Emotional intelligence: how to use it?
our emotions are the benefit or something, disturbing in life? Modern researchers consider: neither that, nor another, emotions - only the tool which should learn to use.
Creators of various theories of emotions usually argue that initially: physiological reaction causes emotion, or emotion causes physiological reaction. In other words, we are frightened when adrenaline is thrown out, or adrenaline is thrown out when we are frightened?
But how scientists answered this question, communication is available: emotions are given to the person to help to regulate the behavior. Especially negative emotions and to especially ancient person. Why? Researchers assume that:
- the ancient person had disgust, most likely, seeing or trying something badly smelling. Therefore the wrinkled nose and the bent upper lip as still Darwin assumed, demonstrate involuntary attempt to hold a nose not to catch a smell;
- experiencing surprise, the person raises eyebrows. So on a retina more light gets, therefore, it is possible to collect more visual information on the unusual event which caused surprise; to
- at fear or a stress emits adrenaline, heartbeat as a result becomes frequent, there is a narrowing of vessels of muscles. In a word, adrenaline dictates:“ Battle or escape“.
, but only during a way the puppy managed to grow up. Life strongly changed: those conditions to which we had to adapt by means of the described emotions sank irrevocably. And corporal expression of emotions becomes useless or in general begins to disturb us.you Judge
: emission of adrenaline demands physical activity, and social norms dictate to the modern person quietly and to adequately endure a stress (for example, at work): not to tear, not to throw, on people not to throw and not to run away from a source of a stress. To food we revolt more and more seldom, now our disgust belongs to area of moral more and more. We habitually screw up the face though it is already absolutely optional. It is possible to experience surprise from visible objects unless in circus of a chapiteau. Much more often now not visual information is a surprise source.
Turns out what emotions - heavy and not too - that necessary heritage of ancestors? Well, many so thought, and many were burned on it.
of Emotion right now
By 15 years Tamara had reputation of the skilled maiden in a class: she changed guys each three months and could not imagine - as it is possible: not to oversleep with the admirer on the first appointment. Expression “to become closer“ she took absolutely literally instead of just talking and finding common interests. To Inna 24, she has the feature: it cannot distinguish fear or anger for hunger. Therefore she every time prefers “to jam“ a stress, disappointment, offense. Sixteen-year-old Grisha - a thunder-storm of all school, including teachers. From Grisha it is easily possible to be hit in an ear even for an innocent question: “What is the time?“ . For it aggression - the only form of communication with world around.
That the general between these people? All of them do not realize own emotions and, as a result, is not able to regulate them. And the word “regulate“ should not be understood how “to extinguish“ or “keep a tight rein“. Treat regulation of emotions:
- Ability to give the name to the emotions and to distinguish one from another.
- the Developed empathy - that is, ability to react adequately to emotional inquiries of those with whom it is necessary to communicate.
- Ability is flexible to react at communication.
- I only in the last turn regulation of emotions is an ability to moderate “an emotional storm“, to extinguish the aggression and frustration. >
It is considered li that the special kind of intelligence is responsible for all these skills: emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence: it exists?
about 100 Years ago the intelligence did not raise any questions: it was a synonym of mental capacities. But it was worth reflecting what, actually, these most mental capacities consist of as it became very interesting to live. The intelligence began to be split up: besides the general abilities, there was a practical intelligence, verbal intelligence, “ability to work in mind“ and many other things.
the Term “emotional intelligence“ appeared relatively recently (in 1990) and caused, on the one hand, strong interest, and with another - there are a lot of complaints in professional community. On the one hand, frivolous some kind of intelligence, and on the other hand, importance of management of emotions is obvious.by
When with emotional intelligence not very well
Since 40 - x years of the last century, repeatedly conducted researches which purpose was to reveal communication of school or university academic achievements with further successful or unsuccessful life of pupils. Every time results did not keep within in any regularity: one are successful - others are not present, one are happy with the imperceptible life - others are disappointed, despite of serious progress, one waste mad efforts to achievement of own purposes, everything comes to others easily. Everything is right: school estimates never were and will not become an indicator of how the person copes with vital difficulties.
- Confidence: feeling of possession of the body and behavior.
- Inquisitiveness, desire to learn about new.
- Ability to work purposely.
- Ability to contact to others.
- Ability to communicate.
- Mutual aid, ability to correlate the requirements to requirements of group.
Unfortunately or fortunately, for achievement of the purposes now nearly the most important - ability to get on with people: to understand others reaction and to be able to predict it, to agree and cooperate, be pleasant for people around, at last. It turns out not at all: there are things which do not promote it.
Immunity to nonverbal signals. Occurs approximately at every tenth child: this bad feeling of personal space of the interlocutor, inability to come into visual contact, inability to begin, to support or in time to finish conversation, incorrect interpretation of a look of the interlocutor.
the Behaviour connected with leaving from the conflict. the People feeling the unloved, lonely, burdened cares are not inclined to contacts with people around at all. They prefer to be depressed alone, than to try to resolve the problems.
Aggression. Aggressive nobody loves - neither children, nor especially adults. The people who chose aggression as basic (and sometimes and only) reaction to all events, quickly enough appear in isolation.
How to improve the emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence is not a reality, it is the same skill as, for example, ability to consider or ride a bicycle. And as any skill, it is possible to develop it. How?
- Any emotions have to be conscious. Negative emotions - especially. You can lie to anyone, but not yourself, especially when business concerns socially acceptable behavior. You have the right to admit to yourself (and to nobody any more):“ This movie is considered the ridiculous tearful melodrama, but it awfully touched me“.
- As at you is with a lexicon? Whether many words you use for designation of feelings? Try to transfer ten any emotions quickly. If you got stuck after “napryagalovo“, “ofigeniye“ and “mad“, is time to be engaged in expansion of a lexicon. Otherwise, how it is possible to learn to distinguish one feelings from others if for them there are even no names?
- What in general emotions happen, it is possible to learn from people around. Moreover: absolutely it is even quite good to be aware of feelings of those people with which you communicate. You are sure that for hundred percent their emotions are known to you? And if to take an interest? Or if to share the feelings and to ask response?
- Surrounding - in general a perennial spring of a variety of emotional reaction. It is remembered, well-known Homer Simpson reduced Bart`s education to one: with a cry “Ah you, the little stinker“ started smothering him. In life such behavior does not look so comically. Observe people around: in what ways they react to requirements, to claims, to pleasant news, to aggression, to compliments. Find (for a start mentally) new ways of reaction to standard situations. What feelings they can express?
- As at you is with a control locus? It is considered that the internal locus of control (there is a feeling that a lot of things in life depend on you, but not from circumstances) strongly promotes development of emotional intelligence.