Squabbler or victim?
an aggression Problem are particularly acute in the modern world enough, and we, adults, we are not always able to solve the disputes peacefully. And how it occurs at small? And they study, looking at you - parents.
Aggression - normal reaction of any live organism, it is necessary for a survival and achievement of goals. Without aggression we would not build the city, did not make discoveries. Psychologists treat aggression as force with which the person seeks for implementation conceived, and this, certainly, valuable quality. But sometimes aggression comes out from - under control, doing harm to the person and his environment.
two types of problems with aggression occur At kids. If to state it in the simplified option, then “aggressor“ and “victim“ will turn out.
Aggressors are not able to cope with manifestation of the anger, it literally floods them, being splashed out on the family, kindergarten teachers and other children. First of all, it spoils relationship with peers - kids begin to be afraid and avoid the squabbler, and through some time he will feel in isolation. And it, in turn, causes still big aggression and desire to revenge.
Why the child begins to show aggression? For fear to seem weak and dependent. From an inattention from the family and ignoring of desires and needs of the child “you will manage, you will think - he wants“. Not the last role is played also by parental installations:“ wins against the strongest “, “ it is necessary to fight for everything “, “ and you give it in a nose, here it also will lag behind“. It is sometimes really important that the child could stand for himself and showed others that he is not weak. But it is better to show to the kid other strategy and to teach to solve problems peacefully. Only do not forbid it to express the aggression, just suggest to react in a different way, “to exhaust“ in the way, harmless for people around. It will be easier for the child who will learn to build the diplomatic relations with peers in further life.
the Reverse of the medal - so-called “victim“. Laugh at it, tease it, do not want to be on friendly terms with it. “Why?“ - parents think. And anything can become the reason: bad physical shape (consider weak or it cannot hit back), an unfashionable look, bad progress, excess weight. People sympathize with those who are similar to them, and those who differ in something perceive as the stranger. At adult age we are able to hide these feelings behind a mask of politeness, and here children have all on a surface.
the Separate reason for dislike from other children - zanozisty character. The child silent in appearance, having accustomed and having grown bolder, begins to tease all, mentioning their most weak spots. Certainly, such child will be avoided - to whom pleasantly to be exposed to bad sneers? Try to explain to the child that it is offensive for other children to hear obzyvalochka, it will wound them, let the kid learn to show sympathy.
How to help the child who became an outsider among others? Try to understand in what the reason of such situation. Perhaps, with the child everything is all right, he just got to aggressive collective where it is accepted to sort out the relations with use of force, then change of kindergarten will be the decision. If the child is beaten, the adult should interfere - to lead discussion with tutors and parents of aggressors. You do not say to the kid at all that he weak if cannot hit back, - it will negatively influence him and so not too high self-assessment.
What to do if the kid was transferred to other kindergarten, and the situation repeats? Have patience and be engaged with the child. If it has a weak physical training, write down in sports section or cultivate interest in active entertainments: to a skating, bicycle, to dances. Do joint sorties on the nature, in park, study plants and birds - let the kid has new knowledge which will allow to flash later in collective. Arrange a holiday on which your child will be the main thing, and invite his friends - it will be raised by the authority of the child in the opinion of other children.
Sometimes it is necessary not only to encourage the child a parental parting word, but also to help to overcome uneasiness and timidity. And then good support to nervous system will be given by a children`s sedative. At the choice be guided by the principle “do not do much harm“ - medicine should not cause drowsiness and block, thereby, doing the child sluggish and worsening process of receiving new knowledge. The particular interest in this plan is deserved by “children`s Tenoten“ - the sedative developed especially for children. The preparation allows the child to keep activity, improves concentration of attention and ability to training.
I anyway support for the kid the most valuable support and will love what it would not be - bad or good, the excellent student or the poor student, with victories and defeats.