Rus Articles Journal

He and she: features of relationship. Began part 2

On the way of mutual understanding between the man and the woman there are stereotypes filling life of each of them (and us) the is personal - the significant sense full of ideas of how their relations and who what role in them has to carry out have to develop.

the Mistake and the reason of a set of contradictions here attempts to impose the vital principles to other person, winning against own stereotypes and to help the person close to you most to cope with the become em>. These “victories“ will make a basis of your personal progress and progress of the person close to you, will become the beginning of comprehension of inner worlds of each other and creation of the general world of effective and progressive relationship built on knowledge and understanding of your identity.

At men and women the different purposes in life, as well as at any person. If we analyse as there passes day of the woman and day of the man, then we will see the mass of differences in their daily activity (occupations and cares). The difference in activity as we already found out, leads to a difference during mental processes. Therefore, defines a difference in perception of information and elaboration of the response to it expressed in behavior not to mention a difference in requirements.

let`s remember

Now what creates difficulties in communication between two people (without gradation on a floor):

  • Difference of patterns of perception;
  • Distortion of the arriving and proceeding information;
  • of Antagonistichnost (contrast) of views and beliefs;
  • Context of submission of information.
we Will list to

levels of intersexual distinctions:

  • of Fizio - the genetic level (a functional difference of organisms, heredity);
  • Culturally - the historical level (formation of stereotypes of femininity and a maskulinnost);
  • the Social level (a socialization difference, a difference of the acquired social roles);
  • Active level (difference of primary activity and functionality);
  • Individual level (as result a difference individually - personal representations, installations, outlooks, an orientation, interests, requirements).
As we see

, ways at each of floors are followed by a set of barriers of the general character (peculiar to people regardless of a floor) and specific (the caused sexual distinctions of formation of mentality and the personality).

Then the natural question arises. How to men and women all are it is possible to find a common language, to come to mutual understanding if “natural“ and “social“ in them so variously? As it became clear

by p, not so “it“ and variously.

of People by the nature it is bisexual. It is shown also at the hormonal level, and on physiological. At each person the different proportion contains both men`s and women`s hormones, the body of each person contains both men`s and women`s bodies, but in a rudimentary state. So at a five-week human germ it is impossible to distinguish it a floor and only by the end of the third month the processes identifying it on a floor come to the end. Researches of genitals and their output ways speak about overlapping between signs of both floors in their rudimentary state. So it turns out that there is no person who could be identified completely as the same-gender representative, and each man in some degree is a woman, having all her sexual characters at himself (once again we will remind in a rudimentary state), and each woman carries in herself the man. On the basis of these provisions Otto Vayninger developed the theory of an attraction of floors.

Turns out that the human nature, though allocated each of floors with various physiology, but in too time made men and women by the inseparable, uniform beginning, having allocated one individual with signs of both floors.

Analyzing the social party of formation of floors, we can see also a set of the general moments in socialization of floors. Regardless of a floor, society instills in all people values in orientation: on individual success and social development, respect for the identity of other people, observance of the civil rights and duties, encouragement of creation of married couples etc. Contains in society not less emphasizing uniqueness of each of the floors uniting men and women of factors, than factors, and as we know uniqueness is what distinguishes “one from another“. But only society took care a little of that this uniqueness was mutually pulling together and caused thirst not “to possess, have and dominate“, but “to learn, develop and be improved“, respecting identity of each of participants of this process.

the Nature allocated us with “two-cavity“, and creation of new life requires both unity, and difference between floors. And if differences we already know enough, then probably came it is time to look for what unites two unique parties of the person - the man and the woman.

the Mankind spent thousands of years in searches and proofs of a difference between floors, creating thousands of prejudices and barriers against which to the developing person to have to fight for finding of harmony in the relations.

the World of the man and woman demand frank mutual penetration, mutual knowledge and a unification for the creation of the new worlds and the world of their relations created on the basis of knowledge, understanding and respect of identity of each of creators.

