Rus Articles Journal

Forgive us, mother!

Ya went down the street, it was insufferably cold. Ice wind hit into a face, it was impossible to evade, it is necessary to go forward, I do not even know why, also all is necessary. There was some purpose what - cannot remember, and it very much torments my frozen soul. I collect the thoughts, I say to myself that all in my hands, more precisely, in the head, and again I go forward.

to

It is cold... Well, why it is so cold? I looked at myself, is dressed, apparently, warmly. A mink coat, I remembered that I laid out a round sum for this magnificent “jacket“. On the head the fur cap from the same mink, a style is called somehow ridiculously, “kubanka“ seems - but to me goes. Standing Finnish boots, high, beautiful and too awfully expensive. It was For some reason remembered that my friend Lerka then told me: “Anything special...“ and at eyes lit up and suddenly went out, the mood at Lerka deteriorated at once, and we went home, I - happy with the had effect, she - gloomy, probably, with envy because never to buy such boots to it. And I went then by the car and thought that it is time to finish our relations which deteriorated completely after I began to earn in 10 times more, than Lerka. And who advised it to get rid of pregnancy - I. And it to me then what answered?

- Is not present

, Ol, I so cannot. I consider that this murder.

- But you will give up as a bad job the career, we are with you what, all these years in vain stooped?. And now such that you will pass, any more never you will return time.

is shorter than

, Lerka did not obey me, and our interests in different directions dispersed. And now I am a free woman, I do not need anything, even I help the same Lerka. More than once lent money. And even without percent. And, how many things from my clothes removed to Lerkin - not to count. Yes, she was lucky that after the delivery it did not turn into “hulk“, probably such constitution. And here I should be constantly in good shape: slightly relaxed, and trousers in an oblipochka, and even are not clasped. Saves a healthy lifestyle, fitness, a sauna... Here now in a sauna, there so warmly, and at me already fingers became stiff in these Finnish boots, can indeed “anything special“.

Lerka changed boyfriends as gloves, I, of course, too did not lag behind it, but all came across to it some careful, perhaps. Dressed it, fed from supermarkets, and one even took to Seychelles. It arrived from there angry as the dog, says that clamped some naborchik which attracted it from stones. More they did not meet.

A Lerka did not despond, the bathroom equipment found from rage to itself, he to it came - she conceived to change something there in a bathroom. Domenyalis, means. So with it also lives, gave rise here, undersigned. The wedding was not what there a wedding, money is not enough for anything. For a salary of the plumber especially you will not clear up. Now wears the belongings which remained from the best times and waits for my tips. Well, nothing, the end will come from this party soon. It is necessary to tear, it is necessary, too we are not equal to steel. To it it is necessary to look for girlfriends among other social group now.

My God, my hands! For some reason did not take a glove, and in pockets a silk lining, I cannot any more... Where I go, why, and in general what the street is? Went, it seems, on Garden, and now I will understand nothing, I do not know as though I am in other city. And with memory something not as it is told, I remember here, here I do not remember.

- Mother!

me with men was somehow not lucky

A. More precisely, them was much, there can be even too much, but all some something ephemeral rather of a one-night. Few times even went to the venereologist, the swine, at once and you will not think, all, it seems, such abrupt. The biggest that I had, is the biennial novel. Then thought that now - that I will marry, I will even give birth to the child - one, we will heal as decent. Ran away, even did not leave a note, did not explain for what why...

- Mother, wait!

Call

some mother, happy, probably. This bowl of the measured happiness somehow passed me, not before was always. Children are not necessary to me. They would be superfluous in my uneasy life. Yes I would also not live then as carefree as now.

- Mother!

I what so to shout at all street? And this “mother“ is good too, the deaf perhaps? It is really so difficult to calm the crying-out child on the street? These snotty sonnies and daughters irritate me! As you will listen, give everything to them, buy everything, and they a glass will not pump then water. Stop, and me - that who will give, to hope there is nobody. But it though is not so offensive, and here when native children hand over in nursing home of the helpless do-good parents - it is already worse. Thank God, it not for me. Till an old age still far, perhaps I will not live up to an immovability.

- Yes mother, wait you!

Is not present

, it is impossible, probably precisely deaf mummy.

- Hey, you! That it I am enough, and well, be unhooked!

- Mother, same I.

- What I to you “mother“? I have no children and go you from here, the girl, you were mistaken, understood!?

- Is not present

, mummy, I recognized you at once, I could not be mistaken, and you said to me that you will come, remember?

- My God, you abnormal, the girl. I have no children! You want, on syllables I will repeat? Well, go the own way, please, leave me alone until to me soiled a fur coat.

