Where give dreams of
New pedagogical concepts appear as mushrooms after a rain. Today the theory of liberal education according to which fathers and mothers should not refuse anything to the children is especially popular. >the Main objective of parents - it is inspired to em to blow off
from the successor of a mote and to foresee all his desires. Admirers of such method claim that differently it is impossible to grow up rather harmonious and free personality. But whether so everything is cloudless actually?with
Of course, the fact that the concept of preventive Saturday floggings, popular before revolution, sank Into oblivion cannot but please. Pleasantly also, as educational tendencies of our parents who trained us for conquest of space and construction of some highways, using at the same time the principle “the more strict, the better“, gradually depart in a non-existence. On the other hand, in desire to provide to the child freedom modern fathers and mothers risk to be fond and overstep the permissiveness bound. Be not surprised if in several years you find yourself in the psychologist`s chair - sobbing and hysterically questioning: “How my angel turned into the monster?!“
the Answer to you. So where the system mistake is hidden? We will consider several the most widespread pedagogical myths and we will try to understand their real efficiency.
Myth the first: about boundless parental generosity
Certainly, each of us wants to grow up the happy child who will remember a childhood with pleasure, but not to be tormented with numerous offenses and complexes. “The boundless generosity“ becomes one of ways of achievement of this purpose for some adults: gifts fall on the kid in abundance.
the Motivation at parents can be the most different. Some of us think of own childhood when it was impossible to tell “wistfully I will not put on it“, mother who defended three hours in turn moreover and fairly worked as elbows to force the way to a counter, easily could otkhlestat desired “it“ on a bottom. And to choose then was especially there is nothing.by
Which - who is sure that the comfort and abundance will allow the successor to concentrate on the main thing - the child will be able quietly to develop the abilities and to aspire to high ideals, without dreaming of low dolls and engines. Alas, in all these cases of parents waits for the deepest disappointment, the effect is reached by similar methods absolutely opposite. You are surprised, but the child even is not going “to dream about high“. He spends all free time not on spiritual self-improvement, and on generation of new desires. “That it still to ask at trouble-free daddies and mummies?“ - he reflects and finds more and more sophisticated answers on this eternal question. Parents joyfully and with inspiration execute all wishes of the child and eventually inevitably suffer crash. Financial. And from it even those to whom the died uncle - the millionaire left infinite treasures in inheritance are not insured. The same who cannot brag of rich relatives will have absolutely a rough time.
What to do: remember once and for all - the message “completely wealthy child = the happy child“ in a root is not right.
the Parental attention is far more important than expensive doll therefore it is better to spend time which is spent on search and the choice of the next gift for joint games and walks for the kid. Next time, when you will hear:“ I want that bought me such red machine with big wheels and the opening doors“, - buy. But only not that which he asks and, for example, a coloring with limousines or jeep model which you will gather all together we assure you, even the greediest successor with honor will sustain such sophisticated refusal.
Myth of the second: about boundless parental tolerance
We raise the free personality, and it can do everything that will want, unlike ourselves which cared in the childhood a system, entered “Society of pure plates“, drove round dances on boring kindergarten fir-trees and obediently read verses on a stool. Life is difficult, full of restrictions, so let at least the childhood of our successors will be a constant holiday.
your pedagogical theory will be actively supported At the beginning by touching exclamations of the family and acquaintances. They will be able just to admire how directly your kid interferes with conversation of adults, climbs on a table, dumps everything that he wants, on a floor and, infectiously laughing, throws crystal glasses in a wall. Still, it such the lassie, unless it is possible to forbid it something?!However soon enough delights of foreign adults will become much more reserved than
, and in their eyes bad gloss will appear. And already these stale people remember that they should visit urgently the sick grandmother, kindly bring you a coat and immediately turn out, even without having given the chance this coat to put on.
Alas, it only beginning. Further you risk to run at top speed from own house because “the eternal holiday the“ of the child who is not knowing words “is impossible“ and “no“, eventually turns around for parents in the real nightmare. The kid to whom ever anything was forbidden has only two opinions - its and wrong and for this reason serious problems in communication with tutors, teachers and peers are guaranteed to such child. And from problems at school not to leave, from children it is required any there, but obedience - and your angel is simply not trained in it.
What to do: everything is better - when at “resolved“ there are borders, and the child precisely knows where they are, and also perfectly understands that it is not necessary to break them.
