Rus Articles Journal

Children`s cigarettes do not happen

They stand during breaks at a small fence - laugh, discuss teachers, smoke... And it is undoubted, cause almost in each adult indignation and condemnation. And extent of this indignation does not depend at all on whether the adult smokes.

It is quite strange

, but the fact - presence of bad habit at parents does not belittle requirements imposed on the beloved child one of which - to avoid adverse effect of an environment at all. Is it worth “sprinkling the ashes on the head“, having found out once what the child smokes?

Why children smoke

? All adults ask this question irrespective of whether it concerned their child or not. Why this habit continues to be fashionable among teenagers?

by

In Russia take the various measures directed to fight against smoking: from preventions of the Ministry of Health, an advertizing ban on television before withdrawal of cigarettes from modern movies, but the percent of the smoking teenagers decreases absolutely slightly. Parents have to learn the reason why their child smokes, and only after that to take any actions. Perhaps, the answer lies a little closer, than it seems, - fight against teenage smoking begins with each separate family.

Why they

For a start need to understand cigarettes that at teenage age not the physical, but psychological need for smoking is formed, and then to deal with the reasons of teenage smoking. It is obvious that these reasons the most various and all of them really serious even if are given by the teenager for usual curiosity. It is difficult to lead motivations of the smoking teenager to a uniform denominator, but it is possible to try to allocate the main directions. Children begin to smoke the most different reasons: some want to look more senior, to feel independent and adult, someone considers that smoking will help to grow thin, and at someone just smoking company, and it gets under its influence.

than

One of the most common causes of smoking among children - the desire to seem is more adult, to prove to all, and first of all itself that you any more not the child.

Among young people often rigid fight for authority goes, and smoking, according to some teenagers, only strengthens it. In the company you will be treated with a sigarette, and allowed to light, and patted shoulder when you have a fit of coughing from the first inhaling. It is important to parents to understand that here “collective intelligence“ of teenage consciousness, influence of group and the general tendencies, the unconscious appeal to “adulthood accessories“ which extends everywhere among teenagers works. Almost with confidence it is possible to tell that if to approach the smoking company of teenagers and to ask each of them why he smokes, then in reply in most cases it is possible to hear:“ I do not know“. “I do not know“ it and there is an expression of that collective mentality which is so inherent in children at this age.

you do not hurry to make to the child scandal for what he smokes, even without knowing for what it does it. The reasons can be much deeper, than you think. There is one more important factor - teenagers are attracted by novelty and an aura of a forbidenness around a smoking subject. Strangely enough, but the desire to smoke can be quite logical reaction to desire to try “something brand new“ from “entertainments“ available to the teenager.

“We with girlfriends tried to smoke

in 9 - m a class that to today`s measures is considered late. Before thoughts such did not arise, but to 9 - mu to a class curiosity got the best, though nobody was going to be involved in this business.
So, we gathered three together, bought cigarettes and a lighter and went to park... I cannot tell what very much was pleasant to us, but we really felt in some measure is more adult. At first this overindulgence was limited to couple of cigarettes a week and was based on the fact that we just will understand what is it, and with ease we will throw. Process of smoking was so optional that we even had no thought to hide something from parents. And here the first parental reaction - my mother, having seen at me in a bag a pack of cigarettes, burst into tears and told nothing - forced to think of any cunnings seriously: it was necessary to hide cigarettes, after smoking to jam and zazhevyvat that the smell disappeared, to smoke, holding a cigarette sticks that from hands did not smell of tobacco, and so forth. I thought of all these tricks, and the quantity of the smoked cigarettes everything increased...“

Maya Perova, 18 years

we Will pay attention that Maya first of all speaks about curiosity and a maturity. The first cigarette is almost always curiosity. After it is satisfied, there is something that teenagers mistakenly take for a maturity element. The keyword - is “wrong“.

to Parents first of all needs to work with

in this direction - to try to understand what “signs“ of a maturity are not enough for the child. Let`s assume, to girls forbid to use cosmetics, and to boys to come back home later than usual. It is obvious that adults need to look for a certain replacement, first of all in order that smoking ceased to be associated subconsciously the teenager with manifestations of a maturity.

Simple example: in the company of boys 14 - ti will be more advantageous than years against the others to look the one who, having come to school, will tell that he at the dacha with the father drove at the weekend the car, but not the one who smoked at the weekend a pack of cigarettes. In a word, look for equivalents, give the chance to the child to prove in something “adult“, in anything that could would like to replace partially in consciousness of the teenager thought “cigarettes = a maturity“.

Maya shares

that used different cunnings that parents did not learn that she smokes. Tricks is a certain game in which, without realizing absolutely that, the teenager enters. At this age of the word “teenager“ and “game“ practically synonyms, but it plays not with toys any more, and with real life situations, and, we will repeat, does it almost unconsciously. To make everything that adults did not learn about smoking - it is for the teenager a certain sport, it in a certain sort “victories“, so necessary for the child at this age. This subconscious self-affirmation of the teenager - “I beat mother“.

