Rus Articles Journal

He and she: features of relationship. Part 1

of Relationship of floors can be considered in the context of distinctions between the man and the woman. Distinctions physiological, social and mental. There is not a small amount of the opinions testifying to a difference or similarity between floors.

But before we sort features of intersexual relationship, it makes sense to consider the misunderstanding reasons between people in general (without their division according to a sexual character). Then, having made transfer on the relations of the man and woman adjusted for their specific features, it will be simpler to us to realize in what a difference and complexity of mutual understanding between floors.

We perceive information from the world surrounding us by means of a set of receptors, but there are the main by which we are guided in particular and at the choice of the partner in communication. Visual (sight), audialny (hearing), kinestetichesky (feelings). At each person the predicate of perception through which it is simpler to us to establish with it the official report of communication (the effective frictionless system of the relations providing the best understanding with each other partners) is most developed. So the greatest number of people are considered as “visual learners“ or “audiala“, but it does not mean that other systems of perception are not important for them since the complete picture to us is provided is integrated the apprehended signals.

Misunderstanding easily arises between people with different predicates of perception, so if the man “kinestt“, and the woman “visual learner“ of their claim to each other can be expressed as follows: “He constantly “touches“ me, or, “She constantly says that I am a sloven, notices a heap of trifles...“ And each of them estimates the partner in own predicate of perception, the man “kinestt“ expresses the relation in touches and feelings received from them, it projects this system of perception also on the partner. It is important for it that he looked good and it was tidy (as it), performance of this condition would become an important factor (perhaps decisive) for establishment of the official report of communication with it.

Thus, for creation of good relationship with the person to us it is important to know what system of perception plays for it the leading role in knowledge of surrounding reality and us as its integral component. It will specify to us the mildest way to his consciousness.

But difficulties in the relations arise between the people having and similar predicates of perception. It often occurs from - for distortions or individual interpretation of the apprehended information, and maybe result of a distortion of meaning, at the formulation of thought the person before stating to her another. The word, is only the symbol making the value and bearing the sense, and sometimes different people interpret the same word or the phrase (understand) differently since they allocate value of the same word with various subjective meanings. There is also other feature in interpretation. The phrase “I will kill you!“ it can be understood differently depending on the context told, and it is: a situation in which it is told, intonation, a mimicry, a pose speaking, the accompanying gestures and actions. All this is perceived by our subconsciousness and individually interpreted, turning into judgment of what actually to us was wanted to be told. On the basis of the turned-out judgment we give response.“ Billeting, everything it is possible to settle peacefully! “or“ I am glad that was pleasant to you“. Or:“ Well, only itself be not killed“. Means, the same phrase could state us threat, express delight or joke.

Communication and ability to speak is a thin tool which effective use can lead to achievement of desirable reaction from the partner. Inexperience in its use and not knowledge of the partner can become the reason of mutual misunderstanding, the conflicts, rejection.

But as our practice shows, people not always understand, apparently, things, simple from our point of view, and interpret told by us very subjectively. So, to us sometimes to have to eliminate elements of misunderstanding in communication, we apologize and we say that at all not “that“ was meant.

True-life story. I agreed to meet the friend in the subway in eight. As a result, I arrived there at eight in the morning because arrived to Moscow in the morning and on the way home planned to meet it. It arrived to a meeting at eight in the evening because it was free at this time. And since morning as he spoke then, would not come to his mind to go (“why to rise in such wound“). Everyone interpreted the general information in own way, according to the representations, in this case about a daily routine and decided that the partner estimated it also, i.e. projected individual sense.

the Arriving information in consciousness of the person is exposed to distortion and generalization according to outlook of the person, his installations, beliefs, constructs, individually significant meanings, physiological and mental features of perception. And if the last is put more genetically, then the outlook, installations and beliefs are formed at the person in the context of socialization (i.e. assimilation of norms, rules, values, forms of behavior, that society in which he was born grew and exists). This process is continuous, the person constantly acquires social experience, processes it, realizes in various activity on the basis of what his personality is formed, the individual lifestyle (influencing on psychosocial, and, therefore, and individual dynamics of development of the person) is developed. And the subsequent information, the subsequent experience lays down on the created social base of the personality, i.e. is acquired in the context of already available representations.