Therefore first of all to you needs to leave an underground in which you disappear the last months (can be, years?) and to try to learn to agree with the successor. For example, so: yes, you can play “Death Pompeii“ a couple of hours, but then, if you please, bring order, collect toys and clean traces of “lava“ from a floor. Or so: I will allow you to run about on pools, only if you go for a walk in gumboots, and then, upon return from the street, also will wash them a rag. In other words, you should teach the child to hear and adequately to perceive the word “no“. To keep at the same time mind - a task, of course, difficult, but we very much and very much believe in you. Dare!
Myth the third: about congenital children`s wisdom and independencethe Theory about what the child himself is able to define that to it it is necessary for
, exists for a long time. Her supporters nod towards fauna - a pier, nobody regulates quantity of a grass which the nanny-goat daily has to eat, and explains to a full skotinka how many hours she has to sleep. So, and the child who is so natural and close to the nature himself will deal with food, heat and need day (or even night) a dream. Such approach is incredibly easy to use. But not for parents, and for the child: quickly enough the organism will prompt to it that for satiety the kilogram of chocolates suffices, instead of occupations animated films are necessary, and the morning dream is much more useful than charging. At more advanced age such self-regulation which gained steam will bring you a lot of unexpected and not really - that pleasant “so was necessary to me“.
itself“ - you will be able to begin the speech on delivery with these words to you an award of the Guinness Book of Records as to the youngest grandmother of the planet Earth. Excellent prospect - popularity and confidence that you also will manage to marry great-grandsons. It does not attract you? Then remember, what is the time you see off in thoughts on “what to put on“ and “how to grow thin, without refusing from favourite biscuits“. Why you decided that the unreasonable child deprived of support and control from adults will manage to make a right choice without any your participation?
What to do: generally, of course, in independence per se is present nothing bad. It is necessary to help just to decide to the child on relevance of its manifestations.
the Freedom of choice should not be boundless. It is optional to force the kid to sit for two hours at a table, choking with hated cream of wheat. It is possible to go in other, less traumatic way and to take an interest at the successor what it will be for breakfast - “porridge or cottage cheese“? In this case the child who, of course, already considers himself scary adult it is proud will make the decision. But you - that will remain happy regardless of what he will choose. The main thing, that hungry did not leave.
Myth the fourth: about unconditional and eternally parental correctness
Certainly, mother best of all knows, how exactly it needs to bring up the child. This process is very intimate and definitely does not suffer intervention of grandmothers - the neigbours who are hanging out on a shop at an entrance and mothers of other children. As soon as all these people meet your kid, they unexpectedly find in themselves Makarenko and Spock`s talents? “What scandalous tactlessness!“ - you are indignant.
Of course, is present nothing pleasant that strangers encroach on the sacred maternal right to raise own child on own understanding. Eventually, will be enough you and own childhood when all people around did not miss opportunities to acquaint your parents with how badly they brought up you and what measures it is necessary to apply to you immediately. And these measures for some reason “were immediately applied“ - without everyone, notice, vessels and consequences!
you adhere to other point of view - councils of strangers do not influence in any way your attitude towards the child therefore it is necessary to explain to you long and tiresomely to casual well-wishers that remarks are done here by you, and all of them can reserve the tremendous conclusions for the heading “Useful tips“ in a block calendar for last year.
But, despite of efforts, this idyllic educational process will be broken while you come to work, and in life of the child there will be other adult - the grandmother, the nurse, the teacher. And even if you never - will never exchange a maternal field for boring career in stuffy office, “hour X“ all the same will come. The kid will go to school, and there some unsympathetic and scary boring teacher will be engaged in his education. To expect that nurses and teachers will write down silently the claims to the child in a notebook and being also silent to transfer them to you in the evening, - it is ridiculous. And here it will become clear that your successor absolutely ignores “foreign“ adults, on his eyes mother one million times made the same. Why now he has to obey these strange people? Educational method under the threat!
What to do: first of all to hide the reaction to intervention of strangers in your pedagogical process from the child.Express to
the emotions frostily and whenever possible so that the son or the daughter did not become witnesses of such talk - dismantling. Try - not to undermine all the authority of the adult in the opinion of the kid, the main thing that you knew - on whose party the truth and who here real “Makarenko“.
