Rus Articles Journal

The child without guarantee. Part 3

the Beginning

Is a pity that I will not be able 31 - go October to get to Darya to a garden on autumn morning performance at which she will speak in very beautiful dress. Well, nothing, Volodya understands that the first morning performance in a garden moreover without mother means, and will stay for a while for us two with a video camera.

Volodya tells that they with Andrey make a partition in the hall. Our magnificent odnushka will become modest two-room apartments soon. I represent what disorder is created in the apartment now.

As for mine, at the general meeting I, except awkwardness, test nothing and very much I try to counterbalance vectors “Volodya“ - “parents“. Love on neither side, I think, will long not be observed. Parents made Volodya main guilty for “unnecessary tragic“ pregnancy (in their opinion, me there was enough one child) and all arisen problems. Volodya cannot drive in system of ours coldishly in any way - the critical related relations.

Saturday. In our almshouse again silence. There were only a doctor on duty and several nurses on posts. Mothers who did not run up on houses have breakfast, now it is possible to roll about to eleven, than not sanatorium? Only for some reason from - for night rises the physiognomy green and on walls sways, and the breast hurts from “artificial milking“. With what happiness it was simple to feed Dasha according to the first requirement, but not to measure “norm“! In hospital natural feeding turned into the perverted procedure: the child is weighed, fed (through a probe or from a small bottle), then weighed again. Natural feeding is still far - far, and we bend a back wheel over small bottles at 8, 11, 14, 17, 20, 23 and 5 hours. Light, the neigbour in chamber, calls all mothers “sobutylnitsa“.

... Decanted milk and for half a day escaped home: it bathed, tinted and visited - Dashiny morning performance. From two o`clock in the afternoon without restraint pulled back, in a native monastic world. In office it became clear that at me pulled down old slippers. Now I go in rubber slaps which I hate.

the Main news from our life - medical character. So-called told that will translate me soon and I Wave on cohabitation because:

However, in lungs still residual rattles are. In a weekend there will be a repeated X-ray of lungs and ultrasonography of a brain.

I feed with

Ya itself Manyashka from a small bottle and I enjoy that quantity of food which joins it, its happy mordakhy and protruding sponges after feeding.


today month, and in our joint boxing - a holiday! The first we were congratulated by the nurse when she measured Masha (height of 53 cm), and then we congratulated each other on Volodya by phone.

during conversation with T. N. I was glad to news that rattles remained only in the left lung, analyses pure, hemorrhage resolves, and oxygen insufficiency is overcome.

the Most important event is that at night, in 2. 30 and in 5. 00, Manyashka herself took a breast!! I since evening planned to feed her secretly because only small bottles are still resolved. Waited for this moment and awfully was afraid: suddenly she how most of other babies, will refuse a breast or will make from - for weaknesses only two - three drinks? But everything was not so. At first she pooblizyvat a breast, then in ten minutes began to cry (getting hungry, and nothing is impossible), and I rushed behind a small bottle. Then just in case I decided to try the last time, and suddenly - op! - its gubeshka were closed correctly and so strongly that it became painful to me. Also smackings with rumbling - minutes twenty, to full emptiness went to breasts. I was so happy that I could not fall asleep hour, it seemed to me, time Masha could do all this and recover now not a problem.

B five of morning everything turned out even quicker, and Marya so gorged on that in 8. 30 I hardly persuaded her to eat from a small bottle... So-called allowed to nurse only once - in 2. 30 nights. Says that such feeding for Masha is too tiresome, and I am afraid of each feeding from a small bottle which can avert it from a breast. With a small bottle it is not necessary to try, milk itself flows in a mouth from the cut-through pacifier.

By the way, diapers began to fly with an improbable speed, Manyashke should put on pampers for the night.

Result of night nedosypaniye - the muddy head. It is the fact, but not as the complaint. To clear brains, forced itself to sit down at continuation of notes. Coffee cannot be drunk...

