As well as why to love the child?
Importance and the importance for your kid of relationship with own mother, the relations in own family in the childhood is well-known. Let`s consider some aspects of this relationship and their possible influence on life and development of the child.the Great influence of a role of mother (family) is well visible to
in research of the tribe of Alor (A. Kardiner).
of the Woman of the tribe, having fed at dawn of the baby, leave him to the mercy of fate or care of the senior children to which it is not interesting at all and who do not feel the slightest love to younger, and all day work in the field. Kids cry and beg mother to take them with itself.does not have
such period in the child`s life when he could enjoy parental care and tenderness wholly. As soon as the child, especially female, grows up, he is forced to help mother seriously.
“... What do we observe at these people? They do not feel affection for parents... Their conscience is very little developed; having been guilty, they feel only fear. Relations between the sexes are disgusting, and all types of human communications... are very seriously broken.
... The tribe of Alor is suspicious, full of mistrust to itself and to the whole world. They alerted, are always ready to repulse and at the same time are coward, are not sure, some threat constantly seems to them... Ability to mutual understanding is developed very little... They I have no idea of what occurs in soul of the interlocutor. If any elements of cooperation are also noted, then it arises only for practical reasons and unreliability differs. Exchanging signs of attention, the parties always strive to deceive the friend.Creativity by it is unfamiliar to
, art is primitive and poor...“
to be too careful mother suffocating the child the love equally badly and incorrectly as well as to be cold or indifferent mother. Probably, each mother should find the golden mean in communication with own kid. But let`s try to understand: who such really good mother? What optimum measure of love and quantity of space between mother and her child?
Most of psychologists consider that access to mother that it gave rise feeling of safety is necessary for the child and there was no feeling of alarm. But it is important that the maternal love did not absorb personal space, did not suppress independence of the child and did not get in the way of its growing. Mother has to have not only desire to be with the kid, but also desire to separate and release it from itself. Physical presence of mother, communication with it, the emotional relation, all this is integrated with growth and development of the child and further influences health and a course of life of your daughters and sons.
“The maternal love is an unconditional statement of life and needs of the child. Most of mothers milk to the children, but only the few give also “honey“, - Fromm E. - Maternal love writes has to inspire in the child love to life, and only happy women can make it. Otherwise, the alarm is transferred to the child and all this strongly influences the identity of the child. The essence of maternal love - to promote growth of the child, to love the growing child, to help it to separate. The women able to love others are capable of it“.Should noticing
that “environment“ of your kid which forms his personality and influences all future is not only mother, but all family in general which will satisfy or not to satisfy mental needs of the child.Mental needs of your child the good domestic surroundings will be best of all to satisfy
. The family gives to the child not only optimum opportunities for formation of his personality, but she also naturally enters it into constantly extending social relations, creates prerequisites for its socialization. The child learns to react to constantly changing social situations. By means of mother and other family members at whom the child finds a support he enters into the new relations, takes certain roles and positions. His confidence as well as the healthy self-confidence following from warm feelings in own family facilitates social adaptation in the childhood and promotes the subsequent growing. Various difficulties arising at the adult in the social sphere are substantially caused by the fact that these people in a childhood lived in the clashing, cold atmosphere or were exposed in a family a miscellaneous, sometimes inconsistent, to education methods.
In the researches U. Bronfenbrenner writes that adverse conditions cannot but affect mental development of the child. He writes about existence of the concept “age segregation“ which characterizes the changes happening in recent years in life of children and the younger generation. The age segregation is shown in inability of young people to find the place in life of society. This fact of isolation of young people received the name of alienation from other people and the real matter in the American psychology. And the American researchers look for roots of this phenomenon in features of a modern family. Bronfenbrenner notes the following important circumstances:most of mothers work with
- (the requirements of professional activity applying not only on working, but also on free time of mothers and fathers, lead to the fact that the child spends time with passive nurses more often, than with parents); at
- the number of divorces, and, therefore, incomplete families and low material level grows;
- of achievement of a civilization (emergence of additional TVs in a family, existence of family rooms and separate bedrooms, special playrooms, etc. leads to further deepening of isolation between generations, an extreme case of such isolation is the “artificial nurse“ device).
