The hard way fortunately of
Why is impossible? What is with me not so? These questions haunted in any way. It seemed that pregnancy had to come at once, from the first attempt. There passed month, two, five... But, alas. Doctors, analyses, checks, money, nerves. Perhaps began to sound alarm too early (other couples work on it for years), but the desire to become mother of the most beautiful kid in the world or babies persistently pulsed in a brain and haunted.
of the Girlfriend was advised:“ Release a situation, do not go in cycles. As soon as you forget about obsession to become pregnant, at once you will receive long-awaited 2 strips“. Perhaps and so. But how to make it? You will not deceive yourself. And here again I consider days. This time everything has to be simpler because I went on folikuloginez. Here it, ovum! Ripened! Forward, towards to creation of new life!
I again “these days“. What to do? We do one more analysis on compatibility. The gynecologist sadly reports the diagnosis - immunological infertility. Hostile environment of a neck of a uterus kills all spermatozoa. Small chances to become pregnant are, however attempts can continue for years. Time stopped, and heaven and earth was moved. How - “infertility“? From where? Why at me? For what? In the head as if a dope, and the soul was clouded by the pressing darkness.“ Do not worry, an exit is, - the doctor calms. - Today for modern medicine it - not a problem. Let`s make an artificial insemination and if does not leave, then EKO, and you will have a child!“
It is good that there is exit. But not so I represented everything. And somehow it is not correct, not on - acceptable, perhaps. And suddenly, me or not time or is not allowed to become mother, and I will artificially interfere, and then my step will backfire to the child or me (to me - that, all right!)? The husband calms:“ Time God allowed such opening as EKO, so not just like that, so it - not against his will“. Yes, likely. Just from all thoughts and experiences adequately it is difficult to think. In a month the thought of an artificial insemination does not seem awful any more. I decide on one more check of passability of uterine tubes. If they are killed, then the insemination will not help. What unpleasant procedure! On a table almost I faint... The picture shows good passability of one pipe and doubtful - in another. “And still directly at the beginning of a pipe an unclear foreign matter. Most likely, it is necessary to operate, otherwise there can be an extra-uterine pregnancy“, - the doctor reports. Still it was not enough! That all not thank God! So far February, and then spring, you should not tighten. It is necessary to make till summer all necessary - as it is known, during a heat do not recommend operation. Registered in an appointment at which it was operated “in a feminine way“ once.“ Or perhaps it is a bubble! I do not see sense in operation“, - he says. And risk of extra-uterine pregnancy? I complain that after check of passability of uterine tubes ovaries hurt. Examines and swings the head. “It is necessary to make the test for pregnancy“. I am pregnant? Heart accelerated a rhythm and is joyful and disturbing - somehow sadly it swung the head.
Business was in the evening, and the test showed nothing. It “is a pity“, - I thought.“ It is good if are not pregnant,“ - the doctor says. What does it mean? “If are pregnant, then fruit egg out of a uterus,“ - the doctor told. And again a knife in the heart!
at Night almost did not sleep. Here and morning! To do the test rather. Hands shiver. I am afraid to look and see result. Strips two! During the first moments I for some reason rejoice. I so waited for them! Then there is an understanding that this news absolutely sad. Means, new blow! Again operation, treatments, attempts, expectations! Oh, My God! I call the doctor and I tell result. Advises in a week to make repeated ultrasonography. I cannot wait for week! I will go crazy! On ultrasonography immediately! And already in an office. The ultrasonographer - the kind big man. Calls “manyunechka“ and “beauty“. Such doctor cannot tell bad news!
I Tell it the story, the diagnosis and I ask me to please.“ Who delivered you infertility? - he is indignant. - You know how many it is necessary to pass analyses and researches that to put it!“ Is not present, I do not know. To whom to trust if not to the doctor? And suddenly diagnosis wrong? Perhaps I hurried with conclusions, and it was necessary to make the repeated test? Small flare of hope... “Give, look that at you there“. I watch closely each muscle of his face. Something it does not hurry to please me. “It seems, I will not be able to tell anything good. But let`s look once again on other equipment. Be not upset yet“. Still blow. I froze, inside everything stood, legs give away, knees shiver, in a throat a lump, in thoughts - one prayers. We come into other office. There is a big screen which shows everything in color. Watch 2 doctors. Drive fingers on the screen and discuss something. No, I do not want extra-uterine pregnancy! No, I do not want that I was cleaned! Same all the same that abortion! “Fruit egg here - it in a uterus, and out of a uterus...“ I did not hear and did not remember that I had there out of a uterus because I heard the main thing - I am pregnant. And pregnancy uterine! Now it is possible to sigh quietly, now it is possible to rejoice and fly with happiness! My God, really all tests ended? And they crowned joyful, long-awaited news? Everything turned out! I will be a mother! I am happy!