At distance of 50 cm Manyashka snuffles in the iron bed. At it in a mouth kandidozny stomatitis (milkwoman) - result of treatment by several antibiotics blossomed. But to this trifle I treat already with humour. Here from what me the hospital Odyssey, so precisely cured it of sufferings concerning trifles. As the lady speaks - the laid-back person it is powerful under centner from the neighboring box, “will cure of everything“.

concerning boxes conversation special. Four small rooms are separated from each other by transparent glass. In the first boxing the meek creature Natasha in a pink dressing gown either swaddles the child, or reads to Dontsov. In the second box - an eternal holiday. Big Lena loudly listens “To Europe - plus“ and never switches off a luminescent lamp. In the third boxing we with Tanya just fed the cubs - Marya Vladimirovna and Yaroslav Romanovich. Children, in my opinion, did not wake up and continue to sleep sluggishly and immoderately. In the last boxing - gloomy Olya from the village of Peskovatka. It has obvious psychological problems and undeveloped skills of communication. She addresses us “hear, you!“ and only shouts at the sick son. What waits for the boy of the house? All inhabitants of boxes askance at each other, trying to do it is imperceptible.

Run day after day. In 7. 30 we with Tanya get up and we make toilet. In 8. 00 come to give Manyashke`s injections. Its morning toilet and feeding. Breakfast. Airing. 10. 00 - rounds. 10. 30 - massage. Mustard plasters, drugs in tablets (to shatter, dissolve, manage to feed). Feeding. Expectation of a nasty lunch. Today - millet soup with a smell of fish, sickening cabbage with a piece of a pollock. The sleepiness, feeding, drugs, etc.

In this routine slowly calm down my poor nerves. Probably, the nervous terminations grow dull. This week very many are written out. I envy.

Birthday in hospital - it is unforgettable. However, as well as my last thirtieth anniversary at session in Saratov.

Manyasha allowed me to have a sleep. I woke up only for feedings, and slept sluggishly and immoderately therefore with 23. 30 to 2. 10, with 2. 30 to 4. 30, with 5. 05 to 7. 00 when I was woken by Vovka. The most pleasant congratulation was from it. In general many called, and each kind word was pleasant.

the Father came to hospital with a heap of a house yum-yum, congratulated in the spirit of “I wish to rake all troubles and somewhat quicker to get on feet though I strongly doubt it“ and walked concerning Dasha`s abandonment, our thoughtless behavior (“Spoke to you that the second child - a crazy invention“), prolonged repair by Volodiny hands (“Gadyushnik with dust knee-deep!“), etc. Generally, the mood did not deteriorate only because I did not allow it to deteriorate. I hope that after all event the mentality at all will return on normal level. For now I told the father: “Children, live in peace and friendship, I very much love all of you!“

during morning round doctors called by

Manyashka recovering, and after a lunch the surgeon came, tore off me from a thermos with Vovkiny soup as a hungry dog from a favourite bone, and upset with new diagnoses. Gemangiomatoz - “strawberry“ birthmarks, very unusual occurrence. And umbilical hernia. While to observe, but, perhaps, intervention of the surgeon is required further.

Just fed with

Manyashka. 90 ml!! And at receipt began with two! Mashka so tries “to gather meat“ that bursts on half an hour, even on an upper lip the callosity rubbed.

When she cries, crying varies on a situation: offended, with a sobbing - after pricks in 8. 00, angry - “to bite hoyets“, powerful and angry, on all four boxes - during massage. The masseur calls her Pugacheva and speaks:“ Give, give, shout, and even so too long was silent“.

says T. N.`s

that we will be written out somewhere in the middle of the next week (Thursday today). I know that one and a half months after Maryiny birthday will absolutely be erased from memory, and there will be monotonous hospital something.

