Rus Articles Journal

Assistant after the delivery:“ for“ and contra

We, women, daily brilliantly cope with all household chores, at the same time finding time for each family member. However the first weeks after the delivery many circumstances can “turn the river back“, and usually vigorous mummy will not be simply able to be a former, total energy and enthusiasm.

Expecting such moments, with approach of childbirth many women try to resolve an issue: but whether not to call them in the assistant their mother or the mother-in-law, who as not the grandmother of the kid can help better about the house, give a valuable advice on care of the child.

to learn what expects you in life under the same roof with the grandmother - the assistant and to make the right decision, we suggest you to reflect over strong and weaknesses of this step.

Arguments pro:

Cooking

the First problem which young mothers often face, - cooking. Stay, many in the very first days, with the kid of the house just do not manage to cook food. Mother still “did not enter the course“ new life with the baby. The newborn requires to himself an attention maximum: often asks to eat and when it is put to a breast, quite often it happens so that sucks slowly, inertly, falls asleep with a breast in a mouth. From - for it it is necessary to spend nearly whole day behind feeding of the kid. Only mother begins to do something on the house as hungry crying of just fed child is distributed.

If childbirth took place

with complications, the woman has seams, it also complicates participation in household chores since long stand at a plate to young mother can be heavy physically. Day passes quickly, the husband comes from work, and the dinner should be made “quick“. Of course, if the grandmother nearby, at young mother disappears a serious share of responsibility: the breakfast, a lunch and a dinner will be precisely ready always in time.

Communication

Sometimes young mother just wants to communicate to somebody, to distract from monotony, to share the supervision over the kid. So far life is not adjusted, the child is too small often to visit with him and to invite someone to himself, the woman especially sharply feels need in communication. Who as not the grandmother of yours of the baby who will be near, will understand you better and will be interested to listen to stories about how your child grows that is already able to do.

If to you to the aid there arrived the mother-in-law, it will be a good opportunity to get acquainted closer with it, to improve the friendly relations.

Councils

When the grandmother of your kid will be to

near, it will be easier to cope not only with household chores, but also with care of the child. Your mother or the mother-in-law will be able to give to you advice in time as well as that needs to be done, as they say, one head well, and two - it is better.

Katerina, 19:

“I early became a mother, my daughter was born when I was 18 years old. My mother lived on the neighboring street therefore she often visited me and helped me. I was many times convinced that if not our beloved grandmother, me would be much more difficult to catch all subtleties of care of the child.

For example, once my daughter began to cry strongly. I saw that it something disturbs, but that, I could not understand. Then, when my mother came, she attentively examined the granddaughter, and noticed at it an armpit a red spot of diathesis. And did not come to my mind to glance to the child of an armpit! We processed a spot ointment, and my daughter soon peacefully fell asleep on hands at the grandmother“.

an Opportunity to have a rest

the Help of the grandmother will make reality dream of your joint walk with the husband, rest together in the fresh air. If in advance to decant milk and to prepare a small bottle for the kid, the grandmother will be able to feed the child in time. Having made several recommendations about care of the child, you will quietly have a rest from house vanity, “to recover“ after the delivery, especially if you notice in yourself symptoms of a postnatal depression.

Love

Each mother dreams that the family also strong and selflessly, as well as it, loved her kid. Therefore the more she will allow the relatives to communicate with the child, the stronger they will be able to become attached to him and to fall in love. The grandmother will estimate your trust and will show the most tender feelings to the kid.

the Child will rejoice to “threefold attention“ of mother, father and grandmother too, and your relations with mother or with the mother-in-law will only improve. Thus the kid can help you not only more deeply develop the relations with those with whom they already at you are established but also with those whom you still should approach and “will get to like“: with mother of your husband.

Manifestation of love to the baby will well influence your good mood.

Margarita, 28:

“Till the birth of our daughter my relations with the mother-in-law were rather tense, it was difficult to me to communicate with it. When our crumb was born, and I saw, how strongly mother fell in love with it, I understood some of very important things. In - the first, it is impossible to limit communication of the grandmother and granddaughter. In - the second, it is necessary to learn to trust the child to the grandmother, to allow it to play with him not only at my presence, but also when I leave somewhere. In - the third, it is necessary to do everything that also the granddaughter also fell in love with the grandmother from the heart. Now, when I observe all this, our relations with the mother-in-law became warm, we knew better and understood each other“.

