale of feelings, for example: consent, love, community of views, attraction, support, appeal to attention, manual, a congratulation, a greeting, a hint on desire of more intimate relations. The touch is of great importance in attempt to establish friendly relations. According to numerous scientific researches, even the casual touch can affect in the most drama way perception, feelings and the attitudes towards us of other person.
Safely it is possible to check force of the new relations, having incidentally run fingers over the back of a palm of the interlocutor. In most cases people suffer such “casual“ gesture even if you are not pleasant to them, but unconsciously their body sends a signal of acceptance or rejection.
Next time when somebody thanks you for the rendered service, you do not tell “please“, tell: “It is sure, on my place you would make for me the same“. Such answer appeals to feeling of reciprocity. Now the person will be located to render you service when you about it ask.
Increase of a rank
to raise a self-assessment of the interlocutor and to be pleasant to it, use verbal reception of increase in a rank. Sometimes increase of a rank has an appearance of a simple compliment.
Once I got acquainted with the beginning politician from Republican Party. Having talked to it several minutes about policy, I told that its manner of communication reminds Ronald Reagan`s style. The young man was literally inflated with pride and began to tell me about the family, college where he studied, and about many other so personal belongings. His behavior demonstrated that it like to me trust. Take
in allies endorphins
during sports activities or fitness in a brain produces endorphins. These special chemicals cause inflow of cheerfulness and good mood - so-called muscular pleasure.
How to apply this knowledge to be pleasant to the one who interests you? Let`s say you want to invite someone to appointment, but wish to increase as much as possible the chances of receiving a consent. If the object of your attention jogs or is regularly engaged in a gym, try to arrange a “casual“ meeting during these occupations or right after their termination. At the first meeting it is absolutely optional to tell something. Only one stay row at the time of action of a positive side effect increases your appeal in the opinion of object of your interest, so, and chance of appointment.
the Golden rule of friendship
If you want to be pleasant to the person, make so that it was pleasant to itself(himself). If during communication with you the interlocutor begins to treat better himself, then he will feel sincere gratitude that you managed to cause in it this feeling.
If there is a rule for setting of the strong friendly relations with the help of verbal communication, then it is possible to formulate it so:
Than better to you manages to induce the interlocutor to be spoken span, than more attentively you listen to it, than show more sympathy and the more positively react to his words, the probability is higher that you will manage to ennoble it in own eyes, and, therefore, the more you will be pleasant to it.
Skill of communication consists in trifles: in a look, a smile, a touch, the kind word told at the right time. If to find for it time, you will be able to become very attractive and influential person.
On materials of the book “We Include Charm by a Technique of Intelligence Agencies“ of Jack Shafer and Marvin Karlins.