Myth the fifth: about dedicated parental protection of children from everything on lightto
the Desire to preserve the child is inherent in all mothers. However, sometimes the concept “preserve“ demands, in their opinion, simultaneous development of professions of the lawyer and the bodyguard with the subsequent use of the acquired skills in practice. Aspiration in itself to protect - the unconditional benefit, the child still small and who will come to the rescue of it if not you are a loved one? But some parents so are fond of the mission of rescue that they cannot just stop. At first the kid is preserved against age-mates at a playground, then protected from “unfair“ teachers, then altercate with the harmful and too exacting chief who is not writing out an award... And further at all temperamentally slight the careless wife (if, of course, in such situation the sonny in general decides to marry). Of course, the kid cannot independently cope with all the troubles, but all - you should not protect him with foam at a mouth at emergence of a weak shadow of a problem. With such approach you grow up absolutely defenseless person not capable to fight back even in the most “harmless“ situation (for example, did not give delivery in shop). That to it it happened, the child will wait for mother who will come and will intercede for it and if in 3 years it looks naturally, then in 33 - is ugly.
What to do: will always seem to us that people around could be kinder and more tolerant with our child.
But nevertheless needs to filter situations when your high protective qualities are really necessary for the kid and when it categorically does not need them. Let`s tell if in kindergarten there is a small aggressor who completely terrorized all group, then you have full authority to interfere and stop the wretch. But here it is better to refrain from permission of a question which of children the first will move down from a hill during walk. Let the kid understand itself - quite possibly that, contrary to your expectations, he will manage to solve a problem by peace talks.
Myth of the sixth: about fearless opposition to modern medicineRefusal of inoculations to the majority of people around can seem to
strange. But once you remember the nurse who is impudently stacking you on a couch to make extremely painful injection leaving an eternal mark in soul and on skin, the picture changes. Having like a nightmare from the past, you immediately decide that such stress is not necessary to your child. Besides, unless we do not live in a century of the advanced technologies when diseases gradually recede, and your grandmother heard about the last epidemic in the childhood? And who knows what they prick in these policlinics there?
Unfortunately, everything is not so iridescent. In - the first, you can have problems at the child`s device in a garden or in school. In - the second, and in the most important, life-threatening diseases take place to exist. And they what there was propagandized by some “know-it-alls from medicine“, is much more terrible than ordinary inoculations.
What to do: first of all to calm down. The terrible nurse from your childhood for certain already on pension.
If you the opponent of inoculations, refuse all optional - flu, chicken pox etc., but other list everything is better to make. It is possible to win against mistrust to preparations of district clinic, having asked the familiar pediatrician to help you with acquisition of import vaccines which are known for the sparing action.
Myth of the seventh: about unconditional advantage of continuous communicationby
Than you were frightened in the childhood? At all, of course, differently, but the majority for certain remembers this scary word “five-day week“. After it was said, any child immediately became silk. And there were still these awful “kindergartens at the dacha“ - with eternally angry tutors, tasteless food and the louses who are found upon return home. Still at these memoirs goosebumps, the truth?by
It no wonder that the endured experience just does not allow the normal loving parents to treat in this way the wonderful kids. As a result children always with you - on vacation, on a visit, at meetings. And even if you fly into a rage from constants “syus - pus“ with the successor, it for a second does not allow you to doubt correctness of the chosen way. One trouble - from some time you began to notice that the son easily shakes hands with business partners of the husband while the daughter together with your girlfriends can discuss for hours secrets of the rejuvenating procedures. At the same time to find a subject for conversation with age-mates to your children very much and very not easy.
What to do: of course, it is good when the child spends with parents much time, but it is quite good also that from it to it was though some advantage.
to Come with the father or mother to the smoked bar and to listen all evening to adult talk - torture not worse than a five-day week. Try to take the child there where it will be rather cheerful and interesting to it, and here if at you “an adult sit-round gathering“ is outlined - leave it at home better. Eventually, your friends are not obliged to nurse the stranger for them the kid at all and to become hostages of your doubtful educational system. And, you see, it is not really pleasant to you to leave the cheerful company in “obligatory“ 21:00. - you will not explain that to the mode that you did not manage to tell all gossips to girlfriends yet and to eat a dessert.
Not the myth, but reality
We without doubts and regrets refuse belts, whistles, stop watches and other attributes of our happy childhood. However you should not forget that absolute freedom is a test which is extremely heavy even for the adult. What to tell about the child who only begins to live! Protect fragile children`s mentality from such excessive freight and do not forget about yourself - the life put on an altar of children`s happiness, at the exit nobody will call happy.
the Child to whom parents allow to be just a child, as a rule, grows up in quite adequate adult. Well, approximately in such as you are.