Few years ago, expecting the bus in the warm summer evening, incidentally eavesdropped on conversation. Two girls discussed plans for evening, one suggested to go with children to the beach, and the second refused, motivating with what bothered to drink beer, and then with anyone on bushes to roll. I, of course, was struck with the words “with anyone“, but felt the real shock in a few minutes.
“When conversation on the program for the evening came to an end, one of girls began to reproach the girlfriend why - that stirred up Serege that to it only 13 and now it will not meet it, and she loves it. How so, I thought, “loves“ and “with anyone“, “13“ and “to roll on bushes“?Having turned back
, I looked at little girls: small, thin, not ripened, trousers - T-shirts. Even could come to nobody to mind that they have already such views of relations between the sexes. Yes, sexual revolution in Russia rushes as the engine which lost control, and only mad firemen throw up coal in a fire chamber.
Perhaps, I in vain panic? Earlier all this was! Romeo and Juliette were and before about them Shakespeare, and wrote later. But it was talked of Love, but not of sex “on bushes“ with Tibalt, with Romeo tomorrow today, and the day after tomorrow with “anyone“! And today everything was reduced to beer and bushes! Here that offensively, sex now not a component of love, and in itself. And why? What from the spoiled ecology now at teenagers hormones read off scale?can be
A, all - censorship on TV - it is not so already bad? Then not to try to run behind the left train, trying to lift birth rate and the status of a normal family?
I a question not only in AIDS, venereal diseases and the undesirable pregnancy which is coming to an end, as a rule, with abortion! The question is that the irresponsible relation to sex leads to degeneration psychologically and physiologically normal relations! Young people do not want to build serious, responsible communications. And what for? Swore and “ciao - cocoa“ - we will bring to ourselves the new partner. About 20% of young men want the romantic relations with the girl and love, all others “cool guys sleep with telka“! And girls indulge them in it. Little girls consider that not kissed young ladies are not quoted now that guys love such that they together with them drink, smoke, talk a mat and are free in the sexual relations! And to explain that it not so, is very heavy because from the screen of the TV, the computer monitor, from pages of glossy magazines and yellow rags such hurricane of sexual information rushes that sweeps away all reasonable on the way. That the country went crazy and all have such impression on mind only sex!I watch
Ya at the daughter, it 14, it seems to me that it still the real child, but as it appeared, in this child laps such desire of love that I also could not present. In my time couples only the very few met, love there were, of course, notes, views who whom invited to dance … But in 14 to long what you have no guy?
When after an unmotivated hysterics I achieved informal conversation, it turned out that “all, at all, even at Natashka have a guy!“ And after that we spoke hour three, and the daughter calmed fell asleep, and I promayalas even at half of the night in thoughts and still this subject haunt me. “should not frighten by
of the Word “I Have No Guy!“ parents and tutors as do not speak neither about dissoluteness, nor about spiritual poverty at all! To be “with the guy / girl“ - means to be recognized in new quality (young man / girl) and still to receive from “another“ the message:“ You good / good“. The teenager sees in “another“ the reflection and goes to the integrity and self-acceptance.
by results of I. S. Kohn`s research, it is possible to claim that the age of sexual initiation decreased. Like “ancestors“, the Moscow and St. Petersburg teenagers began to look after and appoint meetings long before completion of puberty: about a half does them it, without having reached 12 years yet. By 16 years of awe of lonely meetings did not test only one of five. However more or less steady couples arise much later. By the time of poll even in group 16 - 17 - yet had no summer over a half of constant couple. In general courting, love and sexual proximity - things absolutely different. So was earlier.
