Mother and the stepmother (part 4) of
it is frequent this mother just remained lonely, did not construct new happiness, and now only out of envy tries to spoil life to the spouse. It is, so to speak, the simplest option. But happens and so that mother does not want to destroy a new family of the ex-husband at all. She wants to return herself the child.
As so, pier? Gave it at divorce, and now - back? What supposedly a grazhdanochka, you is so lightweight approach this question? And “grazhdanochka“ here and at anything. Often it happens when someone from people around knows that this woman has a child whom at divorce she left to the father. In total! Quiet life it in our society will not be: not only that to everyone there is a business before others private life, so also is claimed that this woman broke certain unwritten laws, for what shame to it and a shame!
Yes, happens that the woman at divorce gives children to the father under the influence of rough pressure, blackmail go just from - for desires that she was left alone... And when adjustable tension passes, opominatsya and tries to return the child. But it happens, as a rule, shortly after divorce. And if the father has already other family and they live together not the first year, and suddenly the woman in years tries to return the child again - here a situation most likely another: tortured its public opinion. Yes as you could and what you are a mother... Also rushed. Yes what to you put why it left the child to the father! Remember a parable about the tsar Solomon, eventually. Many women act this way for the love of the child (but not from - behind that of attachment to result of the work): the pier, at the father will be better for it. With what work they make this decision - One man`s guess is as good as another`s. But most often - it is heavy. They go, it is possible to tell., on a feat from - for love to the child. And you begin to finish them absence of this love!
And if fathers at us are restrained in the right for children - mothers become restrained in case they gave these children. As a rule, nobody watches whether allow mother to see the child, do not help it with it: threw - itself is guilty! The woman is emotionally humiliated - that love with which absence she is reproached directed her... And even that “the business partnership“ in education which is recommended to fathers is impossible here: because there is no equality between the new and old wife. As it is known, if the stronger sex competes in the social sphere, then women - in family, and in particular, in intimate. Therefore the second wife can always tell my husband you threw and chose me - therefore I am more main than you. And on any equal beginnings I will not cooperate with you! Thus the mother initially is considered lost in a new family of the husband. Whether it is worth being surprised to the fact that after such moral beatings the woman breaks and begins to steal the child including by criminal methods, begins to rush into a family of the former spouse literally? Yes she needs to communicate to the child only. And say to it that she threw it that she is a cuckoo... Eventually will bring to the fact that it will break also on such words: “Yes I do not need this child and I can not see him at all and you choke with him! (yes, and even so)... Carefully! It not words, is emotions, and it is impossible to perceive them seriously: it she convinces herself. Because differently not in forces to leave the child and from a hail of moral pokes and humiliations... And one “clever“ father recorded words of mother with the tape recorder (when she thus broke by phone) and allowed to listen to the disputable child who already was 10 years old (and she left it chest). And then the child with fire in a look told:“ Yes what it to me mother! I as such words heard, so I do not love it any more“... Of course, the father can be understood. It on poverty of intellect and weakness of soul did not find other methods of communication with the former spouse, except as same notorious “a swinging the child“... As a result all lost in this situation. And other woman driven to despair threatened “to strangle the child that anybody got him“. It too manifestation of emotions as way of opposition to pressure...
Alas, an exit again on social, but not at the personal level. Allow the woman most to solve whether to leave the child to the father, and do not blame her for the made decision! Certainly, nobody to it after pro-procession of many years after voluntary refusal of the child of this child will pull out from a fatherly family and back will give. But it is dishonourable and indecent to brand it for it. Thus society provokes the conflicts in the environment, and then says that at us everything is so bad and restless... If the person has no private life, he is interested the stranger. And here it is in this regard really safer to watch soap operas, than to pick to pieces to the divorced neigbour who gave the child to the former spouse.
If take away freedom from the person - wait for revolt of slaves
But if whether any exits in scales of a concrete family? Yes, is.
- of First . Already mentioned binuklearny family. Here its theoretical advantage - the fact that mother has the equal rights for communication with the child and is not present humiliated and oskoblenny...
- Second . Mother should become by all means the reasonable egoist (not an egotsentristka, and many confuse that). That is to take care in the beginning of the personal wellbeing. And very much can be if it finds personal happiness, the child for it will not be so painfully significant and a gossip of people around will not be perceived so sharply.