Why you began to smoke
?
from nerves of 20%
for the company of 20%
to spite of 15%
of boredom of 15%
I do not know 29%
of thought that all the same I will die 1%
of your parents smoke?
Yes 25%
Only the father of 50%
Is not present 25%
of What parents told you about harm of smoking?
of Nothing 60%
What to smoke are harmful to 40%
of Where you a beret money for cigarettes? whether I Collect
at friends 20%
Pocket money of 70%
I Ask from parents on cigarettes 10%
of your parents Know what you smoke?
are Known by 50%
do not know 40%
only mother Knows 10%
of If suggested to give you money daily at a rate of the sum equivalent to a pack of cigarettes, but on condition that you would spend them (or saved) on something another, thus having left off smoking, you would agree?
of 99% of respondents were answered “Yes!“ (likely, decided that is the most cunning)
one more fact Is interesting to

- some teenagers perceive a cigarette as part of an image. Not important, from where this image is borrowed - it can be the movie, the music video, the book or even the photo in the magazine. The so-called effect of transfer - from not really morally comfortable teenage reality to the thought-up world works. To resemble the pleasant image - one more way for the teenager “to become better“, having brought closer itself thereby to “ideal“ which teenagers draw in the head.

Sometimes this image - quite real person. And a cigarette at the same time - indispensable attribute, part of an image.

“I began to smoke

quite strange. Mother had a girlfriend Oksana. It was the surprising woman, harmonous, always beautifully dressed. It often came to us on a visit, they with mother drank coffee, and Oksana dragged on a thin cigarette. Oksana always had many admirers - at her mobile never stopped. She told about the numerous campaigns on restaurants, theaters with the gentlemen. I in some degree envied it though I was then only 14 years old. Once, when was at home nobody, I found the cigarettes forgotten by Oksana, took one, sat down on a balcony, closed eyes and dragged on. I began to represent that I same as Oksana that I have many admirers that I am a magnificent woman, but not the schoolgirl 9 - go a class“.

Marin Belyak`s

, 17 years

How to help

we Will return to Maya`s story. One more interesting statement of the girl “we just will understand that we such smoking, and with ease will throw“ actually much more deeply, than can seem. You never reflected why to the child to understand what such smoking? Perhaps, the rigid ban on smoking is the reason. Forbidenness - one more “irritating“ factor which is the reason of smoking of children. Remember how often teenagers do something to spite of adults, breaking their bans. The more to forbid something, the more child wants to make it. In relation to a smoking subject this rule works too, but on more unconscious level. Response of the teenager which, certainly, will be opposite works: there is a wish to try all that is forbidden.

What to do? Not to forbid? Certainly, to forbid, but to express the ban in the form of an explanation, confidential conversation. At teenage age it is quite difficult to child to perceive talk which represents a statement of the theoretical facts on smoking therefore “lecture“ on a medical subject will help hardly. Words that smoking causes chronic bronchitis and atherosclerosis provokes development of lung cancer and coronary heart disease will hold on in the head of the teenager to the first exit to the street. It is necessary to lead discussion in the most usual form as though it is conversation on everyday everyday situations or reasonings, joint with the teenager, on abstract subjects.

Of course, conversation with the child has to be based so that your interlocutor was not afraid of punishment or condemnations with far-reaching conclusions. Begin with clarification of that, your child how many cigarettes in day he smokes how exactly smokes.

If he smokes

(we will not think that it already turned into the thorough smoker), then try to clear his position in this respect. It is necessary to find together with the child smoking minuses (the turned yellow teeth and nails, an unpleasant smell of tobacco from clothes and hair, a smell from a mouth, short wind). Focus attention that it should not be pleasant to the child, but not you. The initiative has to proceed from the teenager.

Inhibit in yourself desire to speak mentor tone. Honestly tell the child what disturbs you, it is problems of his health and appearance, important for both of you. In general, the subject of appearance concerns teenagers very strongly therefore, perhaps, it is that lever which you can press stronger. Only without comparisons! Teenagers do not love when they are compared in general to somebody and furthermore with the non-smoking neigbour or the brother.

to Explain

to the child what harm of smoking consists in, it is possible, at last, from own experience if that is available. On the one hand, your addiction can only push the child to smoking, but with another - can help with some measure. Try to tell the child about consequences of long-term smoking on own example, telling the phrase “at me“, repeating a pronoun “I“. “I am often hurt by the head, I look is more senior than the age-mates, my nails and skin look not as I would like, I choke when I walk upstairs“ - all this works as “bright example“. The child will begin to worry about you, and afterwards and about himself. Admit honestly that made a mistake, having begun to smoke, tell under what circumstances you made it. Sincerely complain that if it was possible to return time back, then you would never begin to smoke because it is so heavy to get rid of this bad habit. Be ready to venomous remarks: “And you? You have no cancer! If it is so dangerous why you do not throw?“ Also prepare answers in advance. As a last resort suggest the child to develop the joint plan and to leave off smoking together. If the child insists that he can throw at any time, ask it to show it. Establish smoking in the apartment (to smoke only on a staircase or on a balcony) or do not allow to smoke houses in general. If you came to the agreement on this question, then demand performance of the obligations by the child. Of course, it will demand rigid implementation of obligations and from you. But maybe, and for you such moment is a chance to leave off smoking, you dreamed of it long ago?

