Dysmorphophobia - painful discontent with the appearance of
On light is not much people who are completely satisfied with the appearance. The majority of us something in itself and does not suit: several extra kilos, nose “kartoshechka“, rather big ears, small growth... Usually we have complex from - for it in youth. And with age gradually we learn to accept ourselves such what we are, and quite to ourselves normally we live with that set of external data which we have. But at some rejection of own reflection in a mirror is so big that fills with itself all thoughts, they are covered by painful obsession the (usually imaginary!) shortcomings which prevents to live normally. The name of this frustration - dysmorphophobia.
the Famous character of “Notre Dame de Paris“ Hugo - the humpbacked bell ringer Quasimodo - strongly endured from - for the appearance. But it, of course, had on that certain bases. Unlike “the humpback outcast with a damnation on a forehead“, having dysmorphophobia, as a rule, - people with quite normal appearance though they are convinced of the return. And if they really have these or those insignificant defects or features - do from this a problem of universal scale. Worrying from - for the of an imaginary physical defect, such person has the most severe stress: for days on end looks in a mirror or on the contrary - in every possible way avoids the reflecting surfaces, being afraid to see there “this awful nose“ or “these piggy eyes“. Dysmorphophobs flatly refuse to be photographed that not “to imprint in centuries this ugliness“. Many become reserved, refuse favorable offers of work, leave study, and even cease to go outside.
the American doctor Catherine Phillips, not the first year working with such patients gives stories of similar sufferers in the researches. One of her patients - the girl - the senior pupil who was forced to throw school from - for what at it is strong “sweats the person“. Other person - the young man - flatly refused a highly paid position, having preferred it outwork for a modest salary. It motivated it so:“ But nobody will see my dreadful constitution, and will laugh over me“. One more ward of doctor Phillips once eight hours in a row cut to herself hair, trying to make a hairdress of “accurater“. Other girl for days on end investigated the person by means of magnifying glass regarding search of vegetation over an upper lip and on a chin, - certainly, time for work and communication it did not have any more.by
In psychological literature described also absolutely young victim of dysmorphophobia - the six-year-old boy convinced that it has too yellow teeth and a thick stomach. “Awful“ (absent actually) shortcomings the child continuously considered these in a mirror. Here and having entered the doctor`s office, the first that he made, - caught own reflection of century. the chromeplated chair detail.
Teenagers in risk group
But are, of course, most strongly concerned how they look, teenagers. At teenage age of people it is especially vulnerable: it often hesitates of the shape, it seems to it that all pay attention to it, as a rule, around it very painfully reacts to “slanting“ views of people around, sneers and attempts of its comparison with age-mates.
Not the last role in development of painful discontent with the appearance is played by hard-hitting, almost unrealistic standards of beauty which are dictated now by fashionable magazines and other mass media. Business becomes complicated if the young man at the same time does not find due support, understanding and approval neither from parents, nor from other significant adults. If it is rejected by age-mates and has no opportunity to show the strengths which also sometimes does not guess.the Beauty and the clear head Uma Thurman was sure by
- too never differed in small growth for what got, in due time, nicknames: “giraffe“ and “support“.
haunted Linda Evangelista`s Schoolmates her nose which they called not differently as “shovel“.
in the next interview about such fact from the life. When, being a senior pupil, she told the grandmother that she is going to go to the theatrical UNIVERSITY, that cut off in reply: “Well, actress, what of you? Neither talent, nor appearance...“ .What the grandmother was guided by
, saying directly to the granddaughter such cruel words? Perhaps, the best reasons. For example, desire to save the girl from a hard actor`s share. But whether she what deep wound she can put these to vanity of the teenager what complexes to put understood? Fortunately, the girl had a strong character, - she achieved what she wanted. And, seemingly, did not get complexes. So at this history the happy end. But happens and in a different way...
Elena, 30: “How many myself I remember - heard all the time from the father that I am ugly. And sacredly trusted it. Anyhow? It is told by my father - he - that will not lie to me. It constantly “calmed“ me: “You do not worry that awful was born - it is even good. But all your girlfriends - beauties will become available girls. And you study - give and forward march on a career ladder up...“
Why it told it to me? Probably, was afraid that “the available girl“ or something like that too will grow up from me... As a result I married the first comer as I was sure that it is more on such freak as I, nobody ever will covet. Lived for some reason 5 years with unloved and absolutely others to me the person. Divorced. Then some more years existed it is closed and is sad.
I only quite recently I suddenly with surprise found out that it am pleasant to men. And that people do not consider me ugly, and even on the contrary... It is absolutely difficult - to learn to accept and love the person and a body in 30 years. And still it is very a pity for the missed time which you will not return any more...“ .
to Understand, accept and fall in love with itself
At the majority of us teenage complexes, fortunately, come to naught over time. We mature, we fall in love, we feel like darlings, we care for the relatives, we feel on ourselves their care. We develop, we open in ourselves strengths and we learn to estimate ourselves objectively. Eventually, we become rather experienced skillfully to hide the shortcomings and to emphasize advantages. In a word, we begin to accept ourselves such what we are, despite all our imperfections.
But are people with whom their complexes can remain for many years, become an obstacle for full-fledged life. To them to escape from the “personal hell“, it is worth remembering that ourselves bear responsibility for the life. It depends on us - we will concentrate on the negative moments, infinitely “picking“ old wounds, being sorry or hating itself... Or we will begin to notice and remember good - in ourselves and around us, to develop the strengths, to learn to understand, accept and love ourselves.
I still should think here of what. Sometimes, when life is similar to a ball of problems: the relations with an opposite sex are not got on, there are no friends, at work of trouble, there is no understanding with house, to us often instead of understanding the psychological reasons of the vital failures, simpler happens to dump everything on the excess weight, “awful skin“ or legs “wheel“. It seems to us that for this reason we did not find decent work or did not arrange private life. And of course, if only our appearance wonderfully changed, then everything at us would right there be adjusted. Whether so it actually? Or perhaps it is all about our inability or unwillingness: to communicate, build the relations, to set before itself the purposes, to make efforts?
the fact that some, having addressed plastic surgery and having corrected a shape of a nose can be the Example of that, through some time find, as ears are no good. And after elimination and this “defect“ - find at themselves following. And then - one more. And all because business here in deep internal trouble with which it is necessary to understand, but not external shortcomings.
psychological roots of the problems, to look to the truth in eyes, to try to understand (perhaps, by means of the psychologist) itself and to begin to change a situation. Nobody says that it is a simple task, is a long and difficult way. But on it it is worth going, it is better, than to follow the tastes of the complexes.