How to help the son grow the real man?When in a family appear the boy it is necessary to understand that it is not just the child, and future man. And what it will be, depends in many respects on parents. The father, the senior man in the house, sets the tone - his behavior will become the base for character of future man. But also mother plays a significant role in formation of the son.
Here in a growing of sons first of all it would also be desirable to talk about a role of mother. And a component most important here - mother`s love. Not for nothing about it - boundless, forgiving and understanding everything, deep - say: “blind love“. Mothers quite often do not think that such excessive love in all the manifestations can prevent the boy to become the real man.
First of all, the excessive love is expressed in excessive care. And this aspiration to protect the child from everything - everything, since diapers (from the slightest drafts and bruises) and nearly till an old age, preserving “sonny“ against any work, difficulties. From such relation in the child laziness, a bezvolnost, egoism can develop. The child, without having learned to cope in the childhood with difficulties, will hardly well cope with it in adulthood. No, to love the son and to worry about him - not badly. Just everything has to be moderately, within limits.
Practical advice to young mothers:
1. Do not “lisp“ excessively, let`s the little man most overcome fear, to show the force and courage. Reconcile that scratches, cones of a neotvratima and are useful.
2. You praise often, but for good reason, especially if the child made something or just for the first time tries to make it.
3. Consider the son as the real man (courageous, strong, kind), you say to him that it such and it will be - it is not empty compliments, it is your support, approval.
4. Give to the child the chance to be and independent - to do that he can most, let more slowly and not always correctly.
5. Besides and about other men at the child you do not speak badly, especially about the father.
And now and about the father. It is a little simpler to it to understand (on the one hand) the son, his behavior. Fathers not such excessively disturbing, as mothers. They, roughly saying, for that the child himself got up if falls. Besides sons reach for fathers more, imitate them. Here and hitch: fathers need to monitor the behavior and words always.
It is possible to give also to fathers several practical advice (I hope, they will listen):
1. Respect the child and you do not shame him for the fact that he is afraid of something, cannot make. He needs to be taught, to support. Fathers just, unlike mother, need to show love slightly more.
2. Do not humiliate, do not offend and do not laugh at the son - to his self-assessment it will strongly do much harm. Besides, the more often you will offend and consider it “bad“, the stronger the thought will sit down at it that it is such and is.
3. Do not use force as an education method (no comments).
4. You treat women with respect and first of all to the child`s mother - the son follows an example of you.
5. Accustom him to man`s occupations, to work.
The main thing that parents reached a consent among themselves, adhered to one line of conduct, resolved and forbade the same things. In families where the strict father and forgiving mother, the child will have ambiguous attitudes towards parents: he will love mother, and the father to be afraid.
In formation of the boy on the way of the man should talk about familiarizing with work and its role separately:
1. Since the early childhood (showing on the example and slowly acquainting with it the son) develop concept of an order in the child - let learns to collect toys, to put and hang up things after walk.
2. Try that the child did something itself (first with your help) - made a bed, put on - put shoes on, carried plates on kitchen.
3. Encourage the son even for aspiration, let at it not from the first times everything will turn out ideally.
4. Have patience and do not deprive of an opportunity something to do - on the contrary, direct, you praise and you thank.
5. And of course, do not beat off desire, forcing also shout.
6. Encourage reasonably. If it constantly are sweets and gifts, that is probability that soon the child will consider it for due and otherwise anything will be done.
7. Fathers, repair, repair and make something with sons! Begin with the broken toy, gradually complicating a task.
8. Do not forbid if the son wants to do that the father considers as exclusively female and mother`s care - to wash, clean up, cook food. Rejoice to it.
9. Welcome sport, since simple charging, physical development is necessary for boys.
Yes, fathers play an important role in education of sons by men. And how to be in those situations (which, unfortunately, are quite widespread now) when there is no father and mother herself raises the son? How to be to single mother wishing to grow up the son the real man and the full-fledged member of society?
Of course, words you will help a little here. But all - - some a practical advice to the lonely mothers who are bringing up sons:
1. You do not speak badly about the father of the child and about men in general, the son can transfer it to himself.
2. Try to find an opportunity for the son to communicate with men: the grandfather, the uncle, the brother or acquaintances - it is necessary that he followed an example of man`s behavior and thinking.
3. You should not sponsor the son excessively.
4. As far as possible develop independence in the boy. Remarkably, if the son not only cope with the feasible duties, but also to help mother.
5. By the way, be not afraid to ask the son about the help. Seeing and understanding your heavy work, he will be respectful to women.
6. Surely always you thank for the help and you praise, let the child feel necessary, significant, strong.
7. Do not impose it the opinion, and on the contrary - advise, allow to choose, most to make decisions.
8. Define tendencies, abilities of the son and develop his talents.
9. With the son be frank, discuss with him that is pleasant to you in people, in particular, in men - for example, in heroes of books and movies.
10. Only the sincere, friendly, confidential relations will help you to bring up the son the personality and the real man.
But all these councils it is easy to write, it is much more difficult to adhere to them. And the most difficult - to catch that notorious golden mean in education, in love, care, granting independence and freedom etc. How to make so that it is not enough to care, but not to grow up the egoist, to love, but not to spoil?
Extremes much more meet in life more often. Mothers and grandmothers “zabalovyvat“ children more often, bring up them, protecting from everything. Do not charge them any duties, all do for them. Further such children not only will avoid physical work, but also will not be able to solve own problems and to overcome difficulties. The man who grew up in such conditions can be irresponsible, dependent, selfish.
At least also other form of “excess“ in education when families the atmosphere of severity reigns meets. The child is often punished for disobedience, not allowed most to solve and choose. Nothing, except fear, aggression, embitternment, uncertainty and complex, parents in the sons by similar methods develop. The cruel relation from parents, use of force will not allow the child to develop as the personality. In order that he, for example, adhered to an order and discipline, it is better not to force, and to direct.
And that, and other line of conduct (hyper guardianship or permissiveness) will bear to parents not the most desirable fruits of education. It is difficult to find border, golden mean, but it is possible and it is extremely necessary. The son needs to be respected, appreciated, supported, loved. And, above all, to be for it a friend in the best understanding of this word. And then he will grow up courageous, strong, independent, honest, kind!