Torture by food of
you heard sometime how loudly and exactingly baby birds in a nest shout, demanding food? Feathery parents all day long only also do that feed the children, and those ask more and more. With not smaller enthusiasm absorb food of a larva of insects, kittens, puppies and all other growing organisms. And occur only among human cubs such which sit, sad and pale, cry in a plate and it is perfect, well no droplets want to eat.
Parents seek to feed to the child plate contents in any ways: from soft “For mother, for the father, for the grandmother...“ to rigid “Do not eat everything so far, from - for a table you will not leave“. And if hated porridge and cutlet everything is are eaten, mother with the father consider that the objectives are achieved and everything is all right. And then...
- six-year-old Andryusha`s Parents came to consultation in full confusion, - the children`s psychologist, the candidate of psychological sciences Elena Anatolyevna Smirnova tells. - Their son escaped from the house recently. It was quickly found and returned, but the boy snapped, cried and threatened to run away again.the Shaken parents could understand nothing
. They swore and swore that love the child above all that with him were kind, never raised hands against him... But during detailed conversation one problem emerged: from the early childhood Andryusha had a small appetite, and it forced to eat.So the relations in a family turned out
seriously spoiled. And bitter experience taught nothing these in appearance reasonable and successful parents. In several years they came to consultation with the second child again. Protesting against parental pressure, the seven-year-old girl absolutely ceased to submit, hid school estimates. All this was result of long-term “war at a table“ too.
Of course, not all children are capable of an open protest. The quiet obedient girl whom too constantly forced to eat did not run away from the house itself, but it was done by all characters of her games. Then it is thought up the fantastic country where homeless children - toys found the new house and lived in it absolutely without adults.This girl not only houses, but also in kindergarten, and then at school forced to eat
. When all their first class on a big change a system went to the dining room to have breakfast, the baby began to knock teeth - for fear before next “torture by food“. It seemed to people around that the girl just froze, and she was ashamed to somebody to tell that she really happens to it.Such state doctors and psychologists already classify
as neurosis. Quite often at children who are fed violently also other changes of behavior are observed - they become immoderately stubborn, aggressive or whining.If to you can force
violently the child is, then, reading these lines, you, most likely involuntarily begin to calm yourself: well, we have absolutely other situation, to our child of it cannot happen, we so love him, we wish well only...
Alas! Even if obvious disturbing symptoms imperceptibly, the violence cannot completely pass for mentality of the child and his relationship with parents, Elena Anatolyevna claims. Having become more senior, the child, most likely, will forgive to mother and the father their excessive eagerness in questions of food. But at the subconscious level he will remember all the same that these people are capable to make violence, without reckoning with his requirements and feelings. And rather close, confidential relations in such family will be very heavy to be constructed.
of Advantage for health of feeding with a great effort too any. The researches conducted in the USA (their results are published in the magazine of the American psychological society), showed that children who are fed violently suffer from violations in work zheludochno much more often subsequently - an intestinal path and a thyroid gland, not to mention fears and neurosises.
But there is more to come. If parents always solve for the child when he needs to eat when to have a sleep and when it is warmer to put on, without reckoning with his own opinion, at the little person ability to realize and satisfy the requirements is badly formed. Even having become the adult, he cannot often understand, than wants to be engaged that is not enough for it for happiness. Ability to strong-willed regulation of the behavior at such people is reduced too.
Generally the human body is a self-regulating system which is capable to adapt to the most different conditions well. One of such adaptive reactions - loss of appetite during an illness, at a severe stress, at sharp change of a situation, climate, etc. To force the child is at such moments - means to do harm to its health, to prevent an organism to adapt to a difficult situation.
Turns out, as with psychological, and from the medical point of view to force the child is - harmfully. Then why it so often occurs? What forces parents to go against common sense and scientific recommendations?
of the Reasons, according to Elena Anatolyevna, a little. In - the first, the stereotype “satiety is very hardy in our people, fatness is health“. Especially at the people of the senior generation who endured war, ruin, hunger. In - the second, the large role is played by the attitude, traditional for our way, towards the child as to a being unreasonable, not understanding that for it it is good and that - is bad.
also other moments Are. Some parents, subconsciously feeling that they are not capable to give to the child enough attention, understanding, caress, involuntarily tries to compensate it by the strengthened care of its food.