- Third . And without wishing to the stepmother, that is the second wife in whose family unfortunate mother interferes (sometimes it, it is exclusive under the influence of emotions) - first of all it is worth taking care of safety of children. Many stepmothers meet requirements of the first wife, suggesting to become her girlfriend. Consider: it is so atypical that most often looks as mockery. Certainly, the father does not need to stand aside, too however and not to apply power methods in relation to the first wife, especially in the face of the second. At least, it is necessary to remove sharpness of the conflict first of all. And then already to improve the new relations between all. And the binuklearny family just on such heat is impossible.
In any case, it is necessary for peaceful resolution of the conflict of the mother that her refusal of the child was sincere and voluntary, but not squeezed out. That it was happy then and - is independent of public opinion. The easiest it is given to women at whom “man`s“ - a strong and independent warehouse of the personality.
By the way, about strong and man`s. To the father - that how to be?
First of all to ensure safety of a family. At least, besides you should not leave women to the mercy of fate to sort out the relations: a pier, women will understand. It is simple understand they can so that very sensitively will get also to a subject of contentions - the child, and other subject of contentions - the man...
Was called the man - polezay in a body
Be that defender for whose role you apply. Because in a family really dangerous situation for all your relatives, but not just ordinary “babsky dismantling“. Eventually, if you really love at least one of these two women (and it is unimportant, what) - ensure safety to both. Without speaking about safety of the child. And by the way, it is often possible to define here that. If the man waved on these two women a hand and told that supposedly will understand - means, both of them to him equally others and to him all the same what will be with everyone...
If the stepson and the stepmother have a big age difference, otherwise, of the relation mother - the son - that problems of sexual relationship the same, as at the mother with the son. Here only if the woman seeks to prove to the boy that he the most native and for this purpose zalaskivat him and zatiskivat - the boy can grow up with inadequate sexual feeling. However, the zatiskivaniye is not good for any boy. And even from the mother...I Will remind
, by the way, that the stepson for certain has a father. And if this father helps the wife to raise the son - problems practically never happen (sexual). And by the way, if the boy sees gentle and careful attitude of the father to the stepmother as to the wife - he perceives her as mother. Another thing is that often the woman is not satisfied in a family, and transfers the love to the son. But it happens not only to the stepmother - and to the mother. However, if the son not native, but the stepmother is young, there can be problems.
A more often happens and not love, but the mutual hatred expressed, however, it is very peculiar.
If the stepmother appeared in a family when the boy was already a teenager - he will pursue policy of active replacement, and will not even think that it is, in effect, the attractive woman. If seems to it that it takes away from it the father - he will see in it the enemy and the competitor. Let`s tell as though the closest friend married and ceased to communicate with former friends: how to treat his wife? Only as to the finished bitch who tore off the good guy from healthy collective...
It is frequent stepsons - teenagers try to take away the stepmother from the father, having palmed off on it other man. And even provoke “a change situation“ and that the father saw... The boy`s purpose - that the father divorced and again they lived together. But the direct seducing most often will not be: the guy just will not have meanness. Boys most often learn to work openly. It will also lead open war with the stepmother. Especially if the father in such situation tries “to love all equally“. What at it as it is already clear, will not turn out.However the proximity of the stepmother happens to
to the stepson, and most often it is provoked by the woman`s dissatisfaction in marriage. But not therefore it snatched on the young man! Motives here others:
- be answerable for the impotent man - the daddy;
- revenge to the husband: here, you do not love me, so I will have your child;
- again to the husband: I will change you with your son, besides I will incite the son against you.
If the stepson perceives the stepmother as one of many fatherly women and if the stepmother is young, the sonny will want to approach it only to compete with the father. Because friendship friendship and when the sonny grew up (as a rule, it is 16 - 18 years). They with the father already have competitive relations: sharing of a role of the head of the family. And if between the father and the son rivalry was about to happen, the sonny can quite crush the father what will attempt upon his wife - especially if the father does not perceive her as the one and only spouse and mother of the child and as one of many girlfriends...
Thus, everything put in relationship of the father with the son and in background of the family relations of the father and stepmother. If there everything strongly costs on the places and the relations of parents are not strained - the conflict will not be. If the child sees mother in the father`s wife, but not the casual acquaintance - too nothing terrible happens. And again, as do not twirl, the defining personality - the father. Therefore to fathers before fighting for children yes then still to marry again, it is worth understanding and weighing what responsibility they undertake and as far as from them there will be a demand. It will not be possible to sit out aside, do not hope!