the Factors accelerating a sexual debut:
- discrepancy of a hormonal profile of an emotional and social maturity creates powerful tension. Without having constrained this tension, the teenager passes to a sexual stage, without having finished erotic;
- existence in a psychological portrait of such lines as demonstrativeness, suggestibility, a capriciousness, high claims, orientation in the manifestations outside, on other people, a pliability, existence of thirst for entertainments and idle pastime;
- life in the large cities: big information streams, a variety of social life, high rate of life, closeness of citizens, individualism significantly undermine patriarchal norms in comparison with the small cities and act as the accelerating factors.;
- dependence of the teenager on group of peers: in this case the crucial role is played by norms of group to which the teenager seeks to correspond not to be isolated;
- tendency of the teenager to risk: as the sexual subject is perceived adult as forbidden, the ego-tripping teenagers enter the sexual relations more often - those which are inclined to deviant behavior (alcohol intake, drugs, commission of illegal actions);
- low sexual good breeding: many teenagers consider admissible to have sexual relationships under pressure, young men consider that normally and it is necessary “to break resistance“, and girls - “to prove“ the love, stepping on the requirements. In a basis - inability to talk on sexual subjects, a low level of credibility (“just sex - nothing personal“);
- lack of the friendly relations with an opposite sex interferes with full accommodation of a stage when the intimate component of communication, the romantic relations is formed;
- family trouble: the teenager looks for love and understanding which he does not receive in a family. Such teenager strives actually for heat, feeling of safety, and the sexual relations - only means to achieve it.
In formation of sexuality are consistently formed by
Sensual pleasure and psychological intimacy - two main sexual values which in early youth are seldom combined.
I. S. Kohn
What to do?
Emergence of public sexual discussion, as well as weakening of external control over sexuality, promotes further behavioural shifts. It is especially visually visible on the example of youth subculture. Today`s Russian teenagers not just made secret obvious, but also considerably accelerated earlier outlined processes with all their positive and negative sides.
In the created conditions the crucial role is played by sexual education and education of teenagers which more than concealment, promote formation of responsibility in intimate relations. In it the biggest problem.
a huge role in sexual education and education of teenagers is played Today by the Internet with all its merits and demerits. The huge number of low-quality information “garbage“ and a pornography falls down the teenager along with valuable and reliable material. The main problems which proceed from information such, - often low reliability and false stereotypes. The pornography does not consider intimately - a personal component of the sexual relations. From - for age features and it is so difficult for teenager to unite in itself sensual erotic and emotionally - intimate speak rapidly, and the pornography interferes with this integration.
of the Consequence? Disappointments: tried as at cinema, and pleasure and happiness of reciprocity did not test.
What sources are reliable from the point of view of teenagers? Books, parents, experts (doctors, sexologists).
the Internet and stories of friends - the most available information, but also teenagers it is low estimate their reliability. Only adults whose opinion teenagers appreciate, are not ready to carry on with them honest conversation on sex at all. Books are slowly forced out by the Internet therefore, perhaps, creation the Internet - portals, forums, virtual consultations which are conducted by professionals will help.on
What requirements are imposed to adults by a subject of sexual education? Intelligence, knowledge of sexology, teenage and youthful psychology, ability to talk on intimate subjects, the high level of tolerance and an internal maturity of adults.
What is represented today by sexual morals?the Sexual morals are reduced by
to two principles: safe sex and responsible sex at which there is partnership, interdependence, lack of coercion. It is probable when adults feel carriers of such qualities to then help teenagers will enter adulthood from its integral sexual component more simply.
On separate age groups among not reached 14 years are sexually tempted with 2%, among 14 - 15 - summer - 13%, among 16 - 17 - summer - 36%.
Several recommendations to parents:
- Remember yourself at teenage age how you obtained information what myths faced? How parents in relation to you when you were teenagers behaved? How they educated you? Estimate that from their pedagogical actions was for you then suitable and pertinent and that - no.
- Before discussing a delicate subject of the sexual relations and puberty, realize what feeling is for you the leader:
- if is shame and confusion - stop: in this case you will broadcast to the teenager the message “a sexual subject - bad, shameful“
- if it is alarm, concern - the message sounds so:“ there is a lot of danger and to me too“, you see, that you should not begin conversation with such messages. Then it is better to offer good literature and the qualitative websites.
