Children in an incomplete family of
the Psychologist in advisory practice often faces that the divorced women have sense of guilt before the child for the fact that they could not keep the father in a family: “How the child without father?“ . Not all women understand that a problem not that there is no father, and in its psychological state, in that sense of guilt and regrets which she at the same time endures.
Life develops differently. And to regret about what already occurred, constantly to touch some episodes in memory, to reproach itself or others it does not make sense. All are guilty of situations of a gap and nobody. It is necessary to live in the present, but not past. Sense of guilt in this case is dangerous and senseless.
“Guilty“ mother, trying to correct a situation, entirely devotes himself to the child. As a result such women it is much more, than follows, are anxious about the children, try to sponsor and control each their step, begin to show consideration for minor moments of life of the child too: expensive clothes, special toys.
It is natural, it is a two-edged sword: than more mother is anxious about health and mood of the child, especially hypochondriac and fixed on itself is a child. Often mother due to the exaggerated guardianship solves own problems - it has a fear to appear out of work. One - and at once personal experiences gushed. But it is necessary to control itself, to be able to leave the child alone. For full psychological contact it is enough of two - three hours of communication a day. The feeling of alarm not saturable, and a reason for the next alarm is always. So there is a hyper alarm. Along with it mother tries to create a facade of external psychological wellbeing, without discussing with the child of a problem of the life. Children do not know about material difficulties, help about the house a little. It leads not only to negative consequences for the child. For mother it is not less pernicious.
Giving all free time to the house and the child, she takes care of the own life a little, it has no time for communication with friends, girlfriends, the focus of interest is narrowed. She becomes irritable and painfully endures the loneliness. It is very bad for the child. Appearance of any third person in the house becomes for it a psychological problem. The child did not get used that mother communicates not only with him that there is “an adult territory“. Mother has to aspire to that she had “a personal space“. It is important that the child shared such concepts:“ guests the general “, “ your guests “, “ my guests “, “ now we will talk, and you will play, then everything we will drink together tea“.
It is natural, at the woman, especially at the woman with the child and without husband, there are always a lot of cares. But economic cares are infinite Therefore it is important to stop at some moment: to gather and go on a visit, to theater, it is simple to leave the house, without having forgotten to dress at the same time well and already it to create to itself good mood.As often mothers who did not manage to be engaged in life in something special become uninteresting
to own children, their captious eventually, is dissatisfied - disturbing tone causes a protest in children, is the cause for a set of quarrels. Mother has to be able to take care of the own life.
But also other extreme exists. For example, after divorce the child is completely given on care of the grandmother and grandfather, and mother weans from life with it. As a result, when they affect again together, to adjust joint life can be difficult. Of course, from a practical side participation in life of an incomplete family of the grandmother and the grandfather - is most comfortable and convenient. The child under supervision, always is fed, correctly dressed in time. Mother is quiet. But as a result psychological contact of the child with mother disappears, and often it is then irreplaceable.
One of widespread mistakes of lonely mothers - overestimate of requirements to the child. Desire to compensate the failures due to it udach. Be not anxious, be quiet and reasonable. Perhaps, your psychological state will improve if you know that for psychologists, sociologists, demographers the term “incomplete family“ does not carry negative emotional coloring for a long time.
Numerous researches of children from three types of a family - incomplete, full conflict and full safe - found out that on the majority of indicators - school progress, intelligence, emotional stability - children from incomplete more often appear more successful, than their peers from full, but conflict families, only slightly differ from children from full safe families.