How to teach the child of honesty?
Hardly anyone - that from parents can boast of the fact that his children never deceived it. To whom such circumstance when the son or the daughter, wishing to justify own “sins“, give the arguments which do not have nothing in common with the true situation at all is not familiar.
the Phenomenon of children`s lie
- I did not break this machine! It broke!
- I did not take ice cream from the refrigerator! Probably, it is the little sister it ate!
- I did not make homework because did not know that to us set!
of Similar examples can give the greatest set. Attempt of the child to consciously mislead parents for the purpose of obtaining own benefit is the cornerstone of all of them. What already at such early age children absolutely accurately understand surprises as it is possible to outwit parents what arguments can be adduced in the justification. Over the years tactics of lie becomes complicated, arguments and justifications become more plausible, and lie all utonchenny. The intuitive chuvstvovaniye of danger of punishment turns on the unknown mechanisms which are quite often forcing parents to believe in lie in children`s consciousness. The saved-up experience of the successful deception does a lie by the trouble-free weapon used in case of need.many parents do to
For the lying children under five years a discount for their age: it is considered that at such age the lie is not possible as intelligent act yet. Psychologists suggest us not to worry, claiming that the children`s lie does not constitute danger as is attempt of expression of own imaginations of the child who is not able to distinguish imaginations from reality. Nevertheless, this age - that time when children actively “grope“ the different ways “it is easier to make life“. These years the child has duties and bans to which he has to pay attention, the need for ways of “simplification of life“ respectively increases. Supervision say that than more requirements are shown to the kid, those to a deception high probability from its party. But whether really it is so safe? What if the lie becomes regular? How to distinguish “children`s lie“ from already serious? What is lie in general? How, eventually, to grow up the honest person? Let`s try to answer these questions.
What is lie?to
Before arguing on a lie from children, it is necessary to tell several words about lie in general. Understanding the nature of lie per se, we will be capable to understand it in children`s execution.
In simple terms, the lie is the statement untrue, said for the purpose of obtaining any benefit. Almost always the lie causes feeling of fear and condemnation of conscience. Feature of lie is that she always enters a dissonance with an innate sense of the truth: we can feel lie of others, we feel inconveniently when we tell a lie. But it is necessary to tell that practice of lie develops in us a certain skill and does deception automatic. There are people who “lie as on written“, without testing any remorse at all, without being afraid of exposure, but, on the contrary, derive pleasure from deception. Here it is possible to remember an interesting illustration: somebody told that conscience is the such triangle with acute angles which is in our breast. When we make bad acts (including we lie), this triangle begins to rotate, hurting us. But if long time not to pay attention to its rotation, triangle corners gradually grind off, conscience turns into a disk and can rotate as much as necessary, without inflicting suffering. It, of course, the allegory, but really is what to think of. Practice of conscious unscrupulous acts muffles a conscience voice, leaving to our nature less and less human, allowing animal instincts to take the leading positions in our life.
Motivation of lie can be looked for in many aspects of a human nature:
- in fear of punishment,
- in laziness,
- in attempt to avoid difficulty,
- in a bad example etc.
it should be noted Here that the lie is always lie: whether it is expressed verbally (aloud, in any statement or denial), or in silence while it would be necessary to speak at the top of the voice. Children and adults have no distinction in motives to a lie: both at children and at adults it is possible to observe all listed above incentive motives of a lie. Differences only in scales of a lie and in ability to hide a lie. A story about how elder sister exposed lie of the five-year-old brother is remembered, just looking to him in eyes. The child could not sustain a direct look and confessed to deception. Unfortunately, with age everything changes, and a simple look not to manage any more.Lie can call
the addiction which is formed over time safely. And eradication of this addiction, as well as any other, requires time and efforts. whether
“the sacred lie“ Exists?
the Popular belief that the lie, depending on situations, can be not such bad business. For example, the seriously ill person is told not that diagnosis which is actually, in order to avoid experiences and deterioration in a state of health. It is considered that the lie is justified according to the principle “the end justifies the means“. So, whether the lie for the sake of a good cause can be justified?