- your sincere interest in the subject “Sex and Teenagers“ - the good basis for conversation. Answer yourself questions: what do I want to discuss with the teenager? What for me the most important in this conversation?
Why I do it? If motive - protection and support, then act.
It is important: the manipulation the teenager, his consciousness should not be your motive, you have to inspire nothing in it, otherwise conversation will turn into formality in which everyone pretended that he communicated. Have to be your motives desire to give psychological support and informing.
- Absolutely improper beginning for conversation with the teenager on a sexual subject is the parent`s question: “You know from where children undertake?“
But reminiscence from the teenage age and the story about own difficulties connected with the relations with peers of an opposite sex - quite pertinent beginning. Everyone has some stories from this age which then made strong impression on you.
- the Successful occasion will be the movie or the reporting on an event, the connected with teenagers in general and sexual education in particular who interested you and touched, and the opinion of your son or daughter is really interesting to you.
It is important: your stories, questions, answers are not the purpose, this means. Your activity in dialogue should not be more, than at the teenager.
What postulates all - can sound as an axiom from the parent?
- the Sexual relations are a part of the life of the person.
- of People itself makes the decision on readiness to enter the sexual relations.
- the Responsible attitude to both the partner and lack of coercion - basic installations. by
- Love - what does not demand proofs is taken on trust and given by gift.
- You can not be ready to the sexual relations, even feeling a sexual attraction. Is not present
- to a violence justification.
- the Sexual relations should not occur under pressure and coercion. You have the right to tell “no“.
- You have the right for protection and support in any situation when you feel confusion, fear, alarm.
of 4 - 6 years: formation of sexual identification, that is understanding of belonging of the individual to the defined sex. It consists of ideas of the person of as far as he is similar to people of the floor and whom would like to resemble. At initial stages of development the child connects a sex with external attributes of a floor, and also with style of behavior. Having created figurative idea of the sex, the child begins to acquire gender roles.
of 6 - 10 years: formation of a stereotype of the polorolevy behavior and public expression of gender identity corresponding to the standards accepted in society and providing to the individual belonging to the defined sex in the opinion of people around. This stage proceeds all prepubertatny period. Skills and style of polorolevy behavior are formed in games and life. The maintenance of a stage is realized, first of all, through sex education in a family - the correct behavior and cast of mother and father. It in many respects defines formation of the corresponding gender role at the growing-up child. Parents are perceived as model of courage and feminity, as an example of relationship of floors.
of 10 - 16 years: formation of psychosexual orientations. It is the orientation of sexual desire defining the choice of the sexual partner and feature of sexual behavior. Children reach this level by the beginning of puberty. Participate in formation as a hormonal background, genes, instincts, and an appropriate level of a mental and social maturity (especially morals), sexual education. Influence of the surrounding sociocultural environment is extremely important. In the childhood and further at teenage age there is a process of assimilation of norms, views and features of behavior which are adopted from people around in concrete time and in the specific historian - a cultural situation.
passes This stage in three stages:
- development of a Platonic inclination - when on a phase of a practical reinforcement the teenager has to learn communication alone, decide to write a note, to make a declaration of love.
To end of a stage purely boyish and maiden companies break up, interest in joint pastime and communication in couples appears.
- . There is a need for caress and corporal contact. Teenagers learn to feel the beloved, study own reactions. Interest in a sensuality, search of analogs of the experiences in books and movies wakens. At schools there can be love epidemics when teenagers absolutely lose interest in study. At this stage even at corporal communication teenagers do not enter intimacy. The sexual behavior is shown in teenage masturbation which can be followed by erotic imaginations and a petting. An important form of corporal contact are dances. Teenagers quite often go having embraced and kiss. Often it occurs publicly. If teenagers began regular sex life, interest in public embraces usually passes. It is the stage which is already passed for them.
- development of a sexual inclination - when the desire of intimacy becomes distinct, there are sexual imaginations. At behavior of the teenager at this stage there can be a masturbation, replacement of sexual requirements, sublimation (that is transformation of sexual tension to socially approved behavior forms), actually intimacy.