Fear at you on a palm of
Of course, we already said that “feelings everyones are necessary...“, but is such about which there is no wish to speak at all, there is a wish to ignore them or not to learn. And one of them - fear. Nevertheless, still Seneca told: “So far as the fear reason - ignorance whether we should not learn not to be afraid?“
What represents fear? At the physical level in all body tension is felt, it can concentrate in a neck, heart, a stomach. The body as if fades, clenches, in certain cases begins to shiver, legs sometimes give away, cold sweat acts. At the level of emotional experience the fear arises when the person realizes that it is threatened by danger. It can proceed from the outside - fear of monsters, spiders, snakes. Or to have the internal reasons - fear of loneliness, a mistake or failure. Content of fears changes with age. If kids are afraid of the dark, monsters, fairy tale characters, then school students, especially younger, overcome the fears connected with school and its requirements. The fear belongs to the known dangers. It means that it has a certain subject. And the person can influence this subject.to Concealment is not subject to
Quite naturally that a discomfortable physical state at manifestation of fear or alarm, fear to look ridiculous or ridiculous (not by rules), from the social point of view - to be not accepted society, leads us to the fact that we try to get rid somewhat quicker of these feelings or not to notice them at all. Who did not speak to the child: “What nonsense, nobody is afraid, and you are afraid!“ or “It seems so to you, you just think out it“? But here trouble: thereby we not only deprive of the child of contact with its own feelings, but also experience of knowledge, imposing the experience, i.e. taking away the right for its own process of sincere growth from the child. Collision with negatively painted emotion helps not only to learn interaction with it, but also to open presence at itself of some new abilities and resources. For example, transforming fear to the fairy tale or the story, you, perhaps, will face that you have fine imagination and the art word. Perhaps, you will show genuine interest in a fear subject. The formula “terribly, but it is very interesting“ allows not only to cope with fear, but also to open access to own resources. And, of course, it is necessary to remember that the ignored or quashed feelings often hide in depth and can show the real face at the most inappropriate moment or turn into a corporal symptom. The children familiar with the emotions and openly expressing them, easily make contact, they are dynamic, easily express pleasure, offense or displeasure. It can be seen on a mimicry or behavior of the child. And those who owing to family education keep in themselves the true feelings confuse feelings or does not learn them, are more subject to a stress and psychosomatic diseases. Therefore let`s remember: any feeling has to be identified and called! There should not be unnoticed feelings. > it is useful for p to be afraid of
I at fear, and the alarm has very important function: in the ancient time they allowed the person to survive. If there was no fear, then our ancestor, carelessly entering a dark cave, it would be torn simply to pieces by predators. The alarm not only signals about uncertain danger, but also induces to look for its sources actively. Besides, she allows to assess current situation and to find versions of the decision. Not any child is able to say with others about what he is afraid of, is not always able to find words at once. It is possible to try here that: to designate fear, to place it in own palm and to talk to it, to thank for the fact that it is preserves against something. And it is surprising that the fear from the huge awful monster turns into the soft plush toy sitting in a palm. Of course, each child is individual, and the fact that he helps one, is absolutely unacceptable for another therefore it is so important to mothers and fathers to learn to watch external manifestations of the child (for this purpose we told above about symptoms of fear and alarm), to hear as well as that the child tells and what he tries to hold back. And, of course, it is necessary to say with children about what disturbs them in a quiet situation.
Emotional experience of communication with parents is a base for forming of the relations of the child with the world. Parents - a source of heat and support without which it is so lonely and helpless. Parents are carriers of the first system of estimates of encouragement and punishment, life experience, they give to the child the first example for imitation. And here, speaking about the disturbing child, first of all we advise you, the adult to pay attention to itself and the fears, ourselves broadcast many fears to our children. For example, disturbing mother often tries to protect the child from the imagined dangers, depriving of him independence, strengthening control of his behavior. Thereby she transfers to the child the concern and uncertainty stimulating growth of uneasiness with which the child cannot cope any more. Therefore, please, observe yourself. Be able to tell the child about the fears and about how you cope with them. Try to compose a story about fear, to draw fears and even to play the whole doll performances. And you are convinced that the child who has a trust and support of seniors himself is capable to cope with much of what so frightened him and us, the adults urged to be conductors of children in this world yesterday.