Imperious, authoritative parents perceive refusal of food as one of forms of disobedience, misconduct and an order.Adults who consider important to arrive “as it is necessary to
“, “as has to“, are under oppression of a stereotype “the child has to eat“. It seems to them that otherwise they badly carry out the parental responsibilities.Disturbing parents endure
all the time that with their child something not as it should be - he too thin, too weak, too often is ill, lags behind in development, etc. Seeking to muffle somehow the alarm, they desperately try to create wellbeing illusion.
should not be forgotten also that in totalitarian society from which all of us it is the violence in general was considered as norm. In particular, tutors in kindergarten obliged to feed to each child his portion.
By the way, in the European countries where so the importance is attached to human rights, violent feeding meets much less often. There it is accepted to treat to younger as equal family members. The child suffering from violence in a family can even file a lawsuit against parents.
U us other traditions, other mentality. But the attitude towards own child as to the irresponsible, unreasonable being who is not understanding that it is necessary for it, - not the best that we can give it.
- And whether there were in your practice cases when parents realized the reasons of problems and changed the behavior? - I ask Elena Anatolyevna.
- Yes, it happens, though infrequently, unfortunately. At one time I advised a family in which the only adored son was stuffed with food by many years. Gradually charming chubby peanut turned into the clumsy fat teenager who very much suffered from sneers of peers. But parents, without noticing anything, continued to persuade him to eat one more pancake, one more cutlet.
In 14 years the boy, having realized that it was brought to such state by own parents, suddenly began to hate them, became aggressive, angry. Sharpness of the conflict forced parents to address the psychologist. After several consultations they changed the behavior radically: otherwise organized food in a family, helped the son to go on a diet and began to encourage sports activities in every possible way. For several months the boy grew thin, got stronger, felt the full-fledged person. Also the relations in a family were improved.
I one more history. The four-year-old girl from - for constant violent feeding had very unpleasant violation - enkoporez (an incontience a calla). For mother attaching extremely important significance to purity and accuracy it was the present tragedy.
After conversations with the psychologist mother realized an etiology of the child and made the decision to change the approach to food of the daughter. But as it was difficult for it! As painfully she endured this period! Having provided to the daughter freedom at a table, mother herself got sick - ceased to sleep. But cases of an incontience became more and more rare until completely passed. The mother`s health too gradually returned to normal.
- Not all parents have an opportunity to address at the right time the psychologist. How to arrive that who wants to refuse violent feeding, but does not know what to begin with?
- needs to be Begun with understanding of the reasons. Without it it is impossible to take the behavior under control of reason. It is necessary to remember that those reasons which we called can meet in each case separately or in various combinations.
Then needs to be discussed with the child of his menu. There is no need to force it to eat those dishes which cause disgust. Any product, even the most useful and nutritious, it is possible to replace with some another. Among useful products it is always possible to find tasty, and among tasty - useful.
A still to philoprogenitive, disturbing parents should be realized that their child absolutely will definitely not die of hunger if they cease to force it to eat. And, of course, having made such decision, it is impossible to depart from it.
- Some parents try not to feed the child until he asks. And he does not ask days, two... And they do not maintain, again force it to eat.- Let`s remember
once again: the human body has to regulate the needs for food. The longer refused to it such opportunity, the more slowly it is restored. But sooner or later it is all the same will occur.
the day regimen Helps to order food. Did not want to eat during a breakfast - it is not necessary. Till a lunch - any having a snack. Did not want to have dinner - we wait for a dinner. Also it is not obligatory the child at all, having got hungry, will eat two or three dishes at once. Perhaps, it will be only one apple. Means, at present it is not required to an organism any more.
the Food has to be pleasure. There is nothing terrible in that, the psychologist considers if at a table read to the small child the book or tell the fairy tale. It is better, than to stand near a belt in hands. Besides small children to whom the increased mobility is peculiar sometimes are simply not capable to sit in one place long. Reading or the story helps them to calm down and concentrate.
Well and if it is all the same difficult for you to believe that the child will be able to be sated without your “management“, talk on this subject to any mother having many children. Most likely, she admits that it hardly has forces and time to prepare enough food, and everything is eaten very quickly and with pleasure. Not because her children - some others. Just mother has no time to create from this a problem.