As was told by I. S. Kohn: “The it is better than the man and women will know themselves and each other, the less at them will be disappointments“.

Ourselves bear responsibility for those relations which ourselves create also our actions or inaction accompany it.

Practical recommendations:

  1. you Learn to establish the official report in communication with other people through their predicate of perception. For this purpose you need to be attentive to the partner in communication. In the speech he will open for you the leading system of perception, using the following verbs and adjectives:“ look “, “ it is obvious“, “probably“, “we will look“ - such the visual learner uses more often than the others, audiat in the speech will constantly refer to what he heard, and kinestt to emphasize value of feelings and feelings in the speech. That the person allocated yours from the general flow of information, use the speech patterns, identical, similar to it, designating its predicate. But be not deceived since in various situations the same person can have different predicates of perception so use those which he uses at present. Also important that their application was not persuasive, otherwise you can be accused of a manipulation.
  2. in order to avoid a liberty in interpretation of your words and words of the interlocutor use specifications whether you correctly understood and whether correctly understood you. The person talks to you not only words, and at once all over, observe and you correlate reactions of a body to the speech, so you will be able to understand speaking more truly. It is important to understand: that say to you why you it are told why you it are told and as it you are told. Having connected answers to these questions, you will be rather informed for right interpretation told you. it is better for li to ask
  3. For settlement of disputes and contradictions the questions interesting you concerning opinion of the opponent, so the questions you will be able to let it know the course of the thoughts and to specify on weak as it seems to you, places or contradictions in its position. Answering your questions, he will be forced to consider also your position, having compared it with the and to change the opinion or maybe having heard his answers, you change the position. Be critical to themselves and the opponent equally.
  4. U of each of us set of beliefs, stereotypes, installations. To each of us they seem logical and reasonable. Therefore we should work with ourselves that to get rid of them. Agree, over time we remember how a few years ago our inexperience and “youth“ of our views, our ambitions was the cause of serious quarrel. Force of our identity is that we can change and develop, and together with us also our outlook will change. The world, people and their relations are not so one-sided as sometimes it seems to each of us, just our views became outdated and it is time to make revaluation of values and cleaning from stereotypes. We are not static.
  5. do not neglect relationship in hope that everything is formed by itself, but also be not engaged in their construction alone. Harmony in the relations is where their creation went in common, in such relationship interests of everyone are considered, and the majority of interests become the general. Becomes the motto of such relations weighty “we“.
  6. do not allow to slight you, do not hide offense, do not hold back trifles and contradictions, you say about what concerns you differently, having collected, contradictions will escape outside big scandal. Solve minor problems on the place, at the time of their emergence. Let frankness will be norm of your relations. The main thing not to forget that the same claims can be stated differently and how you will present them to the loved one, will influence development of your relations further. Do not deceive yourself, you look soberly at that to whom you are close with whom you live. And on.
  7. Be interested in
  8. in the person close to you, learn it, pay attention to its interests. Be frank in the relations with it, show it the inner world, open its world. The you know each other better, the it will be simpler to understand to you each other. Do not wait when someone solves a riddle of your soul, disclose the identity (in affairs, hobbies, the relations, communication).
  9. Develop since the rigidnost (stiffness) comes after that as your personal progress stops. What more you are developed, erudite, especially you are interesting, especially you are flexible. The more you know, especially your outlook is developed, the more deeply and more widely you can see many phenomena of everyday life, not only establishing the fact of their existence, but also understanding the reasons of their emergence and dynamics of their development, and, so having an opportunity to influence them.
  10. to
  11. “To learn to understand people, needs time,“ - will tell us.“ To learn to understand people, it is necessary to study it,“ - we will answer. Study psychology, it will help you with private life, with professional activity and with education of children. It will teach you to see in a new way the world not only a surrounding, but also inner world, thousands of the worlds of people of people around you.

of relationship Pleasant to you.