Who - who told that the lie can become general, but the Saint it will never be. At least, this statement is fair on the relation of the parents telling to children a lie as if “for the good purposes“. Remember how often children are frightened by various horror stories to facilitate education process. Often promise children a gift to achieve their arrangement, but when business reaches execution of the promise, parents deliberately “forget“ about all promises. Who did not say to children that he is busy and cannot play with them, and instead spent time in telephone communication or “hung“ on the Internet? Such “sacred lie“ - absolutely not sacred. It is the rough and selfish manipulation children`s will setting a bad example. Danger of such approach consists that children quickly solve this approach and instantly it is acquired. It is not necessary to be surprised if the child deceives you, proceeding from the own “good“ purposes.
the Joke and lie - where borders?
can Quite often observe the following: the person is misled, telling the distorted information (type:“ you have a back in flour“), and then when the person reacts to this statement, all amicably chorus laugh, considering that the joke was successful. Where border between a joke and lie? Whether there is a danger in this practice in relationship with children?
Any joke means existence, at least, of two things:
- of sense of humour at the joker and “victim“ which would allow to understand draw correctly;
- of the kind friendly relations between the parties, giving the grounds to similar actions.
Adult, repeatedly in the life the worried draws and jokes from friends, have certain “immunity“ and transfer jokes normally (if only it not absolutely silly jokes). Children, unlike adults, have no such immunity. They will perceive any message for a pure coin. Therefore in the presence of children it is necessary to use skillfully these instruments of creation of the relations (jokes, draws etc.) not to lodge in children`s mind doubt in your honesty.
Honesty - an active position
What means to be honest? Whether it means only to tell a lie? No, not only. Also how to be kind - not only not to do evil acts, to be honest - not only not to lie. Honesty is a living position of the person, his relation and perception of reality. Honesty - a set of the principles forming moral shape of the person.
the Problem that we often try to fit into a framework of the standard standards of honesty, without being internally honest people. It means that we can place great demands only on actions and acts, but not to care for the atmosphere in a family. In other words, we will pretend honest people, being internally always ready for a lie. It is easy to check this state in crisis situations when the principles of the person pass examination. For example, if I consider myself as the honest person whether I under any circumstances am ready to bribe the inspector of traffic police? If it is not ready to defend the positions or is ready to certain borders, then it also is degree of my living position. In the Bible there is a fine statement in this respect: “Honest also thinks about honest, and firmly costs in all that it is honest“ (Isaiah`s book, 32 hl.) . Let`s notice two steps of an active position here: thinks and costs. Apparently, the second without the first is not possible.
In order that children did not learn to lie to us, it is necessary to have the atmosphere of honesty in a family. It is necessary that they understood that lie - the phenomenon integrally alien to your family. That you not only fight against acts, but the image and your views does not allow dishonesty. If between spouses there are no relations of openness, trust, truthfulness, children is useless to force and punish. They unconsciously seek to be similar to parents.to
Practical steps to education of the honest child
So, it is necessary to direct the efforts not to defect overcoming, and to not an assumption of its emergence. There are several councils that needs to be made for education of honesty at the child.
- Never, under no circumstances deceive the child. Even if it seems to you that it is so necessary in this situation. Openly express to
- the position in relation to a lie.
- do not create the atmosphere of a police state in a family: for the slightest offense - punishment. Supervision show that in such situation children lie much more often than in families where the trust and love are on the first place.
- Spread honesty. Let children read books, watch animated films, listen to audiostories which the truth always wins. Before including a new animated cartoon, “thumb through“ it and try to understand: and what he preaches? The contribution to what formation of values will bring this videmateriat? Remember that books, audio - the video production is instruments of formation of the personality.
- Talk to children on honesty. Do not evade the questions to their questions. Do not think that everything will take place by itself: education - active process.
- do not deceive the spouse. It you will give for children a basis of imitation to you as to parents.