Household chores

All household chores can create a certain problem for young mother if there is no assistant nearby. When the husband comes from work tired, he is not able to wash the floor, to clean a hall, etc. And if you do not manage to cope with housework, it is possible to ask mother to help you.

I to you, and your husband it will be much easier to adjust new life with a small penis of your family when to the maximum various “irritants“ are eliminated: the untidy room, dirty ware, etc.

It is undoubted, stay after the delivery with mother - the assistant will please the first weeks much. But it is necessary to consider at the same time and “undercurrents“ which can meet to you on the way, it is known that to two hostesses in the house to get on not so easily.

it will be more difficult than

if as the assistant the husband`s mother is invited.

Having armed with

in advance with knowledge of situations which you can face, it will be much easier for you to cope with difficulties if they arise.

Arguments contra:

1. Feeding, decantation

Some young mothers hesitate to nurse the child at strangers. In many families it is not accepted to be bared even to the woman before the woman. If you from such family, then it is difficult to you to feed at the same time the child and, for example, to communicate with the mother-in-law. Especially it can bring discomfort in the beginning when you only begin to master feeding science a breast and get used to a new role. The same can be told also concerning decantation.

If the grandmother is an assistant nevertheless arrived to you, and you faced a similar problem, it is necessary to borrow from the very beginning convenient for you and at the same time a non-contentious position. Try in conversation with the grandmother before feeding to place emphasis that you will go to feed the child to other room (or on kitchen) that nobody disturbed you. Explain accidentally that you with the kid still get used to each other, and it is necessary to be removed that nothing distracted the child and you from feeding process.

Can use

a secluded corner in the same room where there is a grandmother, having turned away to a wall or to a window, or to find clothes for mothers which are conveniently undone during feeding, without baring a breast completely.

2. The postnatal depression

to

statistically every tenth woman in labor is subject to a postnatal depression. It does not mean that, get you to their number, you will suffer and cry surely gloomily. Many women, having come back from maternity hospital, become especially irritable, the most harmless things begin to anger them. If on economy while the woman in labor in maternity hospital, remains someone foreign, can irritate the come back home young mother anything: from “not so“ put footwear, to the ware which is not cleaned in time in a case. Nervousness can overcome you even if the assistant does everything very well.

Tatyana, 29:

“When I went to give birth to our third kid, at our place there were on economy both mothers: and washing, and the husband. Of course, me it was quiet for my senior children and for the husband, I was sure that with two grandmothers they will be fed and well-groomed, and it very much pleased me.

When us with the newborn son was brought home, first of all I glanced in kitchen... Having seen as well as what there is put and it is necessary, I felt strong inflow of irritation and hurried to go to the room to stay with the kid. The matter is that I very much love purity and an order, and for me is inadmissible that after a lunch something from ware or products remained on a table. Grandmothers did not pay any attention to it, it was even convenient to them that everything is near at hand.

So far I had no forces and time to be engaged in “statement of all on the places“, I just tried to be silent and restrain not to upset the grandmothers who were so trying to help me. I admit, it was hard for me to do it. I think that the reason of my state was not so much in a disorder, how many in a small postnatal depression“.

In advance morally prepare that in you such feelings which you do not expect can wake up. Having felt inflow of irritation, it will be simpler to cope with anger in case you are ready for the correct harmony. Try not to show the feelings in a rage rush, keep silent better and leave to other room or go with the kid for walk. Your anger will pass soon, and through time you will understand what happened terrible nothing, and will be glad that did not create to themselves excess problems, razdrazhivshis from - for some trifles.

