One in one
the Kid was born, and together with congratulations relatives and friends bring down on you a hail of questions: “Boy or girl? How many weighs? How feels?“ And, at last, the most interesting: “To whom it is similar?“
I Look in you as in a mirror
the Psychologist Chantal Rialland claims that aspiration to find family traits in the favourite offspring - an integral part of human nature. Parents begin to draw the imagined portrait of the kid long before his birth. Watching a shot off-screen a videotape with record ultrasonography, they peer into the vague image on the screen. “Look, and it has my profile, the truth?“ - future father exults. However, there are not less disorders and guesses at all arises concerning character of the kid. “If only my daughter had a sense of humour!“ - pensively the laugher Lena sighs (she now on the fifth month of pregnancy).
During the first hours after appearance of the child on light interest in his appearance reaches apogee. The interested look finds dimples on cheeks and the long bent eyelashes (in accuracy, as in mother), “father`s“ eyes and special, “family“, the line of growth of hair. Undoubtedly, this baby - the worthy carrier of parental chromosomes. And it is not so important to whom exactly it is similar.
of Rada both, the lines inherited by the child - one more confirmation that it is a fruit of their love. “Our son - reflection us two, - Svetlana says. - He inherited from me swarty skin and brown eyes, but it is madly pleasant to me when the mother-in-law says that Anton everything is - the poured-out father“.
As for fathers, they, as a rule, take great pleasure from similarity of the child to the beloved. It is some kind of new view regarding adoration!“ Looking at Anyuta, my husband says that he represents me the little girl“, - Katerina laughs.
Neither in mother, nor in the father...
But happens and so that the kid is not similar to parents at all. Of course, at big desire in it it is possible to find which - what familiar lines borrowed mainly from distant relatives. But also they are so mixed that mother with the father are inclined to regard appearance of the child as an annoying freak of nature. The unsatisfied narcissism poisons with it pleasure of communication with the kid and over the years only amplifies, bringing still big pain and offense.
Fuel to the fire is added by relatives, friends and neighbors. “My senior boy is similar to me so a little that the neigbour told once: “If I did not see you the pregnant woman, would never believe that it is your son!“ I could not forgive it this remark for many years“, - Katya tells. “When grandmothers for the first time saw little Ella, they chorus exclaimed:“ Well, this not went to ours - neither fish nor fowl!“ I was ready to vanish into thin air“, - Anna remembers.the Child can suffer from
for years from offense and awkwardness too for the fact that it appeared not as all. “I had misfortune to be born the smuglokozhy brunette in family of blue-eyed blondes. Relatives and friends of the family considered me as real “black sheep“. Passed through all my childhood a refrain the “encouraging“ phrases: “My God, and it at you who? Foundling?“ I constantly felt the stranger among the... “-Polina admits. However, analyzing backdating the childhood, she does not condemn relatives: eventually I helped it to find a complex of “ugly duckling“ own.“ From year to year I gradually got used to the originality and was already able to use the teenager it enough dexterously. In effect, it also created me as the personality: I understood that my opportunities are not limited to family traditions and a social origin. Today I know well from where I came and where I go, any roads are opened for me“.
the Exemplary child
to Children, doubles of the parents, sometimes is necessary at all not easier, than that who was born “neither in mother, nor in the father“. Obvious similarity flatters vanity of seniors who - it is free or involuntarily - push the kid to becoming the exact copy of “original“.“ The child imitates model to which he is constantly compared, but at all not because it gives it big joy. He wants to deserve love of parents and for the sake of it is ready to adapt to the sample elected by them“, - the psychologist warns.
In other words, it is not necessary to remind the kid of his exclusive similarity to mother or the cousin constantly. However, to ignore this genetic phenomenon also difficult - especially if thanks to common features you feel unusually close connection with the child. “It is much simpler to understand the little fidget if itself was once same bright“, - Svetlana considers. Sounds logically, but take care: from here only one step before full substitution of character and desires of the child own!“ It is equally important to person to resemble others and to feel the identity. These aspirations are inconsistent, but only it is so possible to reach internal balance“, - Chantal Rialland says.Theatre of a mimicry and gesture
as heredity plays leapfrog with generations, we only make a helpless gesture. On closer examination it turns out that the child, as like as two peas on mother, possesses dozen more of family lines borrowed from great-grandfathers, second cousins, aunts and other distant relatives. Pleasing, concerning, and at times and irritating, they are similar to the sacral language which hardly is giving in to interpretation. “I often notice the grandmother`s mimicry at Yana though the girl never knew it“, - Christina is surprised. “We have with mother an identical timbre of a voice - as well as at little Stanislav though in all the rest it is not similar to us at all“, - Alla tells.“ Alas, together with appearance children inherited dreadful sluggishness of my sisters and the father!“ - assures Alexander. “The first months Gosha was very similar
to me. Then on the father, then - on the great-grandmother. Once I was shocked with similarity of the son to my second cousin! And recently, sorting old photos, I found out that Gosha - the copy of the uncle at the same age (by the way, the uncle, my brother, claims that his beloved nephew is most of all similar to the grandfather)...“
Unlike appearance, the mimicry, gestures, intonations and a manner to laugh almost do not change. Externally brothers can seem absolutely different, but once he starts talking, and their belonging to family clan becomes obvious even for the casual witness. Over time these characteristic strokes of which there is family “a trade Mark“ appear more and more distinctly. And quite often thanks to them even adopted children seem the exact copy of the senior members of the new family. Anything surprising! If the kid is surrounded by love and care, parents are for him the most desired object for imitation. whether
About advantage of dissimilarity
Can succeed on an opera scene, being Maria Callas`s sister? Hardly. The name of the sister of the great star, too singers, is known to nobody... Usually the child himself imitates the senior brother or the little sister. If children are similar also externally, their belonging to one “clan“ is visible with the naked eye on pleasure to his adult representatives. However the aspiration encouraged by seniors to full similarity prevents identity formation. The girl who at teenage age endlessly was compared to the sister for certain will choose the opposite scenario of behavior - only this way she will be able to find own I.