Rus Articles Journal

About a gray zone, childbirth and a flower of love...

Today exactly 9 months as I became a mother. 9 months of absolute, incomparable happiness! 9 months waiting for a miracle... No, I waited for it all the life, dreamed and saw in the pink dreams - my sonny. All my life was accurately divided into 2 parts: till the child`s birth. If it is honest, then I do not represent any more how I lived without it earlier...

“You simply not that ate

!“ - the all-knowing gynecologist summarized, examining me. “How? I have a delay of 5 days, I feel sick, and the stomach pulls“, - I am indignant and I shake before her nose the test with two strips. The doctor did not believe me, sent me back home, grumbling:“ Well and the youth went, trust any tests“. Told to come through 2 - 3 weeks - there, speaks, and we will look. Of course, I did not come to the put time: work absorbed me with the head and to think out excuses to the administration that supposedly it is necessary urgently to tooth, I could not any more - already used it once!

decided to go to paid clinic After a while and to take a blood test on pregnancy. “You have “a gray zone“, that is you are unclear pregnant or not, it is necessary to repeat blood“, - the nurse in registry chilly answered. “How is “unclear“?! So I have 3 months a delay!“ - I am surprised. Why it is necessary to prove everything that I am pregnant? Tests are not trusted, the analysis did not yield results too. Decided to register in ultrasonography and to check. “Your“ gray zone“ - 7,5 cm. 14 weeks. And, seemingly, it is the boy. Here, look!“ - the doctor deployed to me the monitor screen. I was ready to kiss this picture, now I fully realized that actually I carry under heart of the child. The husband was present too at the same time. To tell that it was happy - it is not to tell anything! Nearly jumped with joy. Son!

Pregnancy flew by as one day! During this time I managed to work, tell with great dispatch the management about pregnancy, to listen in reply to regrets about loss of a valuable shot (likely, flattered!) to endure crisis and terrible reductions in department (pregnant women - that under the Code is not touched), to note with colleagues farewell in the decree and to suffer their jaundiced eyes on my tummy. By the way, all little girls in turn held me in hope that “perhaps, it is infectious“, and secretly dreamed to be on my place.

then the most pleasant efforts began

A: arrangement of the nursery, purchase of diapers - baby`s undershirts, carriages - beds, a pregnant photoshoot with the husband, the first pushes of the sonny, talk of future father with a stomach, the round-the-clock and meticulous studying of articles and forums about childbirth, fights, children and other. Hundred times re-read subjects about what to take with itself in maternity hospital, 10 times collected a bag, glued on each bag stickers with information where to take this bag, prepared so as if already tomorrow to go to maternity hospital.

of PDR came nearer inevitably! But I put a plus-minus 2 weeks, remembering that at many childbirth began both in 38, and in 42 weeks. So especially did not worry. By the way, in day of my estimated childbirth in Yekaterinburg the grandiose event - the summit SOC (Shanghai Organization of Cooperation) was planned. And we with the husband for fun tenderly called the sonny “Shosiky“. But SCO Olegovich did not want to leave in the time appointed by doctors!

everything Began

on June 19! This day - oh, horror! - my husband defended the thesis in higher education institution. The benefit that fights began in the morning, and protection was appointed to the second half of day. We decided to argue with the husband that will be in the beginning: son or diploma? I firmly declared that we need the diplomaed father therefore - at first a treasured blue crust, and we will wait. Actually, and left!

Here I in patrimonial chamber. Morning was given surprisingly warm and clear. All room was filled in with beams of the morning sun. Birds sang, and the poplar down was slowly turned on asphalt in some, clear only to it, dance... “We will meet you soon!“ - I whispered to the tummy, feeling in reply easy sleepy potyagushka. Having departed from a window, I felt that I do not represent myself in chamber with the child. I do not even know how to explain it. I sometimes have such situations when I can accurately depict a situation which will happen in the future, to present people and to describe their actions. And here I felt that I have to be not here and not now. The doctor who came to puncture to me a bubble (from - for abundance of water of fight were weak therefore decided to accelerate process) broke my loneliness. Also began: the amplifying fights, KTG, infinite surveys, bad disclosure, a “malicious“ dropper with oxytocin from which it was necessary to shout - so were strong contractions. On my shouts compassionate girls - nurses and as they could resorted, encouraged: “It will be even more sick further!“ Thanks for support! “You do not know how to me it is painful! - I groaned. - You - that gave birth?!“ “It is necessary to me“, - one of them modestly showed on the rounded tummy.

