Rus Articles Journal

Difficult emotions - how to worry?

my reasonings - for those who perceive life mostly emotionally. If you - are emotionally stable, and you reasons of rationality and expediency of the manifestations almost always direct - I think, to you what I will write, will seem at least strange...

Life - it is always different... On emotionally - mobile people to which I and first of all carry myself, impressions of participation in various events and contacts with Others first of all pass through filters of sensual feelings, influencing our emotional states. Emotions - our first response to interaction with the environment. We cry - we laugh - we rejoice - we are upset - we test still a heap of any states. And so - every day.

When we constantly stay in this emotional “copper“, it turns out that almost all our internal states depend on that and those who surround us. Yes, it is impossible to become absolutely independent of the environment - by definition. But we precisely have opportunities to be more themselves, than a world mirror. Which only reflects what occurs outside. And that so... often “crooked“ reflects, refracting many reactions through stratifications of the previous experience. Issuing the “learned“ and often “protective“ emotional answers which once in similar situations helped out...

Where a possible root of our bigger independence - and, therefore, abilities to steadier self-determination in the most different calls of reality?

the Mentality of the person - is mosaic

. In us the whole company of any different characters lives together - read either roles, or parts from which we - depending on the current situation - got used to react to what happens to us anyway. I very much like a metaphor that the person is a house. At everyone - constructed first of all on the project of primary, parental family, and completed - remade by us - already adult. At someone the close dugout disguised from strangers, at someone - a high-rise building with a heap of any different people often badly familiar with each other. And all these residents - an essence our different manifestations. Reactions to an environment. Ways of contact with Others.

It is good when in this house mostly it is pure and cozy. Each resident keeps at a distance. Eternal rowdies and constantly gloomy crybabies or absolutely not, or all of them - are able so... to calm down quickly. And if in our house there is a Managing director for whom in this house all are familiar which is capable to watch order and though somehow to control manifestations of our characters which has possibilities of that - to calm, they are to encourage, and to it is “to put by sight“ - consider, life was successful.

the Managing director is our deep part. Which depends on immediacy of life a little. Someone can call it Soul, someone - Egoism. Psychoanalysts call it the observing part of the Ego. Followers of Bern - Adult part of the personality. Which “centers“ our mentality, gives it stability in accommodation of uncertainty and protects us from disintegration and chaos. And our roles - characters - ways of perception and reaction is by means of what our Egoism learns itself and the Universe.

Can live all life in ignorance that it in you exists. But sometimes - at the rare moments of silence - it is possible to adjoin to it. When you retire and you will give yourself the chance just to be. As to sea inflow, as to noise of wind in the wood.

for this purpose should make by

very simple things. To ensure loneliness - at least for half an hour, to settle down comfortably so that the body felt heat and support of what it leans now on and to watch quietly the breath - thoughts - traces of emotions... As though you in front of the screen on which any different plots where you - one of the main characters are developed. Such attentive, but slightly detached contemplation - a good way to realize gradually the internal characters. Which mostly are shown in us unconsciously, impoverishing the fixed reactions our opportunities of contact with themselves and with the world. Just try to observe. Through equal, quiet breath and safe relaxation of a body slightly to slow down circulation of the thoughts. To hear - to see - to feel what emotion now what part of your mentality does active. And what - shuts a mouth. And as far as such emotional reaction really corresponds to by what it is caused in your reality “here and now“. Or this emotion - thought - feeling - only habitual “guard“ insuring you against a meeting with something new in your life.

When we have a happy period in life - we are in love, or we have a new interesting work, or still something, it is joyful us exciting, we with all the pleasure are ready to be given to these positive emotions entirely. We at such moments absolutely do not care that everything that now so excites us - only outer side of our life. We are ready to open the borders and with pleasure we appropriate these tasty events and these remarkable people who give us so much any tasty...

But as the source of our pleasure - outside, at us is definitely not present sufficient resources to control it so that it smoothly supplied us only with a positive. Any other any minute can tell the word - to make business which will quite really afflict us. Yes, and still - euphoric states take too much our energy that we could stay without the subsequent exhaustion in it eternally... Let`s look what can happen to us when “the first cloud“ on our “iridescent“ sky runs. For example, our love ended with parting. You remained with very opposite and burdensome feeling that you were thrown. Betrayed your feelings. “Tears apart“ you from the most inconsistent moods: that you want to run behind it and to do everything that to return it, you want “to tear“ it to pieces, to make his life without you hell. You want to become an ice block which all the same... And in these cases you with the same heat and heat are given to these burdensome emotions entirely. Life practically stops, everything is focused around a kernel of your experiences.

from this, of course, is always removed by time. Intensively it is very long impossible to suffer as well as to rejoice intensively. Over time all also always calms down. But time “washes away“ pain. Just “zatuplyat“ it. And here “run on a rake“ - in other words hit again and again in similar passions - as with it to be?

I Think that here development of the Egoism - the observing part very much can be useful.

When we are captured by something entirely - we are dissolved only in one - from many to us quite available - opportunities to perceive reality. And we lose touch with the depth. With the Managing director of the house of the soul. I want here that to offer you - instead of cherishing the pain, either anger, or despair, or traces of children`s injuries, try in the way designated above it is simple to meet the ability from the participant of the today`s tragedy though for a while to pass into the observer. For a start get accustomed - listen to yourself - what your part is involved in the situation injuring you now most of all. It can be your internal child whom any form of situational rejection immerses in sharp despair of abandonment. Or it can be your young female part which often wounded at teenage age. Or it can be that you which as air needs recognition.

When you try to do such work - you are precisely exempted from totality of the experience. And then it is possible to tell himself, for example:“ Yes, my little girl now drowned in tears - to her it is painful - is empty - alone and terribly. But this girl - only small part me - today`s. And I have quite adults supporting me now areas of my life experience. On which I can lean to console myself - small“.

In actions for rescue from difficult emotions I want to warn you against immediate transition to any different actions. When our feelings force us to suffer - their good way “begin to fuss“, placing energy of experience in any ways of self-switching. Yes, of course, if you feel internal emptiness from parting with darling - it is possible to try on - fast to fill it with someone Another. But, if you are still filled with the maintenance of the relations with the one who left - you in new contact instead of really trying to construct it, will try very much “to catch up - to agree - to finish“ the previous relations. And this new man, most likely, will get to transfer of your perception - fears - all “nezavershenka“ of your past.

Yes, it is a right way to that on a result to come to not very comforting conclusion on type: “All men - identical!“ And still: “I am a poor crumb!“

my offer - to live the sorrows. Having limited their perception to some one part. But to allow it to have a good cry - to otgorevat. Supporting her by other parties of the Personality. First of all participation of the Adult Observer.

At each grief - the depth. But the bottom is always. Also it is possible to flounder long and tiresomely, trying “to jump out“ of experience, and it is possible just to accept the for today grieving part. To give it the chance to plunge into grief that then, having made a start from a bottom, to go up, to new feelings of life. I know from the experience - such way - the best for an exit from a grief. Because it helps to finish the injuring situation. And - on a result - to draw quite encouraging conclusions how further to cope with life in all its variety.