On topic of the day of
Aggression in this or that look is inherent in all people - this instinctive form of behavior is one of ways of self-defense and helps us to survive. But if the adult can control own experiences, then the child has no such skill yet. As to pacify the young rowdy?
Each parent, probably, at least once in life contemplated the squealing and rubbed clean child and felt at the same time absolutely helpless. And “Buy these awful shouts, buy, buy!“ in toy stores?! And the kindergarten teachers reporting something it seems “your son today again beat Vasya and took away toys from Marusya“?!to
to learn to keep the cold head in similar situations, to us it is necessary to believe that children`s aggression is absolutely natural emotion. It is impossible neither to check it, nor to regulate. Moreover, if it is constant to child to forbid to express the anger - “Do not stamp!“ “Do not shout“, “Be not angry“ - and to punish him for it, he will begin to think that, becoming angry, he does something bad, and will begin to hide from you the real experiences. Consequences of similar “are impossible“ are very sad: the most smaller - the kid will grow up “weakling“ and will not learn to protect himself in difficult situations. And such ban can push more impressionable children to an autoaggression, that is conscious harming itself. It does not mean at all that children`s hysterics and remarks of teachers should be disregarded. But before taking repressive measures in relation to the “mad“ offspring, it is necessary to understand why he so “badly“ behaves and whether there is no yours in it - parental - fault.to
the Lack of attentionto
It is clear that parents are the main people in life of the child and he believes in their love unconditionally. But the farther, the more often he hears from mother with the father:“ I have no time “, “ play itself “or“ I am busy, me not to you“. For the time being the peace of the child is preserved by stability, but if adults wave away from the kid too often - to it begins to seem that it can be and is not necessary to parents at all. To pay their attention to itself, it is ready for everything: to cry, strike, break a cup - if only it was noticed again. He already is not even frightened by future punishment, he gradually begins to live by the principle “the worse, the better“ - and it is almost ideal soil for aggression emergence.
What to do?
to Pay attention to it to “the little bastard“ in the doubled or trebled size. As if you neither were tired or nor were busy, make over yourself effort, listen to the son or the daughter, try to answer all his questions and do not forget to embrace or kiss at the end of conversation on the top. Such “simple“ manifestations of feelings very much calm hyper emotional children. If affairs do not allow to find for the kid time at this concrete moment, just ask it to make to you some surprise - so he will be busy not with sad reflections about the lonely life, and pleasant and useful business.Usually the peak of children`s aggression falls
Trying to achieve div from the successor of the desirable, we often hold up to it as an example other children:“ You did not clean the toys, and here at Olya in the room is an ideal order “or“ Lesh always goes clean and accurate, and you tore again trousers“ - options a set. Regularly hearing such examples, the child begins to think that he as the worst kid on light, simply is not worthy your love. This educational reception not only will not bring results necessary to you and will sharply lower a children`s self-assessment, but also will cause rage in the child. He will want to deal properly with these ideal Olya and Lesha and will begin to show aggression in relation to all without discrimination to age-mates. The kid does not doubt that each of them in something surpasses him, so, seriously applies for love its personal fathers and mothers.“ Let to all of us it will be bad“, - he will solve and will begin to realize the plan.
What to do?
In - the first to cease to use other people`s children as a screen for cover of the pedagogical insolvency. Understand that Olya has always an order not because she is such responsible and accurate girl but because her parents know how to achieve the necessary result from the child. Think up more sparing and at the same time more effective methods of motivation of own idler. You praise it for the toys which are put away in a box even if at the same time he forgot to make a bed, and do not forget to say before going to bed to the kid that it “the best person on light“. Repeat it as a mantra, and results will not keep themselves waiting. The known truth “if ten times to tell the person that he is a fool, he eventually will believe in it“, works and in the opposite direction. The kid, having heard words of gratitude, will surely try to correspond to them. You will see - the more surely your successor will feel, the to communicate he will begin more quietly and more benevolently with other children.
