How to remove from a neck... mother?Old age - not pleasure. Whether it is worth living with such installation? Or just it is worth living?
Anna Borisovna, waking up one in the apartment, at once turned on loudly big TV hanging on a wall. Slowly putting on warm socks, reflected: “Now I will wash, I will give an insulin injection, I will have breakfast and I will watch “A fashionable sentence“. Then I will listen to news, then I will give an injection, I will have dinner, I will listen to news, I will take a nap, I will give an injection, I will have supper“ … Between a lunch and a dinner it zadryomyvat.
Having regained consciousness to news, gave the last injection, had supper the second time and filled up under night transfer of Vanya Urgant.
Day after day. Day after day.
Once a week the daughter came. Scolded mother for dirty ware and a peel from sunflower seeds on a carpet, scrubbed the plate splashed by fat, changed a bed, nastiryvat a lot of linen or ironed, putting equal piles in a case. Anna Borisovna tripped on the apartment for the daughter running with the vacuum cleaner and tried to tell which of actors or politicians married, ruined, died. She poured surnames and dates, in detail describing all vital peripetias of popular people, but here could not remember in any way where her new dressing gown or slippers was touched. The daughter exploded angry shouts: “Mother, me it is uninteresting! You can not disturb me? I so many cases should be in time, and you distract me!“
Anna Borisovna did not take offense. “I am silent, I am silent!“ - she answered and right there began to tell something from news.
Anna Borisovna`s Daughter addressed me with complaints to mother.
- I for it do everything: on shops I run, in policlinic for hours with it I sit. Washing, cleaning too on me! And all nothing, but mother absolutely mounted to me upon a neck! Constantly confuses drugs, will take not that pill, to himself will give not that injection. She speaks supposedly absolutely blind. I on a big leaf largely painted with it when and what to accept, so she all the same manages to confuse. And I do not understand how a running line in news it can read it and where it is necessary, sees nothing!
Lida began to cry after these words and a constrained voice added:
- I was so tired …
For me became obviously that the reason of Lidiny tears not only in mother, and still that day we told about their relationship.
During crisis of the entry into an old age of people chooses the strategy of aging. Someone makes this choice consciously, and someone - is not present. Anyway, sources of this decision lie at earlier age. Not each person sees a possibility of further progressive development of the personality and chooses as sense of a new stage of life - “survival“, directed to preservation of as individual.
Crisis of transition to an old age is first of all identity crisis. Aging signs are more and more distinctly shown. Understanding of an old age is painful and leads to various internal conflicts. The person, observing discrepancy between the grown old body and not changed consciousness of the personality, begins to listen attentively to the organism, it is fixed on feelings of own body. From where do not undertake, the infinite quantity of the diseases which are shown against geomagnetic dependence undertakes. There pricked, there squeezed, and all this by a rain or to snowfall. Also the line of pensioners in policlinic to the therapist, the very young doctor who “so attentively listens to all grows not that former“.
The special attention should be paid to retirement. Still yesterday you are dear employee knowing where as as. All run to you behind council, cite you as an example, listen to each your word. And today you - “nobody and to call you in any way“. Former colleagues pass by, sometimes even without having greeted.
Sharp deterioration in financial position is added to all this.
Time of loss of relatives to which time is rare who comes it appears is ready. The depression and despair overtake.
The family (children, grandsons) who was near would also be glad to help the loved one, but all efforts often lead to a boomerang effect.
It also occurred in the relations of Lida and her mother. The daughter, seeking to facilitate Anna Borisovna`s experiences in connection with loss of the partner in life, actively joined in mother`s life though already many years they moved away from each other in every sense enough. It began to accompany Anna Borisovna in shop and in policlinic, to the dentist and the hairdresser, exempted mother from all house efforts. Anna Borisovna did not show any interest in affairs of the daughter or the adult grandson at whom, by the way, the baby was born recently.
After several consultations Lida decided to change tactics of the behavior with mother.
In one of days she came to Anna Borisovna and resolutely declared:
- So, mother, all! We begin new life! More you have no time to be ill, you have many cases now. I bought you a doggie. She should be walked, fed and accustomed to all dog knowledge.
Anna Borisovna razokhatsya with affection at the sight of a small toychik. All evening the smile did not descend from her face.
Lida began to invite mother to all family holidays, acquainted with the friends and colleagues. Every day in the morning she called mother and told it about the plans in which surely there was a place for Anna Borisovna`s participation. When there came the summer, Anna Borisovna undertook to cultivate a small ground near the house. Someone from friends dug up, someone brought fertilizers.
Soon Anna Borisovna very much changed, she became better to hear, see, show interest in a gastronomic delicacy and volume as grows and the great-granddaughter develops her.
Of course, work on overcoming of crisis of an old age has to be conducted not one day. It is not enough to expand a circle of contacts of the pensioner and to provide it the place for vigorous social activity. The elderly person and his relatives should endure a lot of things anew, to realize and accept.
Understanding of an extremity of own existence appears the most difficult for acceptance. For this reason the old age begins to be perceived as an illness which can be cured if strictly to observe doctor`s instructions or to accept all known and advertized preparations.
There is other extreme when the elderly person behaves so as if life is not expensive to him any more: confuses medical appointments or at all forgets to take medicine.
Important it is necessary to add: the old age is the period of completion of incomplete affairs.
Lida kept many years offense on the mother for the fact that once that preferred to leave it with the little son on hands and to go in other country to look after the dying grandmother. The grandmother died 12 years. During this time Anna Borisovna created the relations with the man and itself did not seek to return to the daughter. Lida lifted the son one, it was necessary to work hard. The boy of dews the difficult child, as they say, was necessary “to take“ with him. When the grandmother died, Anna Borisovna got over to live to the man, but in a year he had a stroke, and Anna Borisovna turned into the nurse again. Own health sharply worsened, and it, having left the beloved and a native home, returned to the daughter.
Lida hard transferred return of mother. Instead of the assistant expected for many years “burden“ returned to a family. Lida was angry and cried, she was irritated in mother by everything to trifles. And still she strenuously showed care of it.
Once between them there was a straight talk, Lida stated the long-term offense in angry words. Anna Borisovna became puzzled, tried to be protected, explaining to the daughter that differently she could not arrive.
Within a year they still any time talked, remembered the past, thought of the future. This talk was necessary to both of them. Each of them, including themselves before the victim, began to realize degree of own responsibility for everything that occurred and occurs in their life now.
At night the husband, the missing person dreamed Anna Borisovna more than 20 years ago. He entered it into the close house and mandative tone enjoined to make in it repair. “I will not do anything to you here! - Anna Borisovna objected. - And I am not going to remain with you here!“
It woke up in beams of the full moon and long lay not movably, reflecting over that why it appeared on this planet.