How to talk to children about financial problems of a family?
Very often parents try to hide from children the true situation in a family: someone is seriously sick, mother with the father are going to get divorced, one or both parents lost work, the kid has to be born (well, it is that it is possible to hide only for the time being).
Such impression that, having become adults, people forget at all how they were children. As all of them saw, all noticed unless they sometimes did not understand how to call what was seen.“Children and servants see
and know everything“, - Agatha Christie wrote, apparently. It is an honest truth, it is impossible to hide the eyes which swelled from tears from the children, to think out all new and new explanations where there left mother (and mother is in hospital), to dodge and lie if you were discharged from office. For some reason it is considered that thus parents protect gentle children`s mentality from shocks. Actually they do much more serious harm because children see everything, and without distinct explanations of parents think out the, up to the most terrible.Crisis struck
their family much more painfully, than it was possible to present. The head of the family, the person elderly already, enclosed all family savings, including money from sale of the apartment, in stocks of the largest state company at peak of their cost. It is natural when panic in the markets burst, he lost everything. In a family three minor children (not babies, school students) and mother who left work nearly 20 years ago. Now over them threat of eviction from the house because there is nothing to pay on a mortgage loan hangs. But for some reason they decided to tell nothing to children. Pretend that nothing occurred though mother is hurt by heart, they are nightly locked with the father in kitchen and try to think up how to escape from full breakdown. It is possible to think up nothing therefore they begin to quarrel and accuse each other of all mortal sins.
What it is necessary to do to children in this situation when nobody is going to explain them anything? Younger,
for the average girl of an eye on what occurs: “Yes you will be moved soon, you will live in an odnukha, and mother will go to a supermarket the cashier!“ Lera did not sleep all night long, cried, then she felt sick, but parents were forced to explain what occurs. Strangely enough, she calmed down at once, began to think out different ways to improve things, found to herself a side job - the nurse. Hysterics stopped too.to Children unpleasant and even terrible news when it proceeds from those to whom they trust is easier to transfer
. And with whom it is possible to divide the experiences about it, to cry, tell how to it it is terrible, to hear from parents:“ Be not afraid, we together, everything will be adjusted“. It concerns any changes in a family: parents, do not leave children alone with their fears and imaginations. (And the adult too) are at a difficult moment necessary to most of all children information (in that volume which they are able to master) and support.As can tell
to children that, for example, parents - one or they are lost work and perhaps the family should leave the house? Some very simple words, but it is quiet. The child has to feel that you control a situation that you “have a plan“ that the Chaos and Horror will not rush into your life. But to transfer this message to the child, you have to trust in it.
“Darling, at us with the father of trouble at work, most likely to us it is necessary to move down from this apartment (to change the apartment, to sell giving, the car, to move to other city - necessary to emphasize). To all of us it is a little terrible, and we worry about what will be farther. The father very much worries about all of us, he wants that we were well off and did not need anything. Perhaps, I should come to work / to leave work / to refuse the nurse. (In this place the main thing - not to go too far, painting the future disasters and deprivations. Be not fond, the imagination can far bring you. You know that it is not necessary to beg on the yards most likely.) But all the same you have to know what we together also will try to make so that everything was adjusted as soon as possible. On it some time will leave, half a year - can year“.you Tell
about real things. Call only those negative consequences which are already inevitable. For example, you already precisely know what it is that numbers next month you should release the occupied living space. But there are and just moving? And change of school for some reasons happens too. Sometimes people lose money on a swagger - to major circumstances. Our relation to an event is important, it also is caught supersensitive “radar“ by children.
to us had to take away the senior children from very good private school because the choice was: either the apartment is more, or study in this lyceum. And we so also explained it to them: choose - to live three together in one room or to move to the big apartment, but to pass into other school. (We - that already made the decision, but gave to children the chance to discuss and comment on it. Democracy in operation.) Children worried and agreed that certain rooms it is better. And to be consoled, began to find faults of favourite school. That it was not so offensive. The most surprising that right after our leaving lyceum many excellent teachers left. But it just coincidence.
Most likely, to you it is necessary to sustain a flood of tears and lamentations. News that it is necessary to move to other area, - a great grief for the teenager he will lose friends - schoolmates. Kids will understand nothing at all, and will apprehend only an essence of your message:“ We have problems“. Think together, than it is possible to offset loss. You recognize from what you in one boat, will be heavy everything, but still nobody died of lack of candies. After the first shaft of lamentations subsides, try to find “good news“: we will spend together more time, on a low-calorie diet it is possible to become more harmonous, we, at last, will master home cuisine, if restaurants for us are closed.
the Big mistake is made by those parents who are going to sacrifice themselves if only for children nothing changed. One my friend, the general daughter and the wife of the high-ranking official, when before her the poverty ghost only loomed, was going to arrange from a country house... board for old men - disabled people. And most to look after them. If only the loved children did not learn what is a piece of bread without sausage.Me it seems to
that such measures do to children considerably bigger harm, than real deprivations which they should face. Eventually, everything in this world is relative, and the concepts “poor-rich“ too.
U me two close girlfriends are, both are having many children. At one husband is a highly paid expert, at another - the skilled worker. A difference in the income approximately three times. And so, the expert`s wife all the time complains of lack of money, they constantly live on credit and happens, as half-starving. They have an unpaid credit for the big apartment with fashionable interiors and author`s furniture and one more credit - for the new jeep.
A at the second family - everything is all right, any credits (the apartment, of course, is twice less and repair was done by the hands), a domestic car, to the sea go every year according to the free permit of social security. The eldest son studies in a free gymnasium, girls - twins go to the pool and on drawing. And the most important - the complete content and tranquility of all family members. An award in hundred dollars - an occasion to buy a cake and to celebrate. Never heard from the hostess of this hospitable and warm house the word of the complaint or reproach to the husband.
As, in your opinion, are considered by their children which of them rich and who - poor?