What to do if you faced children`s theft?
When parents find out that their child stole something, shock and denial becomes the first reaction usually:“ Cannot be, our child could not make it“.
And the size of a stolen property does not matter, the chewing gum quietly put in a pocket causes just the same storm of indignation, as well as the drawn grandmother`s hiding place on a funeral. What to do and how it is correct to react to exclude the similar phenomena in the future?
If the small child , and happened everything for the first time, will be rather quiet to explain that a thing others, and others it is impossible to take. Therefore “we now together will go and we will return, we will apologize, maybe, we will pay if it is impossible to return (products, for example)“. Very important at this moment not to intimidate the child. It seems to me that to shame and exclaim pathetic words to three - shestitiletny not absolutely pertinently. At this stage your task - not to humiliate or frighten the juvenile criminal, and to clear up and establish the law. Eventually, almost all children at this age do attempt to appropriate others, precisely “the same as they check pieces of furniture for durability or find out “on how many there will be enough toothpaste tube“. Here also show it rules of your family: “People do not take darling others things without demand, it is not accepted. It would be pleasant to you if someone took your bicycle to himself and did not return. So we will go, we will return everything, we will apologize, and, please, more so do not do“.
Recently I came across Nikolay Nosov`s story “Cucumbers“, remember where Pavlik with children climbed on a collective-farm kitchen garden, dug cucumbers, dragged home (!) and mother told it “bear back“. And as he cried there and said that the grandfather is a watchman it will shoot, and mother spoke “let better I will have no son at all, than there will be a son - the thief“. I well remember that in the childhood this story did not cause in me any special emotions: of course, mother quite so also had to react to unworthy behavior of the son - to refuse it. We were the Soviet children; situations when families for years did not communicate from - for some crazy ideological divergences, were not a rarity.But now this text me shook
. I assume that nothing threatened the boy on the street of the native village. I can assume that mother knew that the gun at the watchman is not loaded. But statement of a question - “go, and you will not execute the debt yet, you me not the son“ - seemed to me terrible. From a context clear that the boy very small, years five - six. Some directly antique passions, the Spartan boy with the eaten-away interiors.
A can hear something similar and today. I found absolutely ugly scene in a supermarket here: mother found candy in a pocket of the four-year-old daughter and arranged just grandiose dismantling with a beating on cheeks, shouts: “Which of you will grow up?!“ and rhetorical addresses to public. The girl hopelessly roared, surrounding buyers hid eyes, the cashier tried to protect the baby. I interfered, temporarily forgot about the criminal and switched to the new subject “do not prevent me to bring up the child“. And it was only necessary: a) to watch the child and b) or to return candy on a rack (archfoes thought up to put these seductive racks near cash desks) or to pay for it.
If to the child is from 7 to 10 years old . Not less problems cause thefts in a family, “from the house“. There is no wish to frighten you, but when the child secretly drags money or values at own parents is a serious symptom of the fact that “something is wrong in the Danish kingdom“. Let`s consider two characteristic cases to see a difference in prerequisites.
History first. The foster daughter
the Girl, 7 years, was thrown by mother at one-year-old age, was brought up at the grandmother on the father`s side, in the village (and there is a wish to write to “deaf“ especially as so it also was. But - political correctness above all). After a while the father married, and the young wife insisted that the child was taken away in a family. Olga (stepmother) received a full set of problems which are familiar to adoptive parents of children from unsuccessful orphanages: lies, steals, aggressive, it is slovenly to almost animal state, ideas of morals are absent at all. Then it turned out that it was kept in a kozlyatnik because “is warmer there“.
Olga made enormous efforts to correct a situation, and in a year was not to recognize the girl: quiet, smiling, learned to read and consider, does not depart from mother, in a garden she will be enough (and wanted to transfer to correctional school, put a delay of intellectual development). One only remained: steals. Drags everything that badly lies, to use to it from this any, except troubles, but cannot stop. The main thing that is unclear - why she money - that steals? One it does not leave the house, walks only with mother, it is impossible to spend them.assumed
Ya that Angela thus fills shortage of love and care with which she had to live the first six years. As the people who endured hunger stock the food, and the girl tried to make to herself “emergency ration“ of safety and comfort. And still - to get something special. As though what parents give can disappear at any time and parents - they are today, and tomorrow not. Once again I will repeat: this behavior is so characteristic of the thrown children that I, having some experience with foster homes, could tell Olga, her daughter how exactly behaves.
the theft Problem at adopted children disappears completely as soon as the child becomes impregnated“ with parental love, will restore the torn-down feeling of safety and trust to world around, will get used to firmness of parental love. It is only necessary to remember it and not to take itself for a ride by heavy reflections “it is transferred or not tendency to theft genetically“. It is not transferred.to
to Angela was very much helped by moving to the new apartment where allocated it its own room with its own case, a set of boxes and a dresser. At first she practically did not leave the room - enjoyed possession. Besides, began to give it on Sundays pocket money which it could save, and could spend (does not spend yet, only puts).
History second. An angel - the mammy and the uncontrollable monster
to Gleb 10 years, it average of three children in a family of the teacher of music and the artist. There are senior and younger sisters, with a difference in two and a half years between children. Gleb is absolutely uncontrollable, it is subject to aggression flashes, the word “is impossible“ for it - only an occasion to make more efforts to receive the desirable. The neuropathology is excluded.
