Energy of anger
Anger - a strong and mixed feeling. It is considered what to be angry - badly as it leads to fights, offenses, quarrels. However not for nothing there are expressions “just anger“, “sports rage“.
Similar experiences are often necessary to cope with a difficult task, to defend the opinion.
the Anger arises in response to an event which is not pleasant to the person. Then at the corporal level heartbeat increases, muscles strain, breath becomes more frequent. Small children can shout, fight, rush objects. Children are more senior begin to be called, spat. Teenagers can restrain and even to smile, despite storming in feeling, and can behave as small.to
meanwhile, much of us it is known that at positive effect the anger will mobilize internal forces of an organism. It quite often helps to overcome itself, to protect weak. And athletes in such state even set up new records.
the Fighter and the meek creature
This difficult feeling - one of the basic emotional fortune which are come into by us in the course of evolution from animals. In fauna the anger is necessary to survive, cope with the enemy, to become the leader of pack.
However in the world of people other laws take place.
To me parents of twins Oleg and Nikolay, boys of 7,5 years came to consultation. Children were very different. Olezhek liked to consider books, played quiet games, obeyed mother, avoided active sports, was rather afraid of high ladders, always gave the things to other children even if not really wanted it., on the contrary, games preferred Kohl`s
noisy and mobile, protested against any parental remark, fought with schoolmates if he something was not pleasant, interceded for the brother, was a ringleader in games, on the street was afraid of nothing. Naturally, adults were disturbed by it. Though Olezhek was angry at all not less - just he was accustomed to restrain and in seven years had headaches.
the Help was required for both. The reasons of their rage were not really clear to both that, and another. Neither that, nor another were able to express it adequately. Both a fight, and full control of all the desires - ways inefficient.
Oil in fire
Usually adults urge children to be angry at all never or not to express the experiences in any way. And then every time when the child tests anger (but he cannot but test it - it is the physiological mechanism which is started in any situation which is not satisfying the person), he begins to think that there is with it something not that, is ashamed of himself and, as a result, falls into even big rage.
However depending on temperament and personal features someone is angry generally with himself, and someone - is exclusive on people around. What can parents that the son or the daughter learned to understand make, from - about what they worry, and in a civilized way to express anger?
first step: to call aloud
If the child came angry of school or from the street, then it is very important to call aloud what you see: “In my opinion, you are angry with something or with someone“. The school student, in everything accusing others, most likely, quickly enough will tell in paints what bad people surround him.
the Child hiding experiences can not admit what occurred at once. Unfortunately, it often occurs from - for the fact that he is afraid of parental condemnation so it is necessary to make efforts that it “get to talking“. It is possible to tell directly:“ I will not abuse you. Just I see that something occurred. Also I want to help“.
Step of the second: to join feelings of the child
Unfortunately, in most cases we bypass this important point and at once we pass to councils. Then, however, very much we are surprised that after ours in every respect the correct recommendations instead of gratitude we receive a cry: “You do not understand me!“ The matter is that having only joined feelings of the child, we really help to be released, calm down and open with them for constructive discussion.
When the child becomes angry, he often speaks about that, as if wanted to revenge the offender. Other option of behavior - sincere belief that life ended also an exit only one now - to die. Both that, and another actually are indicators of strong experiences.
to Parents should voice understanding of these strong emotions. For example:“ It is felt that you are so angry that it is ready to cause the offender many troubles“. Or:“ When you get into an unpleasant situation moreover in full view of all class, really there is a wish to vanish into thin air once and for all“.Such comments parents, on the one hand, show
to the child that they are really ready to listen and help. And with another, expand its ideas of what really touched and was the reason of anger. Children often not really understand what so strongly angered them.
Step the third: to express anger
Once again I will repeat, the rage is put in us by the nature in order that the person could protect himself in case of danger. If constantly to constrain it, then not dissipated tension collects in certain zones of a body, forming muscular clips, spasms. As a result, there is a feeling sick, various pains, the school student begins to study worse. Therefore it is so important “to be exempted“ from anger and rage in time. It is clear, that a fight, the abuse, spittles, stings are low blows. However it is important that real action was made. It is possible to ask the child to express a sound and the movement rage which he tests at present. Let it will be a wild cry, growl, stamping legs, beating of a pillow, a fling of soft cubes in a wall.chalk or a pencil Is also recommended to take
in the left hand (or in both) and to draw the anger, and then a sheet of paper to crumple, tear. It is healthy if the parent makes the same together with the son or the daughter. If it is possible to be teased really sincerely, then the child will quickly calm down and will be ready to considering how to live further.
Step the fourth: to discuss the incident
it is worth talking in quiet tone Now that actually touches the child. All are pushed, for example, in a school corridor, but not all from - for it are angry. Usually behind such strong emotions there are experiences connected with own uncertainty, desire to be the leader, to win respect of peers and so on. Having revealed true motives, it is possible to find a way of their satisfaction.to
It is important also to learn to express the rage in “the lawful way“. It is possible to draw, for example, caricatures on the offender. Or to find in it something rather ridiculous and to tell with humour about it houses to mother. Or once again to remember all situation and to think up as it differently can end.If such scheme of behavior to adhere to
constantly, then the child will learn to cope with anger. And also he will understand what, actually, happens to it, and will manage to explain it to others. He will be able to express rage in the acceptable ways, without harm to and to people around. And that is important, it will acquire for itself(himself) various options of an exit from a difficult situation.