But still separate fragments are live. Now, for example, it was remembered how we with Volodya stood on both sides from a resuscitation table on which Manyashka lay, and, having taken each other by hands, tried to create “the field of love“. And suddenly helped? As, interestingly, all tortures which she transferred will be reflected in character of our youngest and transfers: probes, pricks, droppers, mustard plasters and continuous blood sampling on the analysis?


with Dasha by phone Today. She does not understand why I do not show it the little sister in any way. I told that already very soon. She answered that she will bend in turn five fingers - five days waiting. Does not want to wait more. Then began to call up to phone to the grandfather: “The grandfather, go, your daughter, the beloved daughter, the daughter there - a mochenka...“

Volodya finishes with

all painting works, will “generalit“ at the weekend the apartment.

such episode occurred In the description of civil war to me once: the hospital raved and tens of people died of wounds and a sypnyak. The very young sister of mercy managed a poor medical institution. Every morning she bypassed chambers and cried with powerlessness because it had nothing for rescue of people: neither drugs, nor products, nor warm things. To what it I? Passed once again along a native hospital corridor and as if for the first time saw the peeled fluorescent lamps in the maternal room, the shelled walls in children`s boxes, a shower which can be accepted only in the absence of fastidiousness, the loosened chairs in the dining room, the percher - the refrigerator, old - prestary “public“ diapers, the cracked oxygen tubes. Parents still have to drag bags of syringes and drugs in hospital.

the People working in the conditions of disintegration - doctors, nurses and nurses - are worthy respect. Nurses, by the way, direct on the floor such maraft that everything begins to seem even very much nothing and expression “honest poverty“ is remembered.

One of cleaners, laughing, told me that the other day in diaper sat down on a chair which is hundred years old during the lunchtime, it collapsed, and it fine hit the head against the battery. In my opinion there was, probably, not a so cheerful expression, and she right there changed the subject: “Eat, eat, I so love when mummies gorge on!“

On a reverse side of the hospital menu was read today by part of the address to next “strong this world“: “Dear Sergey Leonidovich! (Interestingly who is such?) We kindly ask you to give financial support of 250000 rubles to children`s office of the fifth city clinical hospital. These means are necessary for acquisition of medicines and food. On treatment in children`s office there are 30 refuseniks...“

Refuseniks - a special subject. We, mummies, coming on a post to the krovinochka, we look on negative with pity and curiosity and we torture with questions of nurses who on this subject talk reluctantly:

- And who names them?

- the Surname - on mother, a name, a middle name - from personnel.

- with What they are fed? Donor milk?

- Mix.

- How many they are here?

- Month three - four, bring then to the house of the baby.

- Why that refusenik all the time shouts?

- Mother at it the addict, for certain something hurts.


to me it is thought, the soul hurts it - from - for the uselessness now (on hands such try to take less often God forbid not to get used) and the gloomy future.

Yes, in “monastery“ I became better to see the world around.

We houses. In our small second room it is heard as wind behind a window howls and knock about a branch window sill. It seems that behind a window the real December storm. And Manyashka snuffles in a bed, the heater raskochegaritsya to the full extent. Warmly, quietly and comfortably. Houses.

should conduct Manya to the pediatrician Tomorrow. If it is very cold, we will stay at home and we will not make feats for the sake of the pediatric reporting.

we Bathe Masha about eight in the evening. Later all of us already fall asleep. Masha squalls in a tray terribly (she does not like to undress and bathe), but I pour water a stream at it in the face of and I keep saying “glugs - glugs“. The child becomes silent and begins to listen to “glugs“. Here where my intelligence - is directed to inventing of games with water now.

the Acquaintance asked today whether Dasha is jealous of Masha. I told that there are no classical manifestations of jealousy, but here Dasha draws attention to herself desperately. And still it seems to me sometimes that it irons the little sister on a hand or on the head not with the most good intentions - not with desire to do much harm, and with desire to understand as “the speaking doll“ Masha is arranged.

Today Dashulya made up to me: “I am your beloved daughter, huh?“ At me even heart jammed.

