Check of adoptive parents. What to wait from agencies of guardianship for?
Recently we were witnesses of several high-profile cases against adoptive parents, and from - for it many began to worry especially before the approaching regular check from agencies of guardianship. What needs to be known and remembered that this event took place easily, without having injured you and the child?
First of all, you remember two things.the Adopted child is protected by
from an arbitrariness of the state in the same measure, as svoyerozhdenny. Roughly speaking, it is possible “to select“ him without good reasons, of course, as in our Family code it is reported about the right of OOP to withdraw children from a family in the presence of threat of their life and to health without explanation what is it (The family code of the Russian Federation, Chapter 12, Article 77).However it is much more difficult to make
than in case the child is under guardianship or in a foster home. And in general notorious “responsibility“ (which in OOP often understand very peculiar) for the adopted child at officials has less, than for those who still have the orphan status.
- Accurate and distinct evaluation criteria you as the adoptive father does not exist. In some regions the standards and recommendations are developed, but in general officials approach a family assessment from abstract criteria “to well-being - not well-being“. In it there is not only fat minus of “unclear rules of the game“, but also fat plus: nobody is going to climb to you in soul, you will be estimated, mentally comparing to extremely dysfunctional families.
Of what OOP
to imagine reference points of workers of guardianship dreams, remember the statement of inspection of living conditions which they drew up when you were going to become the candidate for adoptive parents. For guardianship essentially that in the house or the apartment it was pure. Therefore does not prevent to make clear-out if the child every minute carries all house in the course of game. Also positively existence in the apartment or the house of modern furniture and household appliances works - it testifies to the sufficient material level of a family.
the child has to have the place (it naturally, but we remind). It means, a separate bed, the place for toys and clothes, and the school student has a desk. All this has to look obviously rendered habitable.
the child has to have toys on age and clothes by the size. You are not obliged to dress up the child as on a New Year tree at all, nobody will worry if clothes inexpensive. Though if you use the clothes which were in the use, it is necessary that it was in a good shape and suited the child.
In the house. Workers of OOP sometimes inspect the refrigerator. Therefore an ideal picture - the filled refrigerator, a full pan on a plate and even a vase with fruit on a table.the Child has to be issued by
in policlinic. If he on age has to visit a garden and visits him, workers of OOP will be happy. On their logic, “if that - from there will report“.
the Child of school age has to attend school or be on house training which is issued under the law. Representatives of OOP can look at the diary of the child.
All this reasonable, normal demands which to execute not so difficult.Take an interest in
in advance whether employees of OOP want to see the child in a house situation. If the child goes to a garden and school, examination can be conducted also without it as workers of OOP have same working hours, as well as at a garden or school of full day. Just ask whether it is necessary to otprashivat the child from occupations. The same concerns other family members. Usually presence of all house is not required.during visit tell
about a way of life of the child, show photos - it will give your inspector additional information and in general will be apprehended positively.
Strangely enough, the conflicts with OOP arise at enough safe families more often, and the reason of it is in a difference of mentalities. In many families do not prepare the house, ordering food from cafe, sleep not on beds, and on a mattress, allow the child to stand on the head and to do homework, lying on a floor, do not address to children`s policlinic, and drive the child to the homeopathist and are engaged in a hardening. Some adhere to the theory of a rawism; there are religious families which prefer to live in a rigid ascetic situation, some work remotely or do not work, gaining income, say, from leasing of housing... In a word, there are families with strong beliefs, from - for whom the image of their life enough noticeably differs from most of people and from life of that social circle to which workers of OOP belong. And this situation can lead to the conflict because “disorder“.
If everything that I wrote - about you, you remember that the employee of guardianship is not always an open-minded person. You in a wall on which the kid drew fingers see art, and employees of guardianship - dirt and lack of repair. It is in this situation important not to strike a pose of “counteraction to the mode“, not to tear on itself a shirt, preaching own beliefs. From the point of view of OOP it will be “inadequacy“. Be polite and friendly. And whenever possible try to conform to their requirements and if necessary refer to recommendations of doctors (for example if it is a question of why the child goes on the apartment barefoot).do not hesitate to mention
achievements of the child, improvements in his health. It is not obligatory to suppress problems if they are, but it has to be obvious to employees of OOP that you work on them.
Reaction of the child
If the child not absolutely the baby, then visit of workers of OOP can cause in it a stress and inadequate behavior. In - the first, it can sharply react to your uneasiness. In - the second, the children who visited orphan establishment very sharply feel “authorities“ and will not confuse for anything them with “ordinary people“. And if the child endured withdrawal from a family, then he will be anxious doubly even if he at the conscious level does not remember this injuring episode any more.
Try to keep calm. Nothing terrible really happens. The small child can explain that the aunt will come to look how he lives that it can show it the toys. More senior child can be told approximately the same, but with details which are clear to him. The main thing that at the child the impression did not creep in that the aunt can take away it, etc. But despite preparatory conversation, the child can give very peculiar reaction to visit of the employee of OOP.
Aggression. Some children begin to behave aggressively, trying to expel as if “aunt“. It is normal reaction which says that the child wants to protect the territory and sees threat in “aunt“. Console yourself in the fact that it speaks about the formed affection for you.
Fear. under pressure of “checking“ the child can endure a severe stress, especially if ask it some questions in which he perfectly distinguishes a dirty trick, but does not understand in what the reason. “You love mother? The father plays with you? You quarrel with the brother?“ “What it is necessary for it, this aunt?“ - the child thinks, is frightened and becomes reserved or hangs on mother and begins to cry.
Love and tenderness. Many children who in children`s home or in orphanage learned “to play pretty girls“ unmistakably find employees of agencies of guardianship and a scent feel that they have to please them. Some parents are struck that the active and disobedient child suddenly turns in “sweet the good child“. It is not necessary to accuse the child of insincerity, he just feels threat and shows the skills of social adaptation.
Awful behavior. the Child can suddenly begin to behave as mad, to provoke you, etc. The stress in a situation where the degree of a nervous tension is obviously high is so just shown.If reaction of the child frightens you by
, keep calm, regret the child, having distracted from conversation with the employee of OOP. It not only will help you and the child with a difficult situation. It will impress favourably. You can express the feelings, tell about what the child endures to him it was necessary to endure a lot of things in orphan establishment.you should not prepare for
any documents For visit of the employee of OOP. It is just a meeting and conversation which they are obliged to carry out under the law. Be moderately open, benevolent, but do not fawn. And everything will pass successfully.