11 steps on the way to good luck of
About what to do that you were always accompanied by good luck, are told by the Argentina psychotherapist and the writer Jorge Bucay.
1. Do not count only on good luck
At once I admit: I believe in good luck, in happy chances and signs of destiny, And I agree that some people already from the birth have more opportunities, than at others. But there is also one more factor - what you made in order that these opportunities were carried out? Let`s take for an example of the person with excellent musical abilities. If he studies, then will be able to achieve success and even glory. But, if he does not study, it will turn out that musical abilities were for it useless. It simply will not use this gift of destiny.
Therefore I consider that in any life situation there are two factors. The first factor - external, is what is given you by destiny. The second factor - internal, is what you made for your destiny. And good luck - only the end result of interaction of these two factors.
2. Do not assume that world crisis became your internal crisis
As the psychiatrist, I cannot give to you advice how to arrive with your property as it is correct to invest money, or how to get more highly paid job. I understand only an interior and therefore I will not manage to tell you how to endure world crisis without loss. But I can tell you what should be done to live quietly. - do not allow the most important that external difficulties became your internal difficulties.If the person realizes
strong and weaknesses, can estimate sensibly with whom to it on the way and with whom - no, no crisis to it is terrible. Because in any situation he will be able to see opportunities for further development.It is very important
that you always had in life a purpose to which you aspire. Perhaps, you cannot reach it right now, it is unimportant. Existence of the purpose in life is a key to everything.
3. Do not lie to yourself
you for certain got into a similar situation: made you a certain proposal, and at heart you understood at once that it not yours. But for some reasons nevertheless accepted this offer. Perhaps, from - for money or from - for some future opportunities all of you finished yourself that it suits you. For example, you agreed to obviously uninteresting work for which pay much. Or went there where did not want to go not to offend the family. For certain at the end it turned out that all this did not bring you anything good.
Therefore my following council: always be sincerely with yourself. You can not speak even to the closest people about your true motives, but to yourself you by all means have to admit them.
4. Do not try to be objective in relation to yourself
It is impossible because you - not object. You are initially subjective, and to do nothing with it. By and large, objectivity per se does not exist at all. And what we got used to call an objective view on a thing - only the sum of many subjective opinions. The only thing that matters, is your sincerity in relation to itself. You look at yourself honestly, without belittling and without ennobling. More nothing is necessary.
5. Be not afraid to ask for the help
If you really want to glance in own soul and to understand what you actually, most likely, waits for you a surprise. In soul you can find such corners which you will not be able to consider in any way in yourself. Here you also need the help of other people. It can be the girlfriend, either the husband, or someone from relatives. And if among the environment you do not find anybody suitable, it is possible to address also the psychotherapist.will become
of People which you ask for the help “mirror“ in which you will be able to be looked. Present: if you something soiled the person, you do not learn about it, will not glance in a mirror yet. In the same way and with mentality of the person - sometimes it is necessary to ask for the help others. And if it is inconvenient to you to make it, think here of what: and your relatives can have a spot on a forehead about which they know nothing, and only you can tell them about it. Whether it is necessary to do it - already other question.
I one more council: you should not look only in one mirror, it can be curve. I do not say that it is necessary to trust everything that tell you people around. But their opinion needs to be taken into account, making own picture of the world.When you fallen in love by
, look only in one mirror. In it there are advantages and the shortcomings. On the one hand, darling sees in you only good, and it is very pleasant. With another - hardly you will see truthful reflection in such “mirror“.
6. You love with open eyes
It is one of the most important talents - to love the person, but at the same time to see it entirely, with his merits and demerits. For certain you will tell that it is difficult. I will not agree with you. To love with open eyes, only a little maturity and slightly - slightly is necessary for courage, it is necessary to refuse illusions. Be not afraid to refuse passion in favor of feelings.