confidential conversations with the child on smoking have other party - often the child does not make contact, does not want to talk on this subject. Its reaction can be very different - from “What difference, I smoke or not! I study well what still it is necessary to you!“ before scandals and hysterics from the teenager. Here parents need to show wisdom and a certain cunning. If the teenager replaces the negative moment - smoking - the fact that he studies well, then, so parents have to recognize the miss. It turns out that in due time they put to the child thought that for them the main thing - his study. If the teenager begins scandal and a hysterics, then for certain it is possible to tell that smoking is its “sore point“, it is a subject which concerns him very strongly. It tries to be closed, but there is a chance that the child actually waits for conversation with parents on smoking. Perhaps, he cannot stop smoking itself or not absolutely understands what it does, and he is tormented by thought that it does something wrong.

Friends and cigarettes

Many children try to smoke

when they are provoked on “poorly“ or their peers suggest to light “for the company“ or children are more senior. The teenager is afraid to lose respect of friends therefore he is ready to come under influence. Fear to be in minority - here that moves the child in such situation. A task of parents to explain to the child that he will deserve bigger respect if he firmly holds the ground. To make the choice for refusal of smoking - it is worthy, it is an indicator of internal freedom of the child, and it just and there is that notorious indicator of a maturity, and very serious! But you should not think that each non-smoking teenager sits and thinks, to begin to smoke as if, and his friends reflect over that, as if to force to smoke him. A certain indifference because their head is stuffed generally by thoughts of itself is peculiar to teenagers, this reason now hardly anyone - that from the company will violently force to smoke other, non-smoking person. The beginning of smoking occurs, as a rule, “by default“, almost mechanically, by itself. It is not ritual, there is no “dedication“ in smokers, and often hitherto non-smoking teenagers so masterly play a role of the heavy smoker before peers that none of the company can remember whether this person smoked earlier or not. It is good when the company of the teenager consists of the people who are not imposing the will and opinion to others. Such children are, there is a lot of them, they appreciate independence and manifestation of the personality in friends so here the choice of the teenager remains for him, and parents are capable to give to the child the correct installations still when the child did not begin to smoke, but, perhaps, already thought of it.

But happens that some children of izkhuligansky motives by means of cigarettes try to humiliate excellent students and athletes, trying to prove the force. In this case the answer of your child to hooligans can be the following: “And it is weak to you to receive “five“ on Russian (to do chin-ups, learn to use the computer program)?“ Think out answers together, discuss. Try to inform the child of thought about the fact that it is necessary to be proud of dissimilarity and ability to make independent decisions.

“My schoolmate Leahy had a sports childhood, it went on competitions all the time, such typical athlete ate porridge in the mornings, generally. Once we were at his place and smoked on a balcony.
About it was learned by his mother, put it and us before herself and suggested to smoke together - who more? We were enough for three cigarettes. But Lech then got, I will not hide. More we practically did not communicate because we smoke or not is our personal record, but not his mothers“.

Yura Veselkin, 17 years

If you found out that your child does not smoke, then almost for certain you will have fears that from - for it he feels uncomfortably in the company of friends. In this case it needs to help - to define together with it its position in relation to friends from the smoking environment. Let it will sound approximately so:“ You smoke, this your personal record, smoking not an occasion to break off friendship therefore I will continue to be on friendly terms with you. But if I do not want to smoke, then you have to respect my desire.

needs to explain

to the child that it is not necessary to say to friends at all that they it is worse than it because smoke. Certainly, it is worse to smoke, than not to smoke, but similar theses performed by children on the relation to each other can cause absolutely unnecessary aggression which will definitely not become additional plus in friendship.

And finally

Poll among the Moscow school students showed that teenagers begin to smoke in of 12 - 13 years, and have more than smoking girls, than boys, and to 14 - 15 20% of teenagers, i.e. every fifth are well familiar to years with a cigarette. Besides, poll showed that most of parents do not discuss a smoking subject with the children. And 40% of parents do not even suspect that their child began to smoke.

Practically each of our children in certain time faces

a problem - to smoke or not to smoke? And it will be much easier for it to make the correct decision if it is prepared by a confidential and straight talk with parents for this moment. The adult understands the risk for the health connected with smoking, but, as a rule, there was already a dependence and to get rid of it very not easy. The child owing to the psychological features is not able to realize, than it threatens him and therefore cannot make a conscious choice: to smoke or not to smoke. And to help it make a right choice only loyal friends and parents can. So if you incidentally came across a pack of cigarettes, you should not panic and think that the problem is not solved. From any situation there is exit.

the Most important - parents have to create the most comfortable situation (moral first of all) to the child at any age that he did not look for ways - and the cigarette one of them - rather it “to worry“. Support and force in a family is a pledge of the fact that your child will not look for a support from the outside.