Thus, all these circumstances and their consequences are negatively reflected in mental development of the child. Initial symptoms of it are shown in the emotional and motivational sphere: hostility, indifference, irresponsibility and inability to the affairs demanding diligence and persistence. In more hard cases of a consequence are shown as well in deterioration in ability to think, operate with concepts and numbers even at the most elementary level.
I domestic and foreign psychologists, studying features of education in different families, came to a conclusion that formation of personal qualities of children directly depends on style of communication and interaction in their family. Further it would be desirable to give examples of the main styles of parental education and their influence on development of the identity of your child (according to M. Kravtsova).
Authoritative style of education
Communication between children and parents per se does not happen, it is replaced by strict requirements and rules. Parents most often give orders and wait that they in accuracy will be executed, discussion is not allowed.Children in such families are, as a rule, unpretentious, closed, timid, gloomy and irritable
. Girls usually remain passive and dependent throughout teenage and youthful age. Boys can become uncontrollable and aggressive and react extremely violently to the forbidding and punishing environment in which they were raised.
Liberal style of education
Parents almost do not regulate behavior of the child at all, are open for communication with children. Children were given free rain at the insignificant management from parents.Lack of any restrictions results
in disobedience and aggression, children often in public behave inadequately, are inclined to indulge the weaknesses, are impulsive. At favorable combination of circumstances children in such families become active, resolute and creative persons. If connivance is followed by open hostility from parents, nothing keeps the child from giving vent to the most destructive impulses.the Rejecting style of education
the behavior parents show to
the obvious or hidden rejection of the child. For example, when the birth of the child was initially undesirable or if wanted the girl, and the boy was born. The child initially does not meet expectations of parents. Happens that the kid is at first sight desired, show consideration for him, care for him, but he has no sincere contact with parents.
As a rule, in such families children become either aggressive, or hammered, closed, shy, sensitive. Rejection generates feeling of a protest in the child. In character lines of instability, negativism, especially concerning adults are formed.
Indifferent style of education
Parents do not set any restrictions for children, are indifferent to them, are closed for communication. Often they are so shipped in own problems that they just do not have time and forces on education of children.If indifference of parents is combined by
with hostility, the child can show tendency to asocial behavior.
Hyper social style of education
Parents seek to implement pedantically all recommendations about “ideal“ education of the child.Children in similar families are excessively disciplined and executive
. They are forced to suppress constantly the emotions and to constrain desires.
Result of such education.
Egocentric style of education
to the Child, often only, long-awaited, is imposed idea of itself as about the supervaluable person. He becomes an idol and “meaning of life“ of parents. At the same time interests of people around are quite often ignored, sacrificed to the child.
as a result he is not able to understand and take interests of others into account, does not transfer any restrictions, aggressively perceives any barriers. Such child is stirred up, unstable, whimsical.
Authoritative style of education
the Most effective and favorable for development of the harmonious identity of the child. Parents recognize and encourage the growing autonomy of the children. Are open for communication and discussion with children of the established rules of conduct, allow changes of the requirements reasonably.Children in such families are excellently adapted, sure by
of themselves, they developed self-checking and social skills, they well study at school and possess a high self-assessment.Absence or a lack of maternal caress, love very often is
the reason of emergence in the child not only a number of negative, and even just serious mental conditions, beginning with feeling of vulnerability, embitternment, autistic tendencies, a hyperactivity, problems of relationship, but also corporal psychosomatic indispositions, and even death of the child. Whatever were fine conditions in which children - orphans or children who were left by mother are raised, they, growing up, look for mother (real or ideal) - the most expensive, close and native being on light.the Subject of love to the child is wide and many-sided
. We covered with this conversation some aspects of this subject. Each woman who became should solve more specific questions concerning each kid separately or is going to become mother and as to her to love own child, will prompt not only experience and knowledge of a subject of discussion, but also own maternal heart.Most important - always to remember
that your love of children has to be unconditional. The child has to be sure that he is always loved by you irrespective of the fact which he received an assessment at school or what vase incidentally broke. He has to know that you love it just like that, just for the fact that it is! Also do not forget about respect for own daughters and sons! If heat, attention, love and respect reign in your relations, then your child will freely grow and develop!