So there passed 10 hours tormently, groans and tears. Listened as little girls in the next chambers one by one give birth as their children shout - it was above my forces! I already regretted that I in general was going to give birth, but then regretted about how I in general could think so, my child in the same place. It is necessary to try for the sake of it it was born! “Let`s begin already, a pozha - and - an aluysta!“ - I asked the doctor.

Further I badly realized

that occurs. Caught scraps of phrases: large fruit, narrow basin, shortage of oxygen, emergency operation... While I was carried on a wheelchair to the operating room, I roared as small. I was sorry for myself that could not give rise itself and feel what it, called herself defective, defective. It was a pity for the child to whom and it is so bad without oxygen. It was a pity that inattentively read articles about Caesarian when was a pregnant woman, thought, will manage, it was sure that I will give rise...


In a few minutes to me made epiduralny anesthesia: legs zanemet and, about a miracle, fights it vanished as if by magic - such simplification came. It was terrible? No. I could not wait any more when, at last, I see the sonny. And here I feel - cut, get the child. Pains any are - that and threw me in shock, did not go in that I see own operation. And then time - and feeling of ease and emptiness in a stomach.

“Boy!“ - doctors reported, and I heard almost inaudible grunting of my Danilki. Why he does not shout? I worried. But as learned later, it was placed in an incubator at once - a hypoxia and 3 points on a scale Apgar. It lay in several meters from me. I with greed remembered all its lines - is similar to the father! - was afraid, suddenly will change the child (nonsenses everyones in the head climbed). Could see it only next day when I departed from operation and could crawl to an intensive care unit of newborns independently. From all small glass lodges I found ““ at once. My kid in wires and droppers - such small, defenseless, absolutely alone lay. And here that is called rolled... Pity alternately with boundless love and happiness.

Two days fed it from the syringe with the decanted colostrum, dreamed of that time when I am able to apply it to a breast. Ran along corridors as the wounded she-wolf, and could not find to herself the place. And at night, lying in postnatal chamber with the shouting neighbour`s children, closed ears and roared in a pillow from the fact that my child not with me. And why to me the destiny is so not fair? In tears awoke the husband with phone call and listened in reply to the calming words of love. “Stop to roar: milk will not be, - the skilled neigbour - the mummy with an experience ordered me - Tomorrow you will take away the baby!“

When I it carried

along a corridor in a lyalichny wheelchair - I did not go, I flew. Away from aunts with syringes, droppers and the terrifying glass incubators! My God, at last, I could press Danilka to myself, feed with a breast which was already broken off from the arrived milk, to feel its smell and to hear as his heart fights. “Thanks for the son!“ - I read lips the husband who stood, having clung to a window of our payment with silly - a happy look. Fortunately, we were on 1 floor of maternity hospital therefore all could see my kid: the husband, my parents and crowd of girlfriends who came to be glad and at the same time to envy my happiness.

At birthday of our son of the house the spathiphyllum blossomed - “a love flower“, so call it in the people. Speak, it blossoms only where there lives the love. Since then white flowers already several times pleased us though has to blossom all 1 - 2 time in a year.


of Already 9 months from the date of childbirth. Exactly 9 months as I became a mother. 9 months absolute, with anything incomparable happiness! Of course, all unpleasant moments were already forgotten, and negative emotions remained only on paper. About operation I try not to remember: what was, was. But, if it is honest, still I did not get rid of sense of guilt before the child. Likely, it will pass over time. After I read to a story about women with 3 - 4 Caesarian, who are not sorry at all and are even happy, I understood, the main thing that my baby is live, healthy and I too, is by the way, live and healthy...

Now in my forces to grow up one more the most favourite, dearest and a long-awaited “flower of love“ to which I gave life...