Ya unhooked her fingers from the sleeve, even without having looked at it, went further, quickening the pace. But this parshivka did not lag behind, passed to run and stood in me way.

- Mother, a billeting, to us it is necessary to talk, went to us, and that I already froze, saw you, at once ran out, did not even put on absolutely! - this nasty little girl chattered.

It is valid, on it there was only a thin sports suit of color of a sea wave with longitudinal white strips, standing ridiculous red slippers with ears and a muzzle of a young fox. Long light braids, a stubborn bang climbs in eyes.

- What you want from me? That I went with you? But, understand, expensive, I am not your mummy, and you are definitely not my daughter. I repeat again, I never had children - either you, or somebody another. Go home, the darling, and that you will really freeze. Good-bye and farewell, me it is time.

Ya decided to temper justice with mercy, thinking that this abnormal will quicker get rid. But I was mistaken because this wretch also was not going to leave. She took me by hand... My God, as if pulled me current. I wanted, and could not pull out the frozen hand from its palm.

- You who?

- I am your daughter. Let`s go to us, we have heat, I will give to drink you hot tea, we will talk, and then you will leave again, - this strange little one began to chatter again. Intercepted more conveniently my hand, developed me in the opposite direction and I as under hypnosis, went for it.

Ya went and thought that came across someone`s rod what here she will bring me somewhere, I will be undressed and expelled on a frost and what then to do to me? I do not even know where I am that it to the country that for the street, and houses any such. Boxes of glass and concrete not habitual to my understanding. I just now paid attention to it, began to examine them. All houses were built by a letter “P“, a court yard inside, and in everyone the playground occupies all space. All this swing - roundabouts played bright paints. And houses were unusual, are put from the multi-colored bricks forming different patterns, such children on asphalt crayons draw. Naive drawings of first graders are reproduced on walls of all houses. And something else was not so... Windows... Instead of transparent glasses were iridescent as spots of gasoline or oil on asphalt, I do not even know precisely, are poured under sun beams in all flowers of a rainbow. Wow! Where brought me? I will not remember anything similar. In one movie I did not see it, about it did not read anywhere. The mysticism is some.

- We came, it is our house. Come, be not afraid, - seeing that I stopped in indecision, “my daughter“ told.

- Well, well, conduct further, - I fatefully sighed.

We came into the elevator, same cheerful, as well as the house, rose by the seventh floor, left in a pure corridor with a chain of hares on walls and approached to the door with a golubenky upholstery - it was the sky with white clouds in the form of horses. The children`s song about clouds was right there remembered.

the Little girl pushed with

a door, it was not locked.“ Too it is strange“, - it was thought to me, and we entered the apartment.

Holy Christ, two more madcaps, the boy and the girl right there ran out, jumped up and hung on me. Arrived! I got into a madhouse! And I should be rescued, and immediately. Though, itself thrust. And why I only came - disentangle now... I stood, stuck around by children, and was silent, hardly thinking what now to do. It was necessary to get out somehow, that`s it “somehow“. I did not imagine as well as what is told in such ridiculous situations and what is done. I stand and am silent as the silly woman.

That little girl that brought me, admired a scene, and then dragged both, thanks to it big.

- Undress, pass to the room, mother, I will bring tea now. You with what jam love? And that at me only cowberry, you will be? There was a miscellaneous, but children very sweet love, all ate. And to make tea in a cup or in a teapot? You speak, do not hesitate, it is pleasant to me to treat you, for you nobody so will flirt as I. And I so long waited for you, all thought how it will be as you look that you will tell...

of the Word from the little girl and poured. “In half an hour of such stream I will go crazy“ - I thought. Took off the “nichegoshny“ boots, hung up a fur coat but coat hanger, the benefit hung one free. “Or perhaps especially for me“, - the thought suddenly flashed. Accurately put a cap on a bedside table. Looked in a mirror, did up the red hair (my hairdresser is excited, and I was already bothered, it is necessary to recolour), and went to the room.

There on a sofa those two already sat that hung on me in a hall. Eyes sparkle for pleasure, are silent, but physically I feel that they hardly restrain. Hands that did not disturb, probably, thrust under themselves.“ All three different - I thought - absolutely not similar at each other, at first sight, of course“.

Ya sat down in a chair far away from them and began to consider the room in which so unexpectedly it appeared. A high ceiling, from it some paper hand-made articles hang down, the chandelier from color balls for some reason shakes and therefore sometimes these balls face and pleasantly ring. Not bad... In shops I such did not see, maybe, new model? Walls faintly - pink, once were empty and pure, and now all in drawings and applications. As in the museum, probably, it is possible to consider for hours them if suddenly there is such desire, but I am far from it. The furniture is usual, it is slightly less than standard sizes, and too cheerful, in cats and doggies. Struck a huge sports corner. What there was only not. Probably, it is interesting to children to climb there. The big TV is placed in a niche, and the niche was cut out in the form of Mickey Mouse`s head, respectively painted. On a floor a fat carpet, thank God, without any drawings.

