Penalty of heavenly
Hundred years ago when there were already both phone, and the car, teachers approved approximately following: so far the small child, he - nobody, and it should be ground diligently. Therefore in former times ways of punishments were almost ordered by public morals. The personality in the kid was recognized relatively recently, but nobody offered new system of punishments to us. Let`s understand as it is correct to deliver to the successor “by sight“.
Way first. Easy physical impact (a slap or a clip)
the Child does not respond on your admonitions in any way and with the doubled force continues to drive a pencil on wall-paper. Ringing cotton on a bottom - informidable, according to most of mothers and fathers, an educational measure which will help the kid to come round. It is not sick, but is very offensive!“ We do not arrange flogging, - parents calm own conscience, - we only try to influence it when words do not reach. We too living people!“
I in general, not so they are mistaken. Nobody will call this way of punishment terrible and harmful, but all - is children to whom it is categorically contraindicated.
Pluses: for the next 5 minutes the child with guarantee will be appeased and will turn into the obedient angel. If the kid already absolutely “flooded banks“, and to reasonable parents have no time for the appeal, the slap can really become a stick - a lifesaver.
Minuses: quite often the children who endured similar experience at adult age sacredly believe in advantage of physical punishments, and own offsprings, they will bring up, naturally, exactly in the same key. There are kids for whom physical impact - any, even most, in your opinion, trifling - the deepest psychotrauma. Besides children with not really healthy (excessively excitable or vulnerable) nervous system to it also little melancholiacs belong - any slap for them turns into offense for the rest of life. For hyperactive hooligans “clip“ becomes a peculiar catalyst: they fall into rage and in general go “racing“. At the same time quite often parents are not stopped by unsuccessful experience, they just consider that “there is not enough distance“, and already heavy artillery - a belt is used.
In the long term any excess slap is dangerous that the child ceases to react adequately to others, “less effective“, according to some mothers and fathers, punitive measures. As a result we receive “the child whom in general nothing reaches“, and it is the real educational crash.
Way second. Attack-voiced
Many parents opposing any physical impacts do not see anything terrible in punishing children shout. One shout because the kid does not hear them: in that case mothers and fathers usually tell absolutely normal things, they only sound is several times louder than usual. But there is also other option: when shout, “to put this parasite into place“, and similar speeches are, as a rule, plentifully decorated with insults. Children in such situations understand an essence of claims badly, and here remember words exclusively well. Also repeat. At first on the relation to each other - with recognizable parental intonations, and then - at adult age - to the relatives.
Pluses: it becomes easier for the parent - he stated and the dumbfounded child sharply calmed down. Or began to sob. But ceased to behave outrageously precisely.
Minuses: the kid instantly acquires similar style of behavior. He receives “on hands“ hysterical model of response to everything that he does not suit it, and uses it in adulthood including in relation to own children, also frightening and deafening them as once it was done with it. And all this will return to parents - when as “strong“ there is a grown-up child, and as “weak“ - the grown old mother and the father. And the picture absurd at first sight when the old woman - the pensioner with fear waits for return from work of own daughter which “will always find from what to make scandal“, will find real outlines.
Way third. Intimidation
Familiar picture: the child brawls and rows, and mother finished excessively gives something it seems: “And here now as crocodile / Baba-yaga / Babayka will come and will take away you - will know!!!“number with “intimidation“ can lead
Pluses: the kid, as a rule, ceases is indecent to behave and begins to make up to mother. Mother at this moment stays in pedagogical euphoria, sure that she managed to inform in a quiet and adequate form the child of the main thing, namely - to explain why so it is impossible to behave.
Minuses: as a result of such behavior already in the near future you from 90% will face probability a problem of “children`s fears“ and if does not carry at all, then and with the real neurosises.“ Number“ with intimidation quietly will pass with the sanguine person to whom in one ear flew, took off for another, but he can lead the impressionable melancholiac to the present internal drama. In that case instead of the obedient and dear child parents will receive the neurotic with a heap of complexes. The matter is that years to
Way fourth. Deprivation of pleasure
Is quite effective educational method. But it will work only if, having deprived of the child of a favourite animated cartoon or a visit of circus, parents in details and well explain him the reasons of the decision.
Pluses: it makes sense to introduce such a way of education in life literally from first year of life of the baby. For example, when the one-year-old kid will hit mother with a hand on a face a palm, checking, “it is possible or not“, she can lower it on the earth, cease to smile and strictly it “is impossible“ to tell. In this case the child loses favourite “handles“ and mother`s heat, and it, believe, loss, very essential to it. Three - there will be enough four repetitions of this scenario in order that the kid understood - it is impossible to beat parents really. The main thing is that it will be explained to it without blood and validly.
