To endure divorce, it is necessary to get rid of “a complex of the victim“
For the person divorce, change, treachery - almost always the moment unexpected. Unexpectedly it turns out that darling lived life some. Each of two lived life. One lived in the world of illusions, imagining that everything is clear, good, safe. And the second as unexpectedly it becomes clear, lived with some heavy burden. whetherCan not notice
that the person living near you has some complex feelings? Means what sense organ is not enough, any important level of proximity is absent. If you did not notice it, perhaps, the relations in your family were quite superficial. People live in many families, without trying to learn each other depth. Just like that treachery does not happen! Anyway, there has to be some soil. If you chose in companions of the person, so in him there are main sincere qualities, virtues? Most likely, you did not choose the bad person, correctly? Bad are not born, become them. Perhaps, you just did not notice that did not give the rest of something to the person? It seems to me, those husbands, wives who received everything that it is necessary for them in a family very seldom leave...
It is frequent at the moment when the soulmate declares to us desire of divorce, eyes reveal, and we understand what we did not so, we feel the mistakes more sharply, we recognize those claims which spouses (spouse) were stated to us earlier. It seems to us that, having realized it, we will be able already not to repeat former mistakes that we already others that if it is possible to keep a family, life will be happier.
But even if the one who wants divorce allows a possibility of return, hardly at once he will believe us after many disappointments. And if first “informal conversation“ did not take place or did not lead to anything, at desire to return the husband (wife), we have to try not to break off contact, to maintain the relations, to look for a key.
The other day I had a client with a similar situation. 3 months as the wife left, and on all attempts of the spouse to return her she builds barriers: any sms, any gifts, “I solved everything“. But there very confused situation. Very much! And all - he continues to make all possible attempts for rapprochement. And he does right thing.Because the distance is farther than
, the more people wean from each other. It is better to keep in contact, not to do a big pause in the relations. Some gifts, attention signs. All the time to remind the person of itself. First of all, really, to confess. The person who did not realize the flaws, misfires will not be able to change and change a situation. And if the one who left allows you before communication with it, so he watches you and will see that you change.
stereotypic reaction of the person to offense - reciprocal offense: short circuit, leaving in. And so I seek to show to the person that I did not take offense. I all the same love you though you so, bluntly, also decided to finish our relations.
Some married couples for years live in a condition of uncertainty, on the verge of divorce. But all - this situation more promotes “peaceful settlement“ of problems, than a state when one of two already declares divorce. If the word “divorce“ was not heard yet, it is necessary to take a situation in hand and to do everything possible to return love to the relations. As you have a possibility of communication so far, and you can by peace, diplomatic talks, amicably find out what prevents both of you to be happy...
If divorce already came true, the one who left, already lives with the new partner, often there is a new problem. We lack determination to put the end in the history of our relations. But we have to put this end and begin new life. We have to make all necessary to endure divorce. If contacts with the former spouse which concern us continue, awaken in us hope for his return, it is better to take courage and to stop these contacts.
After the termination of communication with the former spouse some women, especially advanced age, hurry to enter new marriage, being afraid to lose appeal. But the soul is not ready to it, part it in the past yet. In this situation it is not necessary to demand from himself impossible. If the most part of your life was connected with this person, was enclosed in him so much, in only a few weeks, months to etch from itself huge layer of life - purely psychologically it very difficultly. To take and to cross out at once after divorce everything that was good, - it it is necessary to be the robot or some “superhero“.
It will occur by itself, but not at once. The quicker the person realizes event lessons, will define for himself problems of future life, rather there will be this “reanimation“. For now it is necessary to occupy itself with something useful.to
to Emergence of the new relations after divorce is quite often disturbed by the mistrust to people which arose after treachery, uncertainty in itself. On all individuals of an opposite sex the label, apparently, is hung up that all of them “such - syaky“. Of course, it is necessary to work with these fears, to leave them. If the person does not endure parting pain, will not cope with it, will keep offense, then he, most likely, will repeat former mistakes and will meet such person with whom everything will repeat. Therefore it is necessary to get rid of it “a complex of the victim“.
Reconcile to the fact that at you in life the new strip began. New life - it is always better, than old. Because we have an opportunity to leave some negative moments, and to take the best with ourselves. As some people have a tradition before Christmas to throw out old things, and we can throw out what was the cause of our sufferings to which we got used. And to go forward with those positive moments, with that experience which we gained in former life. It as with laying of a backpack or suitcase before travel. Good to take in the road. To bad not to come back. And with this baggage - forward. With an ulybochka.If after divorce remained
children, we have to make everything that they had spiritual wounds as little as possible.
First of all, it is necessary not to impart this upset, negative attitude to the former spouse to children. For children that mother that the father - one. It is necessary in every possible way to try to acquit the spouse, even in spite of the fact that at present he does not correspond to those good words which we tell about it. whetherCan be compensated to
somehow what is not received as a hobby by the child, having been left without mother or the father?
Of course, it is very difficult for woman or man to pass from one role into another, to be a father, to be mother. Better for the spouse who remained with children to care for being spiritually strong person. Not to be irritable, hysterical. To be quiet and peace. Remaining warm and tender mother, the woman will be able to defend then firmly those bases of outlook which will save the child from big mistakes.
If you are a mother, you have a boy, usually advise to find the man who will be for it an authority. Either the sports trainer, or the father in the temple which could talk periodically to the child and set it an example of the correct man`s behavior.to
Sometimes women, coming across in a trap of age and being afraid to remain lonely, choose the new spouse, not absolutely adequately, without reckoning with opinion of the children, without thinking of whether the new husband the good, loving father to her children will be. But whether there can be a woman happy if her children are unfortunate?
also the return Happens. When children already at teenage age, they can be selfish and not think of happiness of mother. Just today I had on reception a woman who appeared in such situation. Once long ago it was thrown by the man, she remained with the girl and devoted all the life to her education. In life there were many difficulties. And here at last, when she is about 40 years old, she met the good person who fell in love with it, and to whom she takes a liking too. And the daughter in no way does not want to let in this man their family. Why she has to follow the tastes of the daughter? Especially as still this woman did not live for herself. Parents patients were, the daughter needed to be put on legs.
Therefore different situations happen, there are no universal recipes. Externally the situation can be typical, and know better - and much essential nuances open. Here in that situation which I mentioned the woman, in my opinion, should not reckon with opinion of the daughter. And in other situation, on the contrary, “children and fools speak the truth“, and this person is unworthy you. In conclusion there is a wish to tell one: always rejoice! Despite everything, it is always necessary to go forward, without being afraid of difficulties. Yes, the course of life is connected with a krestonosheniye, and it is necessary to remember that the cross is our flag victorious. Therefore with this flag it is necessary to go safely further, forward, without looking back...