To hear and understand
As the working hard mother to communicate with the child that her attention was enough for it?
we will make a reservation At once: I will not advise you to find for children more time. We recognize from the fact that time which you can give to the child, very restrictedly. Therefore, it is good to increase quality of communication.
One of the leading needs of the child - mother`s attention. However not any attention is necessary for it. Sometimes it becomes painful and not really functional. I mean emotional “sticking“, “tie“ which some mothers consciously or unconsciously create.
Too emotional mothers undertake all emotional party of existence of the child. Here it comes after work home and begins to pour out on it tenderness streams: “You are my good, go to me, give I you I will embrace“. And then he cries, complains:“ Mother, do not leave tomorrow“... I do not want to tell that to the child it is not necessary to show caress - it is necessary, but it is not enough. It is necessary to talk to the child and, the most important, - to hear him. If it is loved, preserved, care, but do not talk to it, then it - only object of influence. Favourite object which feed with different things: knowledge, discipline. While it is a subject, the human person, the being equal to you, but with the requirements which need to try to be understood. To respond to them from its infancy, having rejected false, artificial reasons:“ not to indulge “, “ not to accustom to hands“, etc. the Child grows up - and the need for a variety of impressions is put in the forefront. So help it to satisfy it.
When the child begins to creep and go, do not put it in an arena with toys - they to it already became loathsome! For this reason it grabs kitchen utensils, covers from pans, the panel from the TV etc. Catches - and it is fine: clean all fragile, fragile, sharp, dangerous, and let him live freely and learns the world!to
Along with a variety of impressions in the physical world to the child needs also a variety of attachments. Of course, mother - moreover that which got used to be main at work - wants to be main and here. Wants that its society was enough for the child, and all others with whom he communicates, would carry out subsidiary, hozyaystvenno - household, educational functions, but did not take the place in his heart. It is obviously false installation. It is worth to remember the all-philosophical principle: if you choose something - you refuse something, lose something. You pay for what chose. To tell to the child all itself, all the best that as it seems to you, in you is, maybe, and it will not be possible. Means, it is necessary to soften the expectations, to give up thought that he receives the most important installations only from you.
I here inevitably the question of that person who spends the most part of time with the child, - as a rule rises, it is the nurse. Special agencies, plus at each mother the requirements help to select them. Many choose the person with a pedagogical experience (or - are even proud of it is the candidate of pedagogical sciences). Without thinking that this experience is acquired in kindergarten or at school. And these people absorbed in themselves the Soviet style of school education, style of bans and notations; they are not familiar with those approaches which are developed in psychology recently.I tell
Ya about so-called humanistic approach. His main idea - denial of a basis of bases: the fact that the child is “object of education“. Always was considered that it is a certain object on which it is necessary correctly, pedagogically to influence which needs to be formed, disciplined, forced to something.
the Humanistic psychology overcomes this installation. Its installation: it, the child, - the person living, equal to you and not that you want to make of it. We do not even represent how many talents are ruined by school! They are ruined by method, ways of training, the attitude towards the idea who such “pupil“. Installation of school - “it should be learned“. And it is very important to listen to it.Telling
about quality of communication, I mean the plastic attitude towards him, hearing of live needs of the child. If at school there is no it, then there have to be at least houses. To the child warmly when understand his requirements. One of the major - freedom to investigate the world and to receive impressions. The child investigates the opportunities - and gradually raises a bar. It is natural, and quality of the relation of mother includes acceptance of his desire to risk. When he small, he wants to climb above on a tree or more deeply to get into a pool, growing up - to run away with friends into the neighboring yard, having become even more senior - to come back home later than usual, to try a cigarette, wine... Here depends much on how parents behave. Notations and bans are powerless. And in this concrete situation, and in general.
Yes, you want that the child came to some conclusions which to you seem correct. It will come to them if sees before himself an example.
Everything that we wish to change in children, should be checked first of all attentively: whether it is what would be better to be changed in ourselves. For example, our pedagogical enthusiasm. Possibly, it is better to direct it to itself.