Crystal ball of responsibility
- You slapped the child on a bottom - it is uneducational!
- And you refused to play with it in a ball when the child asked!
- And you shouted at it for the fact that it spilled on itself(himself) compote and broke off a shirt!
- You allow it to say that I am her father - is not right!!!
- And you were at the computer, without having talked to it!
- And you...
Well how, impresses? You want to learn why similar situations, scandals and dismantling - not a rarity in modern families? Why it occurs? For what purpose parents abuse each other, choosing as a subject of dispute and charges of the child? How to stop it, having moved to other level of development of the relations? Let`s try to find answers together.
the Look from outside
Abstract, my dear. Be not too lazy to close eyes right now and to present itself the detached onlooker in others two-room flat. In kitchen the family sits. Husband, wife and you. Parents actively sort out the relations, accusing each other of all mortal sins. The speech comes into some moment about you.
- As you could act this way with it (with it)...!
- And you! Really she was not able to explain to she (he) that...?!
you at first are perplexed why this emotional conversation on you goes in the third party. Then you begin to interfere, but you are ignored. You are indignant! You are rebuffed: “Wait, the road (expensive)!“ . And dismantling from the increased tones turns into shouts, povizgivaniye, the broken voices. You try to butt in again, considering that you also are responsible for scandal. Not here - that was!
- You only look, - mother screams, - what brought the child to!
- And who, tell, please, all this the beginnings! - The father is not at a loss for a word.
I only here you understand that these people - the most expensive and favourite for you - your parents. And you are a little boy or the girl. This your house. You member of this family. But you have no vote. In spite of the fact that the speech as it became clear, goes about you. About yours, allegedly, the benefit, happiness and a peace of mind.
you quietly leave from - for a table. “Why I to them? They quarrel from - for me, tell any nonsense. About what it they? Probably, I did not please them with something, they any more me will not love, I am not necessary to them any more!!!“
My God to what it silly looks! To what it is tragic...
Questions of education
These questions are considered as a cornerstone almost in each family. Why? You think that parents differently treat new trends in pedagogics? What purposes of such dismantling? To improve the child`s life? To assert before each other its rights?
you about what? You just happened to be present at family scandal in your honor. What conclusions? It was succeeded to feel protected and happy? And full member of a family? Then, maybe, tomorrow your life will turn into a continuous holiday, and these examinations will be forgotten as a bad dream? And you will understand how a lot of common sense consisted in them?
By no means. So what aims are pursued by parents, doing by a showdown subject the beloved child?
Race for power or...
Certainly, one of the purposes - race for power. “Who in the house the owner?“ - each adult family member questions, very much trying to prove that it he (she). At the same time the mass of ways is used: from manipulation and blackmail before use of “the nuclear weapon“.to
It is clear that this fight is won by the one who is stronger, more cunning, quicker, is able to manipulate and hide, dodge and wait. Still it is possible to fight for the territory, the right of possession, freedom of speech, movements, for illusory values, with foam at a mouth defending what was absorbed with maternal milk in a native home: stereotypes, schemes, traditions, kicks and caress. It is unclear only, WHY all this is necessary?
- Why to use a family as the ground?
- Why to be at war with each other? What
- both parties try to achieve the objectives, conducting active military operations?
- Why to be called the loud word FAMILY when it is possible to be called partners in games, theater of military of action, ice slaughter?
- I, at last, why to use children in the games if initially it did not enter the purposes of the parties?
the True purposes of creation of a family
What they are these true purposes? What drew our imagination when we got married, played a wedding, got married, made decisions to give birth to the child?
- to Live together in love and pleasure.
- to Create, create, raise, foster. Everything (or a lot of things) to do
- to Derive pleasure from each lived day.
- to Care about each other. And still a lot of things - many other things...
you, really, consider that military operations are capable to bring and lead to these purposes? Then why we are at war? Every year “increasing the pace of arms“, improving and upgrading the weapon, rejoicing to each won meter?
Why we perceive each other as opponents? What prevents us to perceive each other as partners?the Crystal ball of responsibility
you Like to play
in a ball? Let`s play. Catch! To you directly the fine sphere flies to hands. It is poured on the sun, sparkles all sides. It is transparent. It from crystal. Now in your hands the best that is created by the nature and the person! Beauty, happiness, wellbeing, peace of mind. A ball - the embodiment of all fine. And you can catch it, protect and protect. Now it is yours. And only yours. It is your crystal ball of responsibility. to you it is terrible
? Why? You are afraid that you will not be able to care for it? What at you will not turn out? What are you insufficiently strong, wise, competent? What there are people who know better you, can cope better you with YOUR ball?
you want to throw it, to refuse? You are weighed by beauty for which you should be responsible? Words, acts, decisions which can do much harm to a ball? It is necessary to think over what to tell how what to make. It is necessary to think of consequences of the acts. To you it is terrible? It is terrible that you will not cope?
But it is only your ball. Unless it is possible not to cope if this miracle is created especially for you? You need just to believe in it. Simply, so simply...
Whose responsibility?you Know
what is done by parents when swear? They are thrown by the balls of responsibility. Yes, yes, those crystal balls. “You are guilty! - Itself is guilty! - You have to! - No, you have to! - You are responsible for it! - No, you are responsible for it!“
the Ball, sparkling, flies from one to another. In principle, to it neither it is cold, nor is hot. Giving suffer. They voluntarily refuse a ball.
is not attracted by perfection of crystal sides, an ideal form, wisdom, darimy to each owner of a ball, force, patience, endurance, intuition. All benefits are dimmed by fear and self-flagellation. “I will not cope! It will not turn out! I am not clever! He is not talented! I am a bad father! I am bad mother!“
... Once I also threw a ball. And for a moment detained it in hands. I glanced in depths of this perfection only on fractions of a second before again rejecting it. Next time I left it longer. It bewitched. The opportunities, beauty, pleasure as which from it blew. And once, having caught a ball, I retained it...
Now to me have no need to throw it. It is with me. Always. I know as far as he is beautiful how many opportunities give me. And how much I will be able to receive, costs me only it strongly to want!
This ball - my responsibility for what I do in life. If I want that something important happened to me, I think what can be made. I have no need to wait when for me another thinks, and then, having made, will reproach. Unless I need it?the relations with the child do not arrange
? Change. These are only your relations with the child.the relations with parents, the husband, colleagues do not arrange
? Change! These are only your relations.
Difficult in the beginning. Then dividends begin to go. And you will begin to feel taste to responsibility.