The best piece - to the child?
Yesterday I read interesting article which set thinking. Still all literature on education which I read regarded the IDENTITY of the child, respect for it from the first hours of its existence as of paramount importance. It very much corresponds to mentality of the modern person. We live “everyone for ourselves“, we count only on own forces. We do not like to study, already at student`s age we demand from teachers of respect for the talents, slowly we laugh at the teachers. We are not ready to perceive councils, we are not able to adopt others experience.
according to the author of article, roots of this phenomenon are put in the childhood. Modern people, in the majority, treat type of “homeless children“. At the age of 10 - 12 years they interrupt internal communication with parents, they unconsciously make the decision that even if to them it will be bad, they will not come for the help to parents, and will cope, or will go for support to the peers, same “homeless children“, as well as they are. It is that phenomenon of “youth subculture“.
Growing, such people are not able to work in collective, are not ready to perceive mentoring of seniors, they so forever also remain isolated. And the same outlook on life is latently imparted to own children.
Further the author pays attention that “child“ to be favorable and prestigious. Modern parents are practically always ready to give the first and best piece to children behind a table d`hote. “All best - to children!“ - you remember this slogan? While earlier (remember “Domestic tyranny“) the best piece was received by the father, the head of the family. And children since the birth were raised in the spirit of obedience, respect for seniors. It is impossible to imagine that in primitive society the child was more esteemed, than the father. The same, probably, can be told also about medieval families.
After reading of this article I strong reflected whether and correct I have an approach to education? There was no strong wish that between me and my children the same abyss was formed, as between me and my parents, as between my mother and her mother...
By the way, the author of article - the employee of institute of sociology and psychology at the Russian Academy of Sciences, the consultant of the center of the help to newlyweds, the father having many children.
11. 8. 2001 12:49:32, Ekhomam >
we Will share i!
- That it “the best piece“? The family eats strawberry - the baby gets the largest and ripe berries. Chicken - give what will choose, disregarding addictions of the others, and all others choose from what remained. Well and so on.
13. 8. 2001 9:54:28, Lada
- seems to me that giving the best piece, we do not show weakness, and we learn to share. It seems to me that the person, at koty as was told earlier “indulged“ grows kinder, than that which in the childhood had nothing.
12. 8. 2001 9:39:21, Daniella is Absolutely confident
- that “the best piece“ should be divided - that the child should not receive something to the detriment of others (to parents, including)
11. 8. 2001 14:59:6, Sleepy
- Happens so - distributed to everything, all on candy, everyone ate, and here it becomes clear that the grandmother hid a candy for the granddaughter “yes I do not love these candies“. And next time if she eats it, the child also will take offense that to him was not left.
13. 8. 2001 12:24:56, Lada
- Perhaps when “is distributed and divided“ then there are problems? Tastes at all different. I could not live, distributing candies. And if something the limited quantity, then is possible for the kid and to concede, in it there is nothing terrible, in my opinion. If he very much loves these candies, to give the and not to bring to a hysterics.
15. 8. 2001 13:32:23, Ket
- A then he will love these shoes, this apartment, this car. And again mother will give all the not to bring to a hysterics.
15. 8. 2001 14:36:15, Lada
Back, to the Domestic tyranny!
- In a family of my uncle the best piece was given to the father, children (the daughter and the son) grew up obedient, hardworking, but as if “slaves“ for chiefs, spouses.
11. 8. 2001 15:31:45, Shanya
- is an orthodox approach to education. Education in the spirit of Christian humility. It does not deny service to society and does not mean refusal of an initiative, career. Only that is difficult and another “to marry“.
11. 8. 2001 15:41:22, Ekhomam
- Simply should not put interests of the child above all the others (at least at it) and everything will be normal.
14. 8. 2001 8:15:1, Elena D.
to good!“the best pieces“ were always given by
- In my family to me and my sister. And I am very grateful for it to parents. I think, our parents can always count on us. And here my husband grew up in a family where the due attention was not paid to children. He does not understand sense of gifts, congratulations on holidays, warmth in a family.
12. 8. 2001 9:32:27, Tan
- U us all on the contrary. In my family “the best pieces“ were given to children, rest - for the sake of children etc. As a result there is no family per se - everyone in itself, any family prazdik as a hobby...
12. 8. 2001 17:28:8, the Pleasure
- Ya would not compare education of children at “Domestic tyranny“ and presently. Very much it is different things. In old times of the woman gave birth time on 20, children survived the person 10. Did not appreciate children as now, they were REPLACED. Now we have in families 1 child - norm, 3 children - mother are considered a heroine. And so for the unique child mother will worry and be afraid, naturally, more.“ Will indulge“ more. But it is possible to do also without the term “the best piece“ now, all can receive equally anything.
11. 8. 2001 20:18:23, the Mouse Sonya
- If you take all the best to yourself, and to keep a tight rein on the child, it will lose touch with you much quicker. In general all parallels with the Domestic tyranny (by the way if to remember the Russian literature, the special proximity with parents then was not - there was rather an a fear) and furthermore with the Middle Ages or a primitive system seem to me absolutely inappropriate - the culture and all our life changed too strongly.
11. 8. 2001 20:39:53, Me parents always allocated to ElleK with
- the best piece. So what? I from it did not become greedy, I love the parents or the daughter less. In my opinion, it is all about rationality and sense of proportion.
13. 8. 2001 10:49:31, Ket
- Is such parable about eagles. To an old eagle time to die came. It was necessary to look for replacement by the place. Here the old eagle began to ask young eagles that they will do if there was any trouble. Two eagles told that they will rescue an old eagle. And one told that he will rescue baby birds first of all. The last answer satisfied the dying eagle and the pereemnik he appointed an eagle who will rescue children.