On Monday Dasha did not go to a garden: stayed at home from - for colds. I nearly went crazy for want of habit: In the refrigerator it is empty, Manyakh shouts, Dasha demands to play with her. Generally, “obezyanin“ day (this is Dasha formulated that the next year - “obezyanin“). However, when Masha fell asleep, all of us - played enough in karate and guessing game according to the book.


persistently does not wish to breathe fresh air on a balcony. Ten minutes - and in a roar! And still I got a fright, pouring in it in drugs. It so choked that cleared the throat then, having goggled, minutes five.

Lying on a stomach, Masha holds the head ten seconds. It is normal for the premature child of two months? Very much likes to twirl in vertical position by the head which I hold with one finger.

The night before I as Stierlitz, nevertheless contacted the friends. Even minutes stirred ten with mother. Mother nevertheless did not keep from a hairpin: “Well, and when at it the head will be not a radish down?“ Yes, Dashino the place of the beloved granddaughter in their hearts will not be taken by nobody. My explanations about nayedenny cheeks and the infantile head are not understood. Well it is fine, but today the father will bring the whole bag of drugs and packing “Haggisov“.

Tomorrow visit to the neuropathologist. I hope for the favorable forecast and that the number of diagnoses will not increase.

Already 22. 25, I continue to rock to sleep Manya. More precisely to carry on hands because it is impossible to swing it - neurology. I sing it a melody from series “All Rivers Flow“ and even I hop. When I utantsovatsya, I will call Volodya: he will dance till the morning. Yes, it is impossible to tell that Manyakh at us - manual because on hands she shouts also strongly, as well as in a bed. When she falls asleep, I in a trice plunge into anabiosis...

Tomorrow - the shortest day. I would define the main desire so: in our life from now on has to increase gradually light: health - at children, tranquility - at me, earnings - at Volodya and joint understanding of our further way.

we spent

Two of days off at home four together (fine sounds!). I and Manya we cannot leave the house, Dasha was unwell, and Vovka jumped out only on Sunday towards evening - to buy cake. It as young daddy, is put down at work tomorrow.

Compatibility and an uzhivayemost at us - as at astronauts: everything is silent - peacefully, some failures from - for Dashiny of moaning. And so molded from the salty test, read, watched animated cartoons and a fragment from the movie “Through Thorns to Stars“, played in “lodge“, “blind-man`s-buff“, “game of tag“, “three - fifteen - ten - twenty...“

Darkens early, and in Dashiny imaginations in a window look on us the Snow Queen, a kind owl, the Mouse king. And then: “Hide in a lodge!“

A few days ago pobyval with Masha at the neuropathologist. I departed long because “the look does not focus“, “does not smile“, “traumatic defeat of TsNS“ and other... Appointment: kogitum, menisy - all nootropa... I try to inspire in myself that in these preparations and in their appointment there is nothing terrible though mother`s “a nda - and“ her opinion, opinion of the pharmacist with a huge experience sounded very expressively, and, costs something.

On Friday visited at the gynecologist. Looked with it in eyes. There is a full tranquility. By categorical tone to me it was declared that neither I, nor the ultrasonographer could see “such cyst“. So that`s that. Eat, mummy, be not bespotted.

I Finish

- and to sleep. If it is possible. In the morning Dasha and Volodya will get up, will wash, will put on and at 7 o`clock will run from the house. I will not even hear.

In Volgograd plus four and any New Year`s Eve atmospheres. I have a feeling of the total unreality of the coming holiday as though we met him in Africa: I stay at home, I do not see vanity, I do not buy gifts, a landscape behind a window not so winter...


drinks drugs. Begins to shout closer by the night. Very much does not like to bathe - cannot stop shout, especially when you water it the head. When she in good mood, smiles to me, speaks “ge“ and “hectare“. Dashunka at such moments climbs to stroke her and to wave before her nose rattles.

Now our senior, here the fox, in general carries out everything from a half-word because Father Frost gives gifts only to obedient girls.