Thus, we can tell that information arriving to the person is distorted through a prism of his personality (his individual, life experience). The person individually perceives the world and the world of the relationship with other people surrounding him. Though all people different, we can distinguish the city dweller from rural, representatives of “center“ from the bohemian, the member of one subculture from another. And it is heavy to representatives of different layers to find a common language from - for differences of the values, beliefs and views of the world, actual specific to their layer of problems, and at each of them the style of behavior and the rule of communication, as well as at each of us. Therefore any word told by us to the partner in communication passes through a prism of his consciousness, through his individual picture of the world (its experience) and according to it undergoes distortion. It is also important not to forget about a context of submission of information, i.e. it is necessary to consider psycho - an emotsiaonalny state perceiving, caused by personal experiences and a social situation in which it is.


Now to understand some of the misunderstanding reasons between representatives of a different floor, let`s look on how the man and the woman developed that so distinguishes them from each other and what unites.

the Nature does not know the word “floor“, it was thought up by people (our ancestors) and the word “nature“ too. But for continuation of the human race there is a need that female and a machismo connected, i.e. creation of new life requires a unification of floors, their merge. Against it various social currents extolling ideas of same-gender superiority over another look poor and unnatural. Superiority about which they speak bears under itself culturally - the historical base of development of humanity, and a possibility of same-gender domination over another is caused by imperfection of the social system created by people, but not available potential at each of floors. As a result each of floors dominates in the area.

Process of creation of life and its “incubation“ determined by

a physiological difference between floors, and according to physical data each representative of a floor was engaged in what its physiology (his body) was better adapted for that in turn formed the basis of division of labor duties between the man and the woman. Having divided duties, each of floors defined the branch of development meaning for the most successful performance of the tasks peculiar to this direction, existence of specific qualities and abilities. The same in turn influenced formation of mental features of each of floors. During millions of years the mentality of the man and woman developed in the context of activity in which each of floors was engaged. So at each of floors various departments of a brain which are responsible for performance of activity and information processing specific to each of floors so developed distinction between floors was put by the nature, but developed socially, being melted genetically and made out in psychosocial sexual characters. And in modern society this regularity in the majority remained, despite progress of emancipation.


In the history to each of floors socially assigned various roles, following to which meant performance of a certain activity, in society stereotypes (“criteria“) of courage and feminity which received names of a maskulinnost and femininity were developed, each of which means existence and cultivation of a certain socially approved qualities characteristic to each floor. With evolution of culture and change of social reality also the content of concepts of femininity and a maskulinnost changes. With birth, being socialized, the child acquires these standards that is actively promoted by his genetic favor, these standards form the basis of his individual views, his living position. And each child depending on his floor will have the specific context of social education specific to that society in which he lives also specific representatives of this society, on the broadcasting it social experience (parents, relatives, friends).

We already said that each person has an individual perception of world around and the maintenance of its inner world individually. Comparing two “casual“ men or two “casual“ women we will find at them serious differences from each other from - for differences of their inner worlds (their views, positions, installations, outlook). But having compared these two men and two women among themselves, we right there will notice similarities of men and similarity of women in their dyads and difference of a dyad of men from a dyad of women.

of the Man, as well as the woman, will quicker and better find mutual understanding among themselves. It is caused by the fact that their social education had the general focus, supported the general deep socially - a historical and genetic basis, and, leaning on this community, it will be easier for them to find mutual understanding with each other, than with the representative of other floor which passed through other patterns of education, excellent culture. They will come to a unification through the general socially - role similarities inherent in each of floors, but it does not mean that each of them will understand and will accept identity of another, and their relations will be under construction proceeding from knowledge of features of an inner world of the partner and disclosure to it the.