Rus Articles Journal

Guest experience (mentoring) - practical experience and some recommendations beginning

At once I will make a reservation that I do not apply for the ultimate truth - simply to eat “guest“ experience (already 14 years), and there is a wish to share it. And still: I will not discuss, the guest mode is necessary or not, puts it psychological injuries to the child or not. I will notice only that practice shows - from the guest mode everything is much more advantage, than harm.

1. First of all, properly once again think: and whether it is necessary to you? If it is necessary, then be ready to be engaged with the child long and not to throw him under no circumstances. It almost like adoption or guardianship - is not easier at all.

2. Age of the child. Of course, all want to deal with those who are younger. And where starshenky to disappear? It, in - the first. And in - the second, you will hardly be able to explain 3, 5 - summer and even 6 - summer to the kid that you take it not forever. Therefore the first rule - is better to take the children`s home child on a visit beginning approximately years with seven. Certainly, there are exceptions, but if you want that adaptation of the child in your family happened more comfortably, and have concerning him no far-reaching plans (at least, at the beginning), then it is better to follow this rule. Besides, I will afford subjective supervision - to communicate with seniors much more interestingly.

Rule second: to promise nothing. Happens so that some “compassionate“ begin to answer the question “And You Will Take Away Me to Yourself Forever?“:“ Yes, it is possible, only not now, and then“. Here when it will come “then“ - then speak about it. For now - any promises!

3. Choice of the child. Business it as you understand, delicate. You will not come to the director of children`s home and you will not tell: give me somebody on a visit.

Some are ready to act with

directly so, but, sorry, you to yourself on a visit also call adults? Come though somebody? Options here and turns of destiny there can be a set - up to that you on the street of the child met, he was pleasant to you, and then it turned out that it from children`s home. And it happens.

the Optimal variant - “to sit down on a tail“ to someone who already goes to any children`s home he is familiar with the local administration and orders, can recommend you to the director as remarkable person and other - other. Now the mass of any informal groups gives help to children`s homes - both things, and communication, and the organization of holidays - excursions. Join them, participate in their affairs, and there, you look, and there will be someone to whom you want to present heat slightly more, than the rest.

one more way Is - you just go to children`s home, meet the director, tell a little about yourself, about that, “as you reached life such“, try to impress it most favourably, ask, than you can help. It is unlikely you will ask “to pritaranit“ a wall to the game room at once - rather, will just share the problems. And at the same time, perhaps, will boast also of achievements, will carry out on children`s home, will show game, bedrooms. Certainly, we also assume that the director - the normal, sane person. Offensive exceptions meet, but it is visible at once, and you hardly want to communicate with it long. Kids, certainly, too you will see. Then you can ask for permission to visit any group - for a start simply to communicate. You can even take pass - patronage of some group of the pleasant children, to come to them periodically, and at the same time to get accustomed to children. If there are financial or any other opportunities, can organize cultural visits of cinema, on exhibitions. You get at this time invaluable experience of communication with orphans which later if business reaches the guest mode, will be for you very useful. Only be not zealous very much strongly and you do not come too often (every day) - you so far only look narrowly. You can not like something, and you decide not to continue visits. At an early stage it is much easier to make it, and, above all - it is less painful both for you, and for children. And the main thing - it is not necessary to rush on the first pleasant child and to surround it with the care and caress. It is unknown as far as you will be psychologically compatible to it subsequently.

Business it in some degree even more responsible, than adoption of the kid. Here you should communicate with already in many respects the created personality, with the character, with the habits.

4. we Will assume, you found a soulmate which settled down to you too.

For a start try to learn about it (about soul of this) as much as possible any information - it can be scooped also from conversation with the child, and with his tutor, both with the doctor, and with the director. Prevention: you should not speak with the child about his relatives, about antecedents - for him it can be injuring (not for all, of course, but it is better to make secure). If he greedily tells about the brothers - sisters, mother, the father, the grandmother with the grandfather, how he is taken away home or will take away for ever soon, about what at his place cars, the computer, etc., - do not trust completely all these stories. They compose a lot of things, want to show, as not a bast boards.