Minuses: working by the principle “from a gun on sparrows“, it is possible to commit follies even it here “harmless“ educational maneuver. When for the remark of the teacher in kindergarten of the successor deprive of a long-awaited trip on the dacha - it is obvious search. Punishment and a fault have to be always proportional.
Also accurately should address with “deprivation of a parental arrangement“ - when mother or the father in the days do not talk to the child for this or that offense, the good method turns into emotional violence. So try to estimate faults of little hooligans adequately.
Way fifth. Arrestis understood by
As this capacious term a wide range of measures for temporary isolation of the violent child: from “go to the room and think over there the behavior“ to “go to a corner“.
Pluses: the bonus of this quite adequate punishment is that in time the child placed in the room will not see the physiognomies of parents warped for anger (uneducationally!) . We too people and can not always keep the Olympic calm at the right time.
Minuses: locking of the child in the dark and close room (for example, in a bathroom) is fraught with emergence of various fears - from fear of darkness to claustrophobia. You should not abuse punishment as “stand in the corner“ too, as well as any other. Choosing a retaliatory method, it is necessary to consider features of the identity of the kid. Try to send to a corner of the hyperactive child who is not capable to sit still longer than minute at all, and you quickly enough will understand that sufferings to which you doomed him considerably exceed actually offense.
I of course, it is not necessary to accompany execution with words: “Stand, you will not ask forgiveness yet!“ An apology - business strictly voluntary, and it is impossible to demand it from the child categorically. Parents - usually have to define 15 minutes time of “imprisonment“ quite enough.
Way sixth.“ From the nature“
Liberally adjusted adults quite often consider that life will place everything in the places. Jumped on pools, contrary to parental manuals? Receive wet legs, cold and other troubles. Thrashed friends in a sandbox a shovel on the head? Be not surprised if nobody wants to play with you!
Pluses: despite the seeming cruelty and indifference, this approach it is extremely effective - children raised thus are independent and are beyond the years reasonable. The child since early years is accustomed to be responsible for own acts.Apology
Minuses: - to the preschool child it is difficult for kid to learn to take the responsibility for all the actions: and the will at it is not developed yet, and ability to expect consequences of the behavior is not created. Therefore to mothers and fathers professing such “adult“ approach to education it is necessary to be constant on the alert. And that so you will be fond that decide to observe philosophically how your precious successor, learning the world, puts fingers in the socket or runs out on the brisk avenue.Summing up of
Is unconditional, children sometimes need especially effective censure, and parents should not be ashamed of the similar moments at all. Punishment is one more of ways to designate to the child so borders necessary for it. It is much worse when everything is easy for the kid and without problems escapes punishment, in that case instead of you life will be engaged in education of the child, and its blows will not be softened definitely by parental love.to
of the Axiomto
- Punishment has to be proportional and adequate to a fault.
- Punishment has to have the one and only purpose - to explain to the child why this way it is impossible to act. Punishment from desire to unburden the heart - “now I you will tear
- on small pieces, the little bastard“ - does harm not only to the child, but also parents.
It is punished by rules
- we Inhale air and we count up about ourselves at least to five (up to 20 better). It will give us the chance to come round and not to commit follies in a fever. by
- It is exhausted - that is whenever possible quietly we state to the child the claims. At the same time it is necessary to speak not about what awful villain the kid, and about the feelings:“ Darling, very much angers me “or“ darling I is terribly upset“. Thus you not only facilitate own soul, but also calm down a little more, and sometimes even manage to understand that there is no need for repressions just. Statistically children receive the most part of “slaps in the face“ not for a fault per se, and for torn nerves of parents, so let`s not increase these figures.
- we Pledge the word to “guilty party“. In the course of negotiations it can also become clear that offense of the child is not so big. we Impose to
- sentence by correlation of offense and sanctions. If the child does not hurry to apologize
- , we do not demand from it apologies at all. Under your pressure he, of course, will mutter:“ Forgive me, lyubimenky mummy and the daddy“, - but, except irritation, this act will cause nothing in it. Wait when he asks forgiveness. Or will not ask - it is not accident too, will grow - will learn. we are Surely reconciled by
- after everything that happened. There is an old principle of the harmonious relations: you do not go to bed, without having allowed house quarrel. Whatever crime committed the child, all of you equally will remain to it the friend therefore it is worth working by the principle “all of us - together“. Always you remember that healthy detsko - the parental relations are based not only on submission, but also - without fail - on mutual understanding. Good luck!