Sexual violence: how to save the children
Cannot be told that generally but often this subject concerns parents of girls... Sexual violence. In the majority of the countries sexual contacts of adults with children are a crime. In our country there are talks about reconsidering punishment for tyrants over children towards its toughening now. Deputies already introduced the bill of toughening of criminal liability for sexual violence over children.
That parents can make to save the child or if (God forbid!) there was a trouble, to help it to get rid of a nightmare?
In - the first, it is necessary to get rid in the beginning of influence of myths and stereotypes which surround this difficult subject.
, and the child invented everything. Parents in this case should know that children seldom lie about it. Therefore it is necessary to pay attention to the message of the child on violence at once.
the Popular belief that tyrants more often are foreign people. Nevertheless, statistically, in 75 - 90 percent cases the violence is made by people whom children well know and to whom trust. In more than 50 percent of the proved violence it is made by fathers, stepfathers and other family members. These are only the recorded data. It is no secret that many cases are just suppressed and do not reach justice.
As for the harm done to the child by the tyrant, matter not only in sexual contact. The violence bears with itself the huge emotional harm resulting from the experiences caused by treachery of trust and loss of the childhood. The child can have feeling of isolation, shame, alarm, lack of own importance. At this moment the help of the expert - the psychologist is obligatory, otherwise these feelings will remain with the child for the rest of life.
At the child who fell a victim of sexual violence the behavior changes. Therefore attentive and sensitive parents will be able to suspect wrong at once.
Prick up the ears if:the child without the reason became too disturbing
- , sleeps badly, it dreams nightmares or he shouts at night;
- violation of habits appeared (for example, enuresis), the child complains of an itch or pain in genitals;
- children (as a rule, small) can have a fear at the sight of the adult with a certain figure or a hair color; the obvious unwillingness to remain alone with someone from familiar adults or family members (unfortunately, and such cases are frequent
- ). In one of newspapers the terrifying story somehow got to me that corrupted juvenile children... own grandfather. The old wretch frightened them and became impudent to the fact that he took away children “to watch animated cartoons“ just to the neighboring room, and in another there were their parents and the grandmother at this time. The first in a situation the daughter-in-law understood, but by then the notable mental loss was already caused to kids.
- at children unmotivated flashes of aggression or rage began to appear;
- the child shows the sexual knowledge which are not corresponding to age, etc.
- sometimes the child can tell about the injuring situation from the third party “it happened to my friend“, even to compose the tale of the prince and the princess who did not want to kiss it. Too it is better not to disregard such inventions.
By the way, not always preservation of a secret of violence is followed by intimidation. Happens, the tyrant tries to shift sense of guilt for the incident to the child, “beats on pity“, the close relative can ask to be silent, “because he will be put in prison“.
Wants to be told also that small children do not understand sense of actions of the adult, that is the sexual sense of actions does not reach them. The fact that “with it not so“, as a rule, the child begins to realize something when actions of the tyrant are found. Parents need to act on this stage especially carefully. The longer the injuring situation for the child lasted, the heavier and more he will leave it. Without the assistance of the psychologist not to manage.
So if you found out that the child underwent violence. Be quiet. In many respects depends on your reaction as the child will endure a situation. Do not condemn him, he is not guilty of anything. If the anger or condemnation are your reaction, it will put it still a big trauma. Quietly and attentively listen to the child, show that you understand all weight of his experiences. Calm, tell that it is not guilty of anything, let know that you love it. Try to learn the facts, but do not extort the data violently, the child has to tell everything voluntarily. A mistake will tell something it seems “nothing terrible happened, everything will pass“.
In - the first, you so do not consider, and the child will feel falseness why his pain will only become more severe. Discuss with the child (if of course it can be made owing to his age) that you are going to do and whether he agrees to go to the psychologist, to militia. Do not force to do what the child is not ready to yet, help it to find a former way of life better. Call by a telephone hotline - will prompt to you where you will be able to address in this situation.
to Address to militia - or not... Everyone resolves this issue. Of course, on the one hand, there is a wish to forget quicker this nightmare, but with another - if not to call the tyrant to account - how many still lives it will cripple? And if such monster appeared in your family - that as you will look then in the face to the child?
It is terrible when it is found out that a tyrant is the father, the stepfather, the brother. For the woman (the wife, mother) it is a situation difficult, but she has to make a choice unambiguous. Suppressing a situation, not being implicated, some thus try “to rescue a family“, “not to take out quarrels from a log hut“. But about what family can there be a speech here? The daughter regards such behavior from mother as treachery which, most likely, will not be able to forgive subsequently. If in time the good psychologist does not interfere, such girls grow up in women with a low self-assessment, they to be afraid and avoid men, are not able to build the relations, feel “unworthy“, “dirty“, are not able to tell “no“. They are at the same time and to be afraid of violence, and expect it. Such women often are exposed again to violence from - for the of “behavior of the victim“.
Happens, the consciousness “disconnects“ memories of the endured violence (it can be if the child is rather small), but then the injuring memoirs can emerge in years, be shown in behavior, nightmares and so forth. It will be necessary to work with it, without expecting that “itself will pass“. There are many approaches in psychology and psychotherapy to help to cope with a situation not to allow the endured nightmare further to influence your life.