More objective information on the child`s family, his parents, the status the director and tutors will give

. They will tell also about its character, habits (including harmful), skills, abilities. However, sometimes it is necessary and to treat such information with the known share of scepticism as, for example, the tutor can have not quite good relations with your potential ward. Besides, in children`s homes old, still the “Soviet“ shots which had, to put it mildly, not too flexible views of education and behavior of children often work. Therefore surely support all obtained information with own supervision over the child. Besides consultations with the director and tutors have surely a talk with the doctor - rather general state of health of the child, any contraindications. And that you feed him with oranges, and will suffer then with his allergy. Or suddenly the child has enuresis. All this is not fatal, but to all it it is necessary to be ready.

Important remark. It is not necessary to try to make happy many at once. Do not invite on a visit a large number of children. All “educational“ moments can come to nothing from - for the fact that children and at your place actually will remain in the children`s home environment - with the friends with standards of group behavior. Before the companions they, most likely, will behave the same as got used in orphanage. And when the child one, he “listens“ to the new situation surrounding it more sensitively, accepts new rules of life easier. An exception - brothers - sisters, especially about one age. You should not separate them (even for guests).

5. First of all, give still here what we will agree about: these children are obliged to you by nothing. So far, at least. The fact that you brought them home to the long-term and close relations with you does not oblige yet. You take them on a visit because you, first of all, have such requirement. Therefore to wait from them for momentary thanks, to you and your house do not cost attention. Do not take offense. At the majority of these children such “skill“ just was not created yet. Many of them even and “please“ are not taught to tell “thanks“ in a due measure.

6. Very important point - your members of household.

them needs to prepare the child too for visit of the stranger (I hope, so far). Both you, and at your relatives can have unjustified expectations in its relation (ah, here we will play now, to read, - se, the fifth - the tenth, and it will come, will stare in the TV moreover besides and “will send“ suddenly whom, will begin to be capricious - children endure a peculiar stress from hit on new Wednesday too, they should adapt). And if they, perhaps, more or less got used to you, then to your spouse or children - no, for them they are strangers. By the way, the similar “overestimated“ expectations should not be in principle. Children from establishment - it is a little others, they have practically no experience of normal life in a family. And you have to teach this experience them. It will be difficult, long, but if you are ready to charge yourself with a similar burden - keep up to the end.

7. At last, the child at you. The main thing that is required now to you, - patience and tolerance. Do not think that all visits will be filled with continuous pleasure. And it is not necessary that there was a constant holiday - not in it business. Your task - to make life of the child of a little more comfortable in psychological (and in material, it is possible) the plan and to teach him to what in orphanage he will never learn. What problems can be? In - the first, almost all children`s home children have a diagnosis like DMD (delay of mental development) that absolutely (I hope, you understand) does not mean that it is fools on life. Just in due time did not pay to the child sufficient attention owing to what some mental, speech, motor and other skills at it are developed in smaller, than it is necessary on age, degree.

and the due address it is compensated to

At hit in a family quickly enough - even at the guest mode (if it is regular). Besides, the majority had a lack of tactile feelings of the early childhood. Therefore whenever possible (it is only important not to go too far) do not hesitate - iron, embrace the child. Better, of course, apropos - for well made business, for example, for the rhyme read up to the end. And it is possible and without cause - it is simple to press to itself sometimes.

8. Surely check the child at doctors - experts, especially at those on which profile the child has some indications.

At most of children of orphanage these or those disorders of sight, hearing, motility, implicit physical defects are present. All this very much influences study, perception of new material, ability to concentrate, behavior and style of communication with other people. Many of them quickly are tired, cannot and are not able to be engaged long in the same business therefore follow the line of least resistance - them, for example, easier to watch TV, than to collect something from the designer. But! If you with the same designer do not leave the child to the mercy of fate, and will do it together with him, then it will be much easier to focus his attention. Therefore one more rule: if you take the child for the weekend - forget about rest.

