Teach the child to lose
One of the most valuable presents which which you can make to the child are to teach him to lose adequately.
Teachers of tennis club where was engaged in
What conclusions can draw from these two stories? In the first case parents helped Petya to understand that tennis is not only pleasant pastime, but also a lot of work. And if you want to be engaged seriously and to achieve results, then and it is necessary to treat trainings as to work, but not as to game. In the second case parents made light of fits of anger, considering that this will pass when the boy matures. Perhaps, so it will also be. But the regret about friends who were lost and about time spent for nothing can remain even at mature age. > It is quite easy for p to realize
that to ignore angry flashes of the child or to indulge it - not the most correct approach. It is much more difficult to decide what should be done. Any adult understands that it is impossible to enjoy really success if you are not able to work with the defeats. There is a classical example. When the physicist Thomas Edison told about creation of an electric bulb, he spoke approximately so:“ I had to make more than 700 experiences, but I do not consider that I 700 times was mistaken. I 700 times with success proved that these ways do not work“. >
But one business - it is reasonable for p to believe as if it everything that does not kill us, does us stronger. And absolutely another - is quiet to belong to failures from which your own child suffers. Which of parents will be able to keep calm when the son receives the two at examination for which he honestly prepared? Or it is reasonable to treat tears of the daughter who cannot find any peace from one-way love? Yes, we understand that all this the nonsense, and in the future will only help children to avoid much more serious disappointments. Whether but many of us at the same time will be able to avoid a temptation to embrace the kid and to hotly assure that not he, but someone another is guilty of all his sorrows and grieves?
Turns out, on the one hand, we want that the child learned to treat structurally the failures, analyzed the reasons which led to defeat, and would try not to repeat the same mistakes next time. With another, - we are ready for any tricks if only to relieve children of disappointments. Attack approach can do more harm, than advantage.
Modern parents try to create feeling of confidence in the forces and opportunities at the child. And for the sake of it many try to shift fault for misses from children to someone else. After the lost football match of the child console in the fact that judges were unfair though it is much more reasonable to tell:“ It seems to me, you were absent-minded and from - for it played not really well“. The task of parents is not in saving the child from any trouble, and in teaching him to cope with a difficult situation.Cannot enjoy
on the constructive relation of children to failures, the it is more than chances that you will succeed.Psychologists now even more often tell
about two main types of the relation to the world. The first type is called “fixed“, at the same time the person perceives himself and the abilities as something invariable. People with such outlook are more often than others face need again and again to prove to themselves and people around that they are worthy all respect. People with “mobile“ outlook, on the contrary, consider that they and their opportunities can change and develop depending on a situation and the got experience. They it is easier than others adapt to new living conditions.
the Outlook of the child in many respects depends on parents, and it means that in our forces to affect how it will treat the victories and defeats. Having faced failure, the child with the “fixed“ outlook can break, and can be repaid in all possible ways. Such children or very much worry from - about defeats, or completely ignores it, pretending that nothing happened. Children with a “mobile“ view of events, on the contrary, will try to overcome difficulties next time to show the best results. Of course, they are upset too, facing refusal or defeat, but after certain time can correctly estimate that happened actually and that needs to be undertaken to change a situation.
to help the child to create a “mobile“ view of the world and to teach him to learn lessons from defeats, and then and to turn them into the real victories, listen to councils of psychologists.you Praise
- for what is praiseworthy. Regardless of with what assessment the school student comes home, concentrate not on a mark, and on what the child learned that it was interesting to him, and on where this knowledge can be useful. Children whom parents praise not for the five, and for ability to reflect and offer non-standard solutions, are not afraid of difficult tasks. On the contrary, the task is more difficult, the it is more interesting to carry out it. How to be if the child did a great job and all - received the two? Surely you praise it for diligence, for those efforts which he made. But do not try to shift fault to the unfair teacher. It is necessary to tell approximately following:“ I know that you really tried, you well done! But, seemingly, you not absolutely understood this subject. Let`s think how here to understand“.
of the Teacher at school most often demand from children of good marks, but if the child undertook a difficult and interesting task which was beyond the power, he is all the same worthy respect. Very much can be that it is worthy it even more those who were limited to standard approaches and received the deserved fours and the five. You believe that ability not to be afraid of difficulties and non-standard to think more important than a good mark for control on algebra? If yes, let your child knows that about it.
- Talk to the child about what is success and defeat. How to explain to the child that a victory in competitions or a good mark - not the only criteria of success? Try to inform children that process of preparation is worthy respect, and not just result. Strangely enough, the less child worries from - for results, the better they appear. Only in this case the school student can concentrate on what he does at the moment and to fully show the knowledge. Tell so:“ For me the real success is when you really try and do something with all the heart and with pleasure“. You for certain had situations when you could overcome difficulties with advantage for yourself. Tell about them to children.
- do not embellish the facts. All people sometime * lose - from this rule there are no exceptions. Someone is not admitted to ballet school, someone takes off from competitions after the first match, someone does not come to a gymnasium. It is life! But surely it is worth saying about what happened. Do not assure the child that everything is fine. But also do not pretend as if nothing occurred. Silence forms at the child belief that there was something so awful that it is impossible even to speak about it. Such approach would be the most constructive: “Well, we did not pass examination. How we will prepare next time?“
- Refuse your own ambitions. Sometimes the fact that it seems to parents defeat of the child. Actually only treads on their own corns.
is life of your child, but not yours.
“Last year the on-stage performance group in which my daughter is engaged went to tours on area. They made dancing numbers, - mother
do not confuse your own children`s desires what is wanted by your children. If you are upset from - for failures more, than the child, turns out that it is your problem and it is necessary to solve it to you. Do not stop to remind yourself that it is life of your child, but not yours. And first of all his desires and aspirations are important.Be quiet
, and the child will calm down too. Children often suit hysterics from - for failures and defeats because cannot invest the emotions with words, and tears and shouts are the only way to express feelings. For four - five-year-old children it is quite normal, and here
How to be if the child shouts in all throat, and people around look at you with regret? In - the first, take away the child aside. You speak quietly, regret it and sympathize. Tell:“ I understand that for you it is offensive“. Embrace, stroke on the head. Your first task - to calm the child, and then it is possible to talk to him about what happened.
Most often children or long enough cry and worry, or retire into oneself, trying to look adults. And here it is the best of all to accompany the child. Ask, than he would like to be engaged what he wants to talk about. Do not react too violently, let know that nothing terrible occurred.
I, at last, most important council. Every day let know to children that you love them - regardless of their estimates or sporting achievements. You love them just because they are, but not because they do something well.
If the child understands that parents will not love it less if he receives the two, estimates will never be for it the tragedy.