We learn to build dialogue of
of Impression of daily communication with parents - very first, but, perhaps, the most important social experience of the child which exerts impact on all its subsequent development. For this reason establishing dialogue - interaction between the child and mother or the father is a necessary condition for normal and timely development of the child.
Before approaching directly a subject of our conversation, we will remember that in pedagogics four types of education of children allocate: dictatorship, hyper guardianship, non-interference and cooperation. Each of them has the results, and the consequences in education of the child. Think what style of communication with the child was accepted by you!
Dictatorship is a systematic suppression by adults of an initiative of the child. Development in the child of strong reaction of resistance if on character he is inclined to leadership most often is result of commitment of parents to similar tactics. But is more often a result of such educational process there is an increased uneasiness, suspiciousness and uncertainty in itself.parents protect with
At hyper guardianship the child from cares, efforts and difficulties, assuming them. The result in this case is easily predictable - as a rule, the unripe, whimsical, egocentric, exacting personality, unadapted to life grows up from such child. On the other hand, overdriven since the childhood by excessive care, the child himself begins to feel powerless in the situation demanding from him action or decision-making. And happens and so: approaching teenage age, the child feels requirement to get rid of excessive guardianship that as a result leads to revolt, a protest.
Such type of family education as non-interference which is rather extended today, is under construction on recognition of expediency of independent existence of adults and children. Here the child is provided to himself. Parents at the same time believe that so it develops independence and responsibility. Of course, making mistakes, the child is forced to analyze them and to correct, but this method sins with probability of development in the child of emotional estrangement including from parents. The child who did not receive the necessary share of parental care and caress feels lonely, becomes mistrustful.
I, at last, cooperation - such way of creation of the relations in a family which basic principle is an association of parents and the child common goals and tasks, joint activity, mutual support in all spheres of life. The word “we“ will be a starting point of education in this case. In this case the child has enough independence, but always nearby is adult, ready in time to come to the rescue, support, to explain, calm. Such family is united by the general values and interests, family traditions and emotional requirement in each other.“cooperation“ should recognize
as the most effective type of education which is favorably influencing development of the child.
As we build dialogue with the child
Very important factor complicating the relations between children and parents, - inability of parents quietly and validly in relation to the child to state the thoughts. Quite often adults cannot quietly and accurately explain to the child what they want from him, that is to sound to him the expectations. At the same time they infinitely abuse it, attract strangers that those inspired in the son or the daughter what to it (or it) should be.
Ability is correct to discuss the arisen problem with the child is a one more important point of pedagogical art of the parent which builds the relations with the child by the principle of cooperation. “It is possible if since the early childhood to establish dialogue, but not a monologue, - the metropolitan Anthony Surozhsky writes. - And if the child has to be only ears, and parents only by voice, then nothing is impossible. But if since the earliest childhood parents showed interest: you are interesting to me! Each your thought is interesting to me, all your experience and all movements of mind and soul are interesting, explain, I do not understand... Trouble with parents that they almost always put themselves in such position: I - understand, and you do not understand... And if parents speak (that just the truth):“ I do not understand, you explain to me“, a lot of things could be explained. Because children readily explain that they think if they do not expect that they will be besieged right there and will prove that they are wrong“.
How to create a good basis for dialogue?
First of all to become quiet and sure. Today many parents look suppressed, lost hope, powerless. Their behavior often fluctuates between imperious coercion by means of which they try “to take measures“, and inactive permissiveness of the “democrats“ who are afraid to limit “freedom of the child“.
to reach tranquility and confidence, it is necessary to remember that you are responsible for education, and that your debt - to tell the vital principles and values to children. It is necessary to try to find self-confidence: understand that any extremes of parental education (nervous shout, passivity) come from uncertainty in themselves, in the parental powers and that your son (daughter) - the independent personality whom it is impossible to influence if credibility of the relations is lost. > It is very important to p to be
consecutive in the relations with children. Many think that they will achieve trust and love of children only if behave with them “friendly“. To become for the child the friend in some degree, undoubtedly, well, but it is necessary to understand that your “friendly“ position can allow him from time to time it “is possible“ to be beyond and it “is impossible“ in your relations. The friendly relations become dangerous in cases when the parent forgets the tutor about the role: it keeps on the authority. And the behavior of the parent in relation to the child becomes in this case ambiguous, indecisive, inconsistent, and sometimes and to nurseries (vindictiveness, irresponsibility, behavior by the principle “to spite“).
the Hardness and sequence - very important parental qualities bringing tranquility, a lucidity of mind. To be firm with children does not mean at all to be rough. Just the person since the childhood has to get used that in this world there are certain borders and rules with which it is necessary to reckon.As can train in
the child of responsibility and independence?
we Suggest you to follow some simple rules:offer
- clear and accurate rules:“ Do so, and so do not do“, gradually shifting responsibility for execution of these rules to the child;
- allow a possibility of disagreement from the child if at the same time it expresses it validly in relation to the parent;
- do not carry out for it affairs for which it is personally responsible; allow the child to act with
- independently, to experiment, but at the same time do not forget that he has to be responsible for consequences of the decisions and correct errors;
- help the child to disclose the strengths.
about mistakes and weaknesses of the child, it is important not to draw far-reaching conclusions, not to offend his personality. The person and his act - not same! Tell the son (daughter) about the discontent with a concrete act, but do not generalize an act to personal level, you do not pass to an insult of the identity of the child. For example, do not call him the numskull for the two, for a beer smell - do not prophesy “alcoholism“. Do not call the girl who for the first time was noticed in the company of boys in the evening that word which some loving mothers abuse in similar cases of the daughters.
Try not to use irony and sarcasm in communication with the child, not to humiliate it before other people, not to tell others about its mistakes.
Never - never - never move to a level of personal insults!now - act with
A! Find optimum for you and your son (or daughters) time and discuss with it what concerns you. Tell about the feelings concerning the situation which upset you, without claiming at all that such is a state of affairs actually. When your interlocutor speaks - attentively listen, do not interrupt, try to understand him.
the Main task of similar dialogue - to find the compromise solution, to teach to pass the child to a mutually acceptable position.