9. At children from establishment time quite indistinct idea of property, value of things, toys. Therefore be not surprised if expensive toy presented by you can be broken or exchanged for some nonsense already next day. The child can sometimes take without demand any thing in your house and “sort“ and if you abuse it - will take offense: and what I, actually, it made? It is not excluded that you can face also theft. And it can be also elementary kleptomania, and about what is written slightly above, and the interesting psychological moment which I faced once. The child, for example, can steal from you money to lift own authority among peers to show others of what you rich (in his understanding, of course), being obviously proud at the same time of you, showing others that you give it so much money for pocket expenses.

10. It is very important to strong to establish “rules of the game“ at once.

For example: at us in the house do not shout, do not swear, tell “thanks“ and “please“, without demand take nothing, care about each other, etc. It is important to focus attention and on some values, especially remarkable for your family, that then suddenly it did not turn out that the favourite vase which remained from the great-grandmother is broken. Tell the child about this vase inadvertently, “include“ him thus in the family, let it know that you do not consider him as the stranger and you trust it family secrets and traditions. Perhaps he will also forget about it right there, and on the other hand, maybe, all - will be more careful with this vase if something happens.

11. you are not lazy to repeat “clean socks, put accurately the clothes, wash hands“ etc.

All this needs to be repeated repeatedly, to remind (trying not to turn nevertheless into a domomuchitelnitsa). The main thing - without anguish and that the child understood that it is, of course, offense, but not a crime for which it will be sent for penal servitude now.

12. It is very good to strong to agree about some small obligations for the house which are assigned to the child at once.

For example to charge it carrying out of garbage or feeding of small fishes in an aquarium. You do something on the house - attract the child to everything: you make a lunch - let it will bring something; you clean up in the apartment - let will wipe dust on shelves etc. It is very good if somebody in a family has a hobby to which it is possible to attract the invited child.

13. Occupations with the child. I cannot but quote words of one of participants the Internet - conferences:“ ... they need to learn to define time - very many children`s home in it are very unsteady. It is necessary to learn to make coherent stories according to pictures. To allocate the main thing. To analyze tasks. As a rule, children`s home children lag behind in cognitive development on two - three years. It is necessary to learn to handle money, to use transport. And, by the way, it is quite good as - nibud to earn money. Let though boxes glue though cards are drawn, but learn what is work and that everything not from the sky falls. It is very important, it just and will define in the future where they will go - to work and study. Or to steal also on the panel“. From myself I will add: really, you should not be guided by the actual age of the child. To it can “legally“ be nine, and actually - on intellectual, physical development - no more than six - seven.

14. About pleasures and gifts.

They have to be deserved, but not be given simply because you “the poor orphan from orphanage“. They in children`s home and have so enough this “good“ and, except a dependence, promises nothing in the future. Esteem before you sit down to play at the computer, learn a rhyme if you want to receive a toy as a gift. I, of course, exaggerate - it is not always worth establishing such strict framework, but a certain similarity of it has to be present. And by no means not so: came to toy shop, eyes ran up - it I want, this, it... (at them too peculiar expectations from guests are present - it is nearly paradise where all is possible, all resolve, to sleep it is possible not to lay down late, will buy everything that you will wish, etc.) .

15. When wants nothing.

you to them - we will go to theater, to the museum, and they - not, I do not want, better a TV set I will see houses.... Sometimes the cultural program should be “drummed“ violently, but taking into account children`s interests and bents. Often the child does not represent that the visit of the same museum can have for it interest because there is no experience of it. It is better not to go to far in the cultural program - surplus of impressions can even be harmful a time. In - the first, it is not necessary to involve the child in “cultural programs“ from the first days of visit of your house, and in - the second, you should not drag in art gallery at once - will not understand. It is the best of all to go there where not only it is possible to look, but also to feel the hands. And on performances for a start it is desirable to drive such where the child himself is actively involved in process, and not just looks at a scene. If to interest in it, then and more serious performances and the museums will go then easily.


Probably, for a start will drop down. Of course, about much it is not written here. And it is quite possible, you will not meet many problems described above at all or will have them absolutely benign. But it is necessary to be ready to everything. And the main thing - not to become hysterical, not to fall apart if something is impossible and goes not as there is a wish. Children`s home children in the majority sympathetic and very tender, but only and you, please, do not disappoint them, all right?