Why the child beats himself
Sometimes happen so that the small child of three years in intense situations begins to strike himself blows or to be up against a blank wall or a floor.
It causes the real shock in mother. If to consider that these blows happen absolutely serious, any parent has quite logical questions which can be divided into three conditional categories.
- Reason of such behavior. Why it so does? What in a family provokes such behavior at the child? Whether parents are guilty of something? I Want
- that it was not. How to make so that the child did not strike himself blows?
- As it is correct to mother to react to such behavior of the kid?
that there is no definite answer to one of these questions. Because the behavior of the child who beats himself is only a symptom. It as a headache - an imbalance symptom in an organism which reasons each person can have the.And still can mark out to
some general children`s features which provoke such behavior at the child in relation to themselves.
- the Child as the personality, most likely, is an introvert, that is, is inclined to internal orientation and concentration on himself.
- In life of the child some irritant which is not connected in any way with a situation when the kid strikes himself blows is available. The child owing to the age does not understand this irritant and badly realizes, but, nevertheless, he observes it and feels. It can be a stressful situation, a strong fright in the past, difficult circumstances in a family when all are very excited and strained, a serious illness of the kid or family member.
- the Child from category of “difficult“. At such children owing to some features of character and temperament of reaction to external circumstances are very brightly expressed. Sometimes these reactions are shown by the fact that it begins to beat itself(himself) the head, without being able to express in a different way the feelings, Let supposedly mother herself will guess that it is necessary to it, and let will make so that it ceased to do it. Whereas the ordinary child would approach and asked the thing which interested him for mother.
Various combination of these three features are given a variety of situations and depth of reaction of the child when it begins to beat itself(himself). Someone rolls on a floor of shop and slightly hits the head against a floor, trying to obtain that mother bought it the machine. Someone till it bleeds bites himself by a hand when mother was indignant to a children`s trick.the Child beats with
himself - and this behavior only an iceberg top under which there is a block of ice of extramental psychological intensity. Such behavior can be shown even if the child in a family is very much loved, not abused, do not call bad words.If mother in each case attentively watches
a look of the kid who beats himself, then she will be able to notice that in some situations it does it differently. Naturally, everything occurs quickly and spontaneously. So what distinctions in children`s behavior mother understands not at once. But if it occurs regularly, then distinctions become obvious. Let`s consider the main.
Such behavior the child can manipulate parents
Is valid, the child studies manipulations since childhood. And sometimes he intentionally strikes himself blows to cause the reaction desirable to itself from parents. Usually it is replacement of negative reaction of the adult by flash of tenderness towards the child.
How to understand whether the kid in a case when is up against a blank wall or a floor manipulates? At the age of two - three years the child is not able to lie and pretend to be yet sophisticated therefore it will be simple “to find“ him. Two main issues to which mother should pay attention:the child watches
- mother, obviously or hiding eyes, but surely watches how it reacts to his behavior;
- a look at it feigned, intense;
- the child alternates the actions: strikes himself blows and after that looks at reaction of mother.
Such behavior the child can punish himself
In human nature is put since the deepest childhood to do everything that his parent wants. On this subject there is a large number of information and material. Therefore I will not stop in detail on it, I will tell only that this mechanism operates literally. Mother speaks to the son:“ You are same useless as your father“. To subconsciousness of the child there is information: “Be such as your father!“ Or the daughter`s father speaks: “To you still early to be on friendly terms with boys“. To the girl there is a signal:“ Be on friendly terms with adult men“.works with
Similar to this mechanism when mother abuses or reproaches the small child with his behavior. The children`s mentality perceives it literally - punishes itself from height of the age and understanding. Especially if to consider that at the age of two - three years (“crisis of three-year-olds“) the child just begins to separate psychologically himself from mother. He does not understand what changes in mentality at it happen, and do not realize themselves in new quality of the personality separated from mother yet. For it so far her chagrin is and his chagrin, her rage and it too. Therefore there is nothing surprising that the child is ready to make everything if only mother did not become angry. Any sort comments of discontent (it is not obligatory with the raised voice or irritation) from its party can provoke the child to striking themselves blows.
Ourselves can observe this mechanism in when, having scolded with someone, allegedly incidentally we knife to ourselves a finger. Thus as if punishing itself for fieriness.This type of children`s reaction can also be determined by
by a look of the child:it is visible to
- that the child is sincerely strongly afflicted;
- if mother leaves the room or turns away, he does not stop striking himself blows.
Such behavior the child can show the despair
It is, perhaps, the most difficult for understanding of mother a type of reaction of the child when it beats itself(himself). For example, mother watches from outside how the child plays. The child of a mother`s look does not notice. It cannot find a toy or is in any other difficulty. Instead of asking for the help the adult, begins to hit itself a hand in the face. At the same time child:with
- it is not upset and, according to mother, it has no serious reasons to do so;
- a look at it neutral or puzzled.
Thus, attentively watching the kid, mother can define approximately why the child beats himself. The kid inclined to such actions can act in two any or in all options at the same time. That is he at the same time can test despair and seek to put pressure upon the adult. And mother should act in each case not on some template, and to try to find that unique key which will approach her kid to weaken his internal tension. > to Mother it is always important to p to remember
that the behavior of the child is a litmus piece of paper by which it is possible to determine the general psychological situation in a family. The child shows not only the psychological mood, but also mood of parents at present.
the most important way which will be able to change behavior of the child in relation to itself(himself) from this follows. It is necessary “to treat“ a psychological situation in a family!
But circumstances when it is impossible happen. Not always in forces of parents to provide to the child the ideal, harmonious and happy psychological atmosphere. Mother has to understand that the child just like that proves through drawing to himself harm owing to age. Over time the child will cease to beat himself, but tendency to it, most likely, will remain for the rest of life. Only he will strike blows to himself not to a body, and in soul. What can lead to the lowered self-assessment of the personality., nevertheless, to mother should not calm down and wait for
I when the child ceases to beat himself. If mother thinks that you should not correct the child when he incorrectly behaves, or to comment on his bad behavior, then it will not help the child. Each kid needs that to him pointed to borders in which he can act. A question only in how to do it?
Here only some points to which it is worth paying attention. Mother can narrow or expand the offered options, at discretion, communicating directly with the kid.
- to Reduce the loudness of a voice and an expression. Mother can make experiment and reproach the child in a whisper or on an ear. Such behavior can surprise so for some period the kid that it will be fixed not so strongly on itself(himself) and to forget to beat itself. not to change
- the behavior from abuse on tenderness is sharp. If mother lectures the child for his behavior, you should not rush on the child with kisses as soon as he struck himself the first blow to the head. Mother only fixes by such behavior at the child a behavior stereotype. Physically not to allow the child to beat with
- itself. Mother softly holds the child when he beats himself and surely comments on it the following phrases: “It is not necessary to do so. Mother very much loves you“. not to manipulate
- in response to its manipulations. In this case mother needs to understand precisely that now the child beats himself for the purpose of pressure upon parents that they granted his desire. It does not punish itself(himself) and is not in despair. Then mother temporarily stops any communication with the child, can even leave its one in the room, letting, thus, it know that striking herself blows, all the same will not be able to achieve the desirable. to Tell
- more often to the child of the word of love.“ Even if mother becomes angry, she all the same very much loves the kid“.
A most important even if the child will cease to strike himself blows over time, mother should not forget that the child did it. When it grows up, mother should use the best efforts to teach him to abstract from stressful situations and not to transfer them to itself(himself). Not to hang on itself sense of guilt. Mother has to give to the child a core of internal feeling of the integral personality which will support him in life.