Carefully: first love!
It, as we know, will unintentionally appear suddenly. And it is obligatory at the wrong time: too early or in the middle of examinations. Also will turn the hater of lessons of literature into the poet, and “botanist“ - into the sloven. Moreover, it is the frequent cause of conflict of fathers and children. But from it you will not get to anywhere - the first love will inevitably overtake each school student. How at the same time to behave to parents?
the First time I fell in love with
Rehearsal of feelings
- having For the first time fallen in love, junior school pupils are not able to show the feelings yet, - the skilled school psychologist Natalya Katsevich in similar stories easily displays everything on shelves.
- Here also turns out somehow clumsily. Are pushed, pull braids, sms silly throw. And not love it still, and so... sympathy. And formed for the unclear reasons for adults: “Why you like Vasya?“ - “It is the highest!“
Sometimes at elementary school children fall in love with the teacher, and not only boys, but also girls. Also explain the feelings so:“ She is kind, never delivered the two to me. She on walk took me by hand“. That is, in effect, treat the teacher as to mother.
to K 5 class at children, as a rule, the self-assessment sharply decreases. And at the same time they begin to pay a lot of attention to the one who, in what puts on. And in general to “image“. Therefore at this age of the reason of love are not less strange, than at kids.
For example, on the question “Why It Is Pleasant?“ it is possible to hear: “It has an abrupt mobile phone!“if the subject of adoration does not reciprocate to
A, the admirer begins it to lift up ruthlessly.
- Once, - Natalya Feliksovna remembers, - we had a case in the 5th class - the girl incited all schoolmates against the boy who rejected it. Here where, really, “from love to hatred one step“!
But needs to be understood: at children`s age the feeling of hatred carries out a guarding, protective role, without allowing the maturing child to get negative experience which can affect all his further life.the Child suffers from
“Let`s remain friends...“
- Svetka got - endlessly clings, lifts up - the sixth-grader Egor complains to mother, coming back from school.
- Means, mother has to explain to Egor that Svetka simply - naprosto fell in love with him, - the educational psychologist Lyudmila Nikolaevna Sitnikova advises. - And to prompt to the son as in this situation it is necessary to behave.
And options of response a little. For example, it is possible not to react to the tease - Svetka and to observe a distance. Sometimes such coldness quickly cools feelings.
A can talk. And without estimates, just establishing the facts: “When you push me sideways all the time, it terribly irritates me. And I would like that you steered clear of me“.
Or:“ I would like that we were friends“.
Main - needs to sound what really you want.
A in general, the first love - piece useful. Children train to build the relations with surrounding people: quarrel, reconciled, learn to accept another such as is.
the Room of the sixth-grader Shurochka is veiled by photos of bottoms - an idol. It already bought up all its disks. And 4000 rubles - to buy the ticket for a concert of an idol were the only desired gift on birthday.
Mother in confusion, the father in rage: “It is necessary to study, but not on fools to pray!“
- Cool down, parents! - the sexologist, the candidate of medical sciences Artem Tolokonnikov calls. - The matter is that the feeling of love develops on stages. And the first of them - love Platonic. That is enthusiasm for image (which bright example this history is). Mothers and fathers have to understand: without this stage development of the normal relations between the man and the woman is impossible further. So encourage Platonic hobbies. Otherwise, without having finished in them, already adult women “get stuck“ at a stage of hobby for image. From here long-term love for married men, etc.
In captivity of passions
the eighth-grader Yulya had a girlfriend Tanya who met Artem. But Yulya liked Artem too. Which liked Yulya once. And now it walks with it. And Tanya shaken by treachery of the girlfriend and darling sobs in a pillow and goes on: “I am unhappy. Nothing is impossible to me. I do not want to live!“
- To us parents whose children suffer from undivided feelings come to reception time, - Alexander Chizhov, the director of the Center of the psychologist - the physician - social support of Department of education of Severo - the Western district of the capital tells. - And each case is individual. So to make the general recommendations for eyes it would be nonprofessional. But one council, perhaps, suits all: it is necessary to explain to the child that the first love - it is not obligatory for the rest of life. And that you should not idealize the beloved. Here only as to explain it? In my opinion, just it is necessary to remember personal experience. And to tell about it to the child. At the same time remember that state in which there was also it now.
the problem of one-way love is a problem of loneliness. Therefore all your child needs now - it is empathy, sympathy. In it “with“ - the main thing. The child has to understand that in a situation, important and difficult for it, you together. Moreover, you understand its feelings - you have a similar experience too. And the fact that you, live and healthy, tell it about it now shows better in total it can be worried.
A in general, the first love - serious check of the relations “parents - children“ on durability. Unfortunately, sometimes fathers and mothers put an end to these relations, boring: “It is necessary to study, but not to fall in love!“ Without having met understanding in a family, the child, who knows, will go to seek it elsewhere. And it is unknown where will find! So, first of all, try to adapt to changes in behavior of the son or the daughter.
“Whom you contacted?!“
On school was run by hearing: the sixth-grader Lenya set fire to an entrance door to the apartment of the main beauty of a class Natashka. And already parents of the girl row in a director`s office. Got from them and Natasha: “Contacted the hooligan!“
- the example of the blocked excitement Is available, - Alexander Chizhov comments. - He fell in love, she did not respond, and the guy passed to aggression. How to settle this situation competently?
Of course, hooliganism has to be punished. In this case parents are responsible for the son. They will pay a penalty, and at the same time will obtain information that it is necessary to treat the child more attentively.you Remember
: the worthy elect - at that who has a high self-assessment.the Child has to be self-assured
, then he will not begin to ego-trip at the expense of people around. So constantly tell the child what he beautiful, clever, witty, strong etc. The most important - to praise with all the heart.to
to you does not like the choice of the daughter or son? Again - refrain from criticism! Try to respect the child as the personality. And, therefore, to respect his opinions and feelings. Especially, the more you protest, the more there will be a desire of your maturing child to make everything on the contrary.
the Adored teacher
- I will not perform your task, I will not receive the answer to a question yet: “What you, such beautiful, do in such as ours, usual school?“
Since the sixth-grader Nikita fell in love with the teacher of informatics, his similar remarks from the place - not a rarity. And still, having remained with it in private, he seriously declares: “I marry you!“ What in such situation to do to the teacher?
- Rescue, - the psychologist Lyudmila Sitnikova is sure. - Only it is not necessary to confuse humour to a sneer! At every turn do not tell about similar “admirers“ of the teacher. If, of course, conform to professional requirements. And only the pedagogical talent allows to wrap up hobby for the teacher in hobby for a subject.Cold heart
Recently the educational psychologist Lyudmila Sitnikova carried out by
at the request of the Health of the School Student magazine poll at one of the Moscow schools. Also found out: approximately every tenth senior never fell in love!
according to psychologists, it is about children who just are afraid to reveal to the world, to take the responsibility for other person. And all this is the certificate of internal problems, clips. As option - we deal with manifestation of a narcissism. Similar individuals, by the way, in the personal plan are difficult persons who are hardly built in society.
Children`s love - one more way of knowledge of the world. That is at first the child sorts on toy details. And later tastes the human relations. And how exactly it at the same time expresses the feelings - first of all depends on parents.
So if tenderness in a family is shown easily and freely, the child, having fallen in love, will conduct also. Otherwise everything will be more difficult: the arising sexuality can go to fear or aggression. So adults eventually are responsible for future private life of children.