Communication with parents, in my opinion, is interrupted by parents 10 - 12 years much earlier. Attempts to isolate the child begin till first year.
11. 8. 2001 18:53:2, Natashav
not in it at all!
- A I consider that it is not education, the relation and even love. There are a lot of examples when in a family treat children equally. And grow: one - the normal person, (excuse) another - terminated to a limit. Where logic? The personality, character of the child is built up long before the birth, and we can only impart to it those, or other qualities; but to change - no! And as for interruption of internal communication, this normal phenomenon. Teenagers prepare for independent (adult) life. It in us is put by the nature. It is impossible to stay all life near a mother`s skirt though is also such, but as a rule, “mother`s sonnies“ cause negative reaction. We love most not than parents, but the children and husbands (wives)! And respect? It who as deserved...
12. 8. 2001 6:6:7,
- I do not remember Tan who from clever and ancient told:“ At first children of parents love, then hate, at the end are sorry“. For many it so. Only from himself there is a wish to add that through pity children come to love again. And probably adults of can call when in the relations with parents to understanding of it you come.
11. 8. 2001 16:5:56, Crolles
- Teenage estrangement, this phenomenon which outgrow the same as develop the writing period into panties. And then everything falls back into place. And mother again the loved one and there is a wish to share with the father
. 11. 8. 2001 13:32:26, = Sveta™ =
- the Distance of teenagers from adults - the normal stage taking place at all times. Return of teenagers back - yes, a problem with it is. And it is a complex and deep problem. Education of the child - the sisemny process including not only parental influence. It is characteristic that in our country there were very few children raised in deep respect for their personality until recently, and the described problems existed long ago.
11. 8. 2001 17:4:40 whether Yasya Grow at
- at us homeless children or our friends, - it is very important. It seems to me that respect for the identity of the child, the major moment on the way of its growing. If the child knows that he the personality, and parents respect his personality, want to help him at a difficult moment, understand him - it is and there is the main way to receive from the favourite kid of the friend when he becomes a teenager.
16. 8. 2001 16:7:3, Lyubov
- A I consider that all this is not connected at all. I was not indulged, and with my mother at me very tense relations. we had everything: both the diaries read and the whore of naming.... also beat me... till 17 years... Not in the best piece business. And just in the relation. The clever and good parent will bring up the child so that the child will understand “balovaniye“ correctly...
11. 8. 2001 19:7:22, the Swallow
- the Most terrible manipulation from adults / parents for me always was (and is): we meant well, we tried for you (even without having asked about your desire. My note), and you do not appreciate our efforts and do not want to take the advantages and opportunities given you.
11. 8. 2001 21:59:32, Woman Nyura
- Oh my God! I am not lonely! My mother issues this phrase on 10 times per day. Already begins to shake me from it.“ I on you put so many forces, health lost, all the best for you, and you... instead of going to medical and to work as the cardiosurgeon gave birth to children and became the economist“.
13. 8. 2001 9:54:42, to
- to me here is how time never got Tavi the best piece and to indulge me was harmful, and a search of times a week, a lot of things was that does not want to be remembered... I even being small thought that I will grow up and I will find the real parents, horror... and what?. I grew up and literally broke myself that though somehow to communicate with parents, I, to the shame, even on a question whether I love them, honestly cannot answer, well I do not know, I do not know... it is terrible actually...
11. 8. 2001 14:48:54, aaw
- did not turn out at you with parents - but it seems to me that it is rather their wine - and they have to be ashamed of it.
11. 8. 2001 15:4:26, Sleepy
- Not everything is so simple, alas. In human society it is accepted “to love parents“ even if they and almost foreign people. You then - the moral freak. And then, nevertheless parents... did not allow to starve to death, did the best... in their understanding. That from the fact that their understanding of love is not similar to yours?
About what credibility to the parent can there be a speech if the parent reads rebenkina diaries, spitting on bans (“I am your mother, I have to know that happens to you... in this house you have nothing personal, you and kopeks to the house brought“), and derides then read?
Yes... good parents - nobody knows how become them. But bad - well just as graduate from the same institute on this specialty. It is a lot of general...
11. 8. 2001 16:19:10,
I good parents
- Me cultivated Pleasure so: parents never have to themselves refuse anything from - for the child. Mother - my best friend still. I trust it more, than myself. If to me it is bad, then the first who learns about it - it is it. Strangely enough - yet there was no situation when it did not help me in the most effective way. Perhaps in it all secret of our friendship and the gentle relations with it.
11. 8. 2001 14:45:43, Lena
- to me mother was the closest girlfriend and the most important person in life till 22 years too until I decided to marry the man of which she considered to me not as couple. There was a gap which painful was for me and for it. I think that then we would find the road to each other again, but she died from cancer in a year after my marriage. So it also remained for me forever unfinished history - I and my beloved mother...
11. 8. 2001 18:35:15, Alice
- A at me in 19 years it was. But, the most interesting as it was right. That is we divorced in about 2 years. In the future I always very much listened to her opinion concerning my private life. And yet never she was mistaken.
11. 8. 2001 16:24:57, Lena
So to do with the Personality?
- Ya entirely for respect for the identity of the child. Also I do not see any contradiction provided that identity of the father and mother in a family are also fully respected. Then many questions disappear by itself.
13. 8. 2001 10:14:36, Svetlana Somehow read to
- a question like “Present three steps, on average your kid. Where you will put yourself?“ “Correct answer“ appeared TOGETHER WITH the KID. I then thought of it because I put the child above.
is more reasonable - golden mean...
11. 8. 2001 13:5:35, allila