When to it was about four years old, it nearly killed the younger little sister (pushed out it in a window, thank God, managed a trauma, the girl survived), and for some reason this case so frightened parents that they began to talk to the son as with nervnobolny who cannot be concerned. “Glebushka, please, stop!“ - it when he kicks with legs mother. When it set fire to an apartment door, at most, that parents - to deprive it for three days of viewing of the TV were honored to make. Most of all sisters who are forced to suffer also a physical abuse from the brother, and constant damage to the property suffer. They cannot adequately answer, one is too small, and another knows that guilty will appoint it.I try to tell
Ya to parents that the boy needs more rigid framework that their connivance does it much bigger harm, than even him. But mother is sure that good and caress she will be able to change behavior of the son quicker, than direct disciplinary actions.“ He is a sensitive and vulnerable child“, - the father says about the monster who carries the apartment in stuff if to it something is forbidden. It seems to me that the problem is much more serious, than just disobedience.
And so, about theft. When Gleb needs something, he just goes and takes where sees. Once parents tried to refuse to it purchase of the expensive game console. It spent day, turned all house upside down, but found - the money saved by parents on purchase of a car. Went and bought that wanted, and for the rest has properly a good time: cafe, gaming machines, cinema. You think, flogged it, returned a prefix to shop, and it deprived of the TV, at least for a year? Aha, now. Mother led with it educational discussion on “steal-a terrible sin“. >
to me, frankly speaking, it is terrible to p even to think, what will be farther. The boy grows, becomes stronger, too it is more opportunities. Soon already and the father will not be able to cope with him.
In this case theft is a symptom of absence of the parental power and family hierarchy. Parents do not carry out the main function: education of children within moral standards, providing to all children of safe conditions for growth and development. Actually they withdrew and provided to children to solve the problems. Gleb, undoubtedly, will receive the unambiguous message from society: it is impossible to steal, just as it is impossible to offend small and to be rude to seniors. At school or on the street will quickly explain him whose cones in the wood. And then parents should interfere, they will be just induced it to do. But so far...“ You just do not understand, - Gleb`s mother assures. - If with it in an amicable way, it can be absolutely wonderful“. Well, just angel!
Absolutely big child . If the child is more senior than 10 years steals money from the family - it is not simply bad behavior any more, it is trouble with which it is necessary to deal carefully. What options can be?
- Got into an unpleasant situation at school / on the street and it needs money to get out. Anything: extortion, gamblings, blackmail. If it seems to you that he constantly is anxious, upset with something, it became timid, appetite was gone, refuses to walk, rushes as the kite when phone calls - all this can say that your child got to trouble. Most likely, he will apprehend disclosure of shortage of family means with relief (if only at you in the house corporal punishments are not accepted), now you will be able to help it.
- It is rare, but happens: undertook to look after the girl and does not want “to shine“. Usually nevertheless boys ask money from parents, the romantic relations do not arouse that storm indignation any more as earlier. Suddenly aggravated love to purity (and earlier - that by force had to be driven into a shower) and attention to the appearance will be a marker in that case.
- the worst and hard case: to it it became deep to spit on what happens to it on you, on your family. The whole world against it therefore both drugs, and alcohol, and any extreme entertainments can appear. Why? It is not excluded that your family endures serious crisis, and such behavior - its reaction to the events. Though why I speak to “it“ all the time? Girls - teenagers in the same way have a ball when parents get divorced, for example. It is their way to tell parents:“ To me badly, terribly, everything turned over, my world falls in the eyes. I want that you came round and again became those whom have to be: my parents“.
Artyom is the only son of the owner of one of the largest construction companies. To it 16, he is a large thoroughbred blonde. To his parents of about 40. The father is busy with business, mother - the business, at both is sexual partners on the party, they are young, beautiful and rich. Artem was born when they were young and poor, then it was the cheerful and close-knit family, the father was only the graduate student, mother - the student, they went hiking and everywhere dragged the offspring for themselves. But suddenly the father “swam with the current“, grew rich, then they began to quarrel, then absolutely ceased to talk.
Artem studies at private school - board where all is allowed to children. To be insolent to teachers, to smoke in opened, even to steal a salary from the doctor. Though everything opened, responsible was quickly found, but the director summoned the afflicted employee in an office, silently laid out the sum equal to a salary, - and business was closed. When Artyom has some friction at school, the father comes, agrees with the director, something pays “for needs of school“, and again - peace and harmony.
during week-end when Artyom was at home “on a visit“, it got into a grandmother`s hiding place in the sewing machine. Money was enough for purchase of three smart motorcycles, it with friends banished all night long, and at daybreak, having strong drunk, crashed into the fatherly car standing near the house. Was hospitalized with multiple fractures and concussion. If it is not attempt to turn parents the person to each other and to myself - that I understand nothing in teenagers.
All aforesaid belongs both to drugs, and to alcohol. I did not come up yet against a situation when “the good boy from a good family“ suddenly, unexpectedly, began to take out from the house of value and to spend on drink them in a gate. Usually it is preceded by history of long dissonance even if and ignored by family members.
of the Summary. Be attentive. The set of various things, your task - to understand in essence, but to hold up not formally to shame can mean the fact of theft. Do not pass important signs, hints on malfunctions in family system.