3. Councils of mother

For certain mother or the mother-in-law, being near you, will try to give to you as much as possible advice on care of the child. On the one hand, its constant recommendations can irritate you (besides from - for special conditions of mentality after the delivery). With another, not all taught in youth of our mothers to, is true today. Of course, the grandmother will wish only the best to the grandson, but it will be healthy if you periodically ask questions to the skilled pediatrician and to read modern literature on how to care for children.

problems and concerning advice to the mother-in-law Can arise: young mummy can hesitate to explain her the essentially different position in care of the baby.

of Lille, 24 years:

“Once when my son was 4 months old, I left with it on affairs to the city. We went along the crowded street, suddenly I heard that I am called by some unfamiliar elderly woman. It approached me and, having taken an interest how many months to my child, began to ask me whether I sing water of the son.

In the beginning I not up to the end understood

why it asks me this question. But then everything became clear: several months ago at her daughter - the pediatrician the child was born, and young mother nurses the child only, without listening to councils of the grandmother to give to drink to the kid water. “She declares to me that modern methods of breastfeeding do not assume that will give to drink to the child water what supposedly in milk of mother there is all necessary, - the grandmother complained, - as it is possible to torment so the child without water what modern rules such are?!“

it is simpler to Cope with the grandmother - the adviser to those women who is capable to listen to the interlocutor peacefully. Do not try to overpersuade the mother, keep the tranquility for the child and the husband because it is more important for you and your family.

Try to listen to councils with a smile upon the face, do not promise (“Yes, I any more will never put on to the son a diaper“), but also do not get into argument (“Modern pediatricians categorically against cream of wheat, and I will not give it to the child“). Eventually, you are a mother of your kid. And you care for it as you consider it necessary. Nobody takes away this right therefore war is not necessary. Try to express a consent and to thank mother for useful tips, not only old-fashioned rules the grandmother - the assistant teaches you to be guided. Develop subjects in which you are solidary, you transfer conversation to in what your opinions meet.

also maintain by

In communication with the mother-in-law friendly tone, choose the most delicate expressions, thank the husband`s mother for concern, let it know that you warmly treat it and you do not wish to enter with it disagreements. It is important to you to do everything possible to love each other so as far as it is possible.

4. Communication of the father with the kid

If in the house at first is not foreign residents, it will be easier for father of the kid to get used to the newborn, to find contact with it. Men, owing to the temperament, can often hesitate to show at foreign people feelings, especially when paternity for them - something absolutely new, novel.

If with you in one apartment it is at first constant to be the grandmother, the father will have less opportunity with the kid: grandmothers do not depart from the favourites - grandsons for a minute. There will be less often a need in the help of the father, he infrequently should carry on handles of the crying baby, to change to it a diaper, to change clothes since all this will be done by mother and the child`s grandmother. Thus, while with you there lives the assistant, hardly your husband will learn to be yours “the right hand“ in care of the kid.

However at desire and here can find a way out. Make interesting maneuver to connect the father to care of the newborn. Feed the husband who came from work, give him time to have a rest, and then ask it to stay with the kid until you with the grandmother drink a tea and you will have a talk on the “female“ subjects. Make such tea drinking regular, and it will be double advantage for your relations, there will be a strengthening of your communication with mother or the mother-in-law and establishment of contact of the father with the child.

5. Health of the grandmother

your mother can modestly be silent about the illnesses, with love doing everything that you ask it, however it is worth to remember that elderly people need bigger rest, than we. For example, at osteoporosis grandmothers often are not recommended to carry long grandsons on hands to avoid unpleasant consequences.

Be attentive to the mother or the mother-in-law, do not overload it with household chores. Let the kid be more often not on hands at the grandmother, and nearby in a children`s armchair. The grandmother can, without lifting the child, to communicate and play with it.

6. A habit

All of us quickly get used to good. Therefore the longer the grandmother will indulge you the help, the day in which you will need to begin to learn to manage to do everything independently is postponed further. In the house where there is a child, will always be some small the businessman.

Of course, with the grandmother - the assistant very conveniently, but the real “adult“ life will begin at you only when all responsibility both for the kid, and for the house passes to that on whom it has to be - on you and your husband. You are a keeper of the center and mother, the husband - the getter and the father, and having only fully accustomed to the roles, you will be able to feel as an independent family. And the grandmother can be invited as the guest to please her with achievements of the grandson and to drink a seagull with beloved children.