In my opinion, a difference between passion and feelings - in intensity. But the passion is short, and feelings can last all life. In youth to us first of all the passion is important, but adults prefer feelings - not such bright and sharp, but deep. It is normal, it is not necessary to be afraid of it. If you look for only intensity, then break off the relations as soon as there passes the passion. Also it is necessary to afflict you: you will never find what you look for.
If you long live with the person, it is necessary to be ready to the fact that there will be rises and recessions. There will be periods filled with passion and there will be time when seems to you that the passion left forever. But, if you love, it will return.
7. Do not try to control the feelings, but control acts
of People is not capable to cause at own will the feelings is the fact. I cannot fall in love with the woman because I so wanted. But, if I want, I can bridle the feelings and behave in such a way that the novel at us does not happen to it. That is I can control the actions, but not feelings.
Us was brought up just the opposite - was considered that it is necessary to control emotions, and actions, it seems, happen by itself. But actually all on the contrary: we are not imperious over the emotions, but we are responsible for how we behave: what we tell and what we hold back that we do and what we do not do. But we cannot bear responsibility for what we feel, - never accuse yourself for it. If someone could operate the feelings, all psychiatrists of the world would be left without work.
8. Risk tranquility for the sake of communication
the Illness of the 21st century is a loneliness. In some western countries many people work at home, on the Internet, communicate in chats with people whom they did not even meet in real life. They order products in the Internet - shops, pay bills on phone.
are symptoms of isolation of the person from society, people begin to be afraid of communication. But, even if you leave the house and go to the subway to get for work, you are lonely in crowd, it is only other party of the same problem. The person even more often longs, becomes unfortunate. He knows about himself less, he has no “mirror“ In which it is possible to look. Presently it is possible to pass the whole day with the soiled person and clothes, and nobody will tell you about it. Because the fact that we take for normal lifestyle is an isolation, pseudo-communication.
needs to run risks to improve the real relations. Yes, you can be rejected. If you do not talk to people, you will not hear that bad that they can tell you. But you will not hear also good!
9. You do not hurry to the psychotherapist
Probably, what I will tell now, will seem to you strange: I lose work! But, nevertheless, my following council such: deal with your problems. Of course, the help of the expert is sometimes necessary, but these are very exceptional cases. Try to take care of the own life. If fall in love with your purposes and projects, then be not afraid to love other people and to live to live. You can even risk your wellbeing to reach something bigger. In my opinion, it is justified risk.
Only consider at the same time two things. In - the first, accept all things such what they are. Not such as you would like that they were, not such with what they were five years ago, not such as your mother spoke about them. Because only you will be able to take some steps to change a situation which does not suit you.
I, in - the second, be optimistical. Keep in mind that the optimist is not the one who sees the whole world through rose-colored glasses, and the one who considers that everything can be corrected and made better even if affairs go not really well. The optimist sees as as it is possible to make to change a situation. And the pessimist rejects in advance that good luck which can come to him.
10. Never you refuse dream
do not refuse your desires even if they cannot be carried out right now. Do not ignore your dreams because they can sometimes be very useful. For example, you dreamed about surprisingly beautiful city similar to Venice. After such dream at you can arise imaginations: as it would be fine to see Venice in reality. From the imagination the desire appears: I want to see Venice. And from desire the plan is born: what can be undertaken to get to Venice? And only with such views of people can be the optimist because you can make the action plan: what already today it is possible to make sometime to go to Venice.
11. Do not endow the happiness for the sake of the husband, children, parents and somebody
Physical communication of children with parents decreases - it is reality of our time. But present children will have no mother who will sometime tell: “From - for you I never had the life!“to Children it is necessary for
that their mother was happy and happy with life and the fact that it has children. It is not necessary to endow himself for the sake of them, it was hundred years ago and passed. Hundred years ago children spoke: “Our mother gave us everything, she offered herself for the sake of us“. Now speak: “My mother - the silly woman who from - for us all life suffered our father“.