of Quarrel in a family
only adults think that if they swear in a whisper in kitchen behind closed doors, the child hears nothing and does not understand. If your conflicts develop in a civilized way - without shouts, a beating of ware and bitter tears, - you should not worry especially. And here in case the kid sees how mother raises at the father, and the father shouts at beloved mummy, be ready that the child himself also can make something similar. For example, to make to parents scandal - with stamping by legs and obzyvatelstvo or to hit the grandmother, having taken offense at her for non-performance of some desire. It is senseless to abuse it for it: it just copies parental behavior, for imitation it has no other example.
What to do?
to Solve family problems quietly and most imperceptibly for the kid. If independently it is impossible to cope with rough temperament - go to the psychologist. There is a set of simple trainings which learn to keep self-control in the most difficult and nervous situations.
In shop all and at once: from a chocolate medal for 15 rubles to the supercar for 15 thousand. Having heard natural “on it there is no money“, he suits a hysterics with a fulling on a floor and stamping by legs. Here you are already irritated and, having seized the kid by a hand, drag him on the street to continue execution there. Of course, who wants to look a mother - the sadist in the opinion of the whole world?
What to do? >
it is difficult to h2 to Avoid such situation, but it is possible. The main thing to sign the cunning contract with the child here. For example, introduce “the rule of one purchase“ in use: let the kid know that you buy one toy to him always, and here about the second out of the question. Other option - to get a moneybox where you together with the child will put small coins and of which contents the successor will be able to dispose at own discretion.
of Border permitted
Aggressive acts of children, naturally, demand reaction from parents, and the main thing here - not to make the wrong choice of an educational method. If you drop everything, the child just will not manage to understand, well he arrived or it is bad. Yes, Fedya cried with the fact that he hit him on the platform and, mother told that it is impossible to beat other children and - yes. But no distinct penalty followed! So, next time it undoubtedly again will get into a fight. In such cases the child needs sensitive censure. Moreover - the more rigidly you outline border resolved, the will bring more benefit to the gone too far child. Do not give in on children`s tears and shouts - it is necessary to bend the line from the last emotional forces. But it is necessary to do it so. that punishment did not become manifestation of your own aggression. Any slaps and shouts: the kid can react to them with a bigger rage - and the circle will become isolated. Choose “quiet and peaceful“ penalties: forbid viewing of a favourite animated cartoon or do not buy a chocolate - any is good “a nonaggressive measure“. Also do not forget to accompany repression with a detailed explanation of offense: the child has to understand for what he suffers. Gradually, by means of your admonitions and punishments the kid strongly realizes borders legal and. as a result, will learn to operate own emotions.
- - at all do not hit it back. If it is single flash and you understand that the kid had a serious reason for irritation, just help it to calm down. Most likely, most it is a shame to the child with this act, and your task - not to aggravate this sense of guilt. If similar becomes at the successor a habit - take measures. Let know to a young aggressor that you took offense, stop to talk for a while to him, and after punishment explain that you too the person and to you as well as it, is painfully.
Is important: before panicing from the fact that the child raised a hand against you analyse own behavior. Whether not too often you show it displeasure slaps? The answer is affirmative? First of all correct own behavior!
- If you feel aggression in the child, teach the kid to use it in “the peace purposes“. The father can practice boxing with the successor, mother - to arrange fight with pillows. Physical exercises help to let out negative emotions and to calm down. Regular trainings will not interfere with sport too: as the Czech psychologist Zdenek Mateychik spoke, “if the boy has no opportunity to kick a ball, he will kick other children“.
- If the child made offense, do not shame him at all. It is necessary to sort each case of manifestation of aggression alone with the successor. The strangers who became witnesses of “shame“ can provoke at the child rage, awkwardness and, as a result, one more - stronger - an aggression attack. In this case your education will smoothly flow in humiliation which will not bring to the kid any benefit.