Ya started the frozen toes in fluffy pile and blissfully smiled. Children, probably, apprehended my smile as a signal to action because they right there flew from a sofa and appeared about me. Stand, smile and are silent. Senior saved situation, delivered on the cart the smoking cups with tea, cookies in a vase, jam in sockets as I already knew - cowberry.

- Here, mother, tea hot, cooked scorching heat cookies itself, jam, almost before school in the summer, but managed to make everything, and now we eat up already, the next year I will weld on more. Yes you try, it is tasty!.

“As if a leaf you chew

cabbage, - I mentally continued, - here the chatterbox“. But took a cup with tea, clasped it with two hands, hotly, but I will not put, let though fingers will a little get warm. Took a sip, and directly felt how heat spreads, and then to me it became so good that I was ready to reconcile to these abnormal children. And jam cowberry was very tasty, I am not able nothing of that kind. Never baked anything, did not roll up, did not prepare. Not for me it if that it is necessary - I buy in shop and to potter with vegetables, fruit, mushrooms and berries is for family, for house women, and I business, but not procuring point.

Here Lerka somehow asked last summer

whether I have no she, incidentally, of course, some recipes or books on conservation. I then still so looked at it, I remember, and told:“ Rather early something you plunged, the girlfriend, into family routine. Will be to me years 60 then ask, maybe I will give something on old friendship if, of course, on birthday you present such trashy book“.

we Have a laugh then wonderfully well. Picked to pieces to scandal-mongers at work, represented, than they are engaged at the dachas as they there on a lap creep, and in public all such distinguished, highly intellectual natures with extraterrestrial thinking. And jam really tasty.

- Mother, and we here three together live. My God, and I did not even tell how I my name is, for some reason thought what you know. Ania. You liked then this name, I know. You thought at one time of a name for the kid, and even said aloud when there was one.

of Feet, about what it it? I the truth davny - liked long ago this name, but passed already... And to it so much also is.

- You, how many years, Ania?

- Twelve. Will be thirteen in the spring, I thought, you know. And that I thin, so this hereditary, my father...

- Will drop down

, there is nothing to play me, - I jumped, having nearly turned the cart, is some arrangement though I cannot know who could set up me so. And, to some young children... And you are an actress, the girl, the good actress, you will graduate from school, come to GITIS. Everything, say hello to the one who started it.

Here all three rushed to me, clasped all could reach and literally put back in a chair.

- You listen, mummy lovely. It is not draw, all this really, it is simple not in that world where you live. We know, there for us there is no place. Such, as we, here the whole city - from the birth to majority. Then, maturing, they go to other city, I do not know yet where, but I will be sent too when I grow up. Here very few people live one, it only in the beginning, very first. And then, over the years, the family becomes more. Generally two are three, and is also on 10 people. I too lived alone several years, I was helped by seniors from other families, and Olezhka was born then, he good, is only silent. No, you do not think, he is not a freak, just is not able to talk though to it nearly seven, and so he hears everything and understands. It is very clever, you learn if you stay at us longer.

When he was born

, I was told that in its organism a large number of any bad drugs, I do not know how they got there, but he will recover. We very much love Olezhka, he is our brother. And Olyushka (I her so called it in your honor) - it is a clear head, the quiet, talented girl, it painted walls at the elevator in a corridor. Said to me that Olyushka will be very famous artist. I store all its drawings if you want, look, I will show you...

Ya sat in a chair and listened to an infinite flow of words which sense reached me badly, more precisely did not reach at all. On me the total apathy to all events suddenly pulled hard, everything was indifferent for me and in parallel. So, stop, this word - “in parallel“ - it not incidentally arose of me in the head. And here I began to understand something in all events. But how I - that got here? Stepped over a common ground of the worlds? The head gradually became “square“. To me to drink something now or to smoke a sigarette, but I for some reason was without handbag. And you should not even ask children and it is so clear that anything there is no it.

I suddenly so wanted to press them to myself, I gave hands and embraced all three. They are my, my... I understood it.

A children cried. Embraced me and cried. Olezhka suddenly raised the blubbered face and is silent - said in low tones: “Ma - ma“. Olthe yushka silently ironed my hand, and Ania, having nestled on my cheek, whispered: “We very much love you. Forgive us, mother!“

... Cold... Well why it is so cold? Again I left opened a window leaf, and not May... And a blanket on a floor...