Rus Articles Journal

Family or career, profession or motherhood? Mikhail Zhvanetsky syronizirovat

once:“ You are a woman, you have to: time to lie, two, being silent“, - having expressed, thus, all absurdity of stereotypes of female and man`s behavior in our society. Like, if you are a woman, then your place, figuratively speaking in a bedroom and in kitchen, you have to be engaged in a family and submit to will of the man. The man acts as the getter and the master.

Probably, for it is primitive - a communal system it was very right. She sits in a cave, in a literal sense protects the center and takes care of children, and the man goes shooting, looks for livelihood, drags a mammoth carcass to support a family. Without options. Though, it is possible to assume that even then there were certain women breaking traditional idea of a female share who went shooting on an equal basis with men. Who knows?.

I in later history, at various times...

What to speak about the modern world? We know a set of examples of very successful women - politicians, actors, the businesswoman - devoted themselves to a profession or perfectly combining career and a family.

As well as it is a lot of those who chose for themselves an honourable role of the housewife, mother of family (or the householder and the father - there are also such). Unless it is bad? No, of course not! That`s wonderful!

It is bad when society imposes to the members certain gender roles whether retreat from which is equated slightly to a crime. It is bad when people are limited in the choice of a course of life. It conducts to many broken destinies, unfortunate families, defective children...

By the way, today in our society just - the opinion occurs that the woman has to get on well at all fronts - both to pit to do, and to earn money, and to raise children, and economy of a message. And, the traditional male role - so to say, the getter and the consumer - remains almost invariable. But unless it is fair? As far as it is feasible for the woman? What physical, moral, psychological overworks she tests, trying “to embrace immensity“?

It is time for p to think of these problems already seriously. It is necessary to break a similar state of affairs, to enter into culture of society concept of a freedom of choice for everyone. And also valid, really partnership of the husband and wife in a family. Probably, only then any of women will be able to find balance between career and a family, a profession and motherhood. Or safely to choose that most of all to liking, without fear of condemnation from people around, needlessly continually to prove it the right for self-determination.


It is brought to your attention expert opinions on the matter. Participate in discussion: the famous psychologist Ekaterina Mikhaylova and Nifont Dolgopolov

Mikhaylova Ekaterina Lvovna is the candidate of psychological sciences, the leading representative of psychodrama approach in Russia, the leader Trener Tsentra of training of personnel “Class“, professor of department of World Psychotherapy of MGPPU, the teacher of Lomonosov Moscow State University, the author more than 70 scientific and popular publications:

“I on the last training of family history had the only man - young and successful. To it it was very heavy. And it was so clever and strong that at the end told that in the beginning it had a feeling that it in general not there got that all these psychological laces suit only for the missing housewives. Here all girls on it as were thrown up! Really, to master the house and to raise children is very heavy occupation. It is so designated in society. In general in society is such here stereotypic designations much. For example, everything that is connected with education, maintenance of climate in a family, storage of the family center - it in the broadest sense is classified as a women stuff, and what is connected with the power, the status, coercion, a gain is a man`s business. It is worth looking at structure of students in psychological or pedagogical HIGHER EDUCATION INSTITUTIONS to be convinced of what role is historically attributed to the woman. And not psychologists or teachers created this situation. It exists in our culture.

Proceeding from these sotsio - cultural stereotypes also the image of “good mother“ arises. From where these stereotypes undertook? We inherited them from the mothers and grandmothers, from public opinion. And this opinion tends to change strongly. Therefore silly to be guided by changeable stereotypes, and it is necessary to realize that you want and to make own choice. I very much like to play “real men“ or “the real women“ on groups. Usually certain mythological monsters who exist only behind tormenting real living people turn out. The laughter always happens terrible. People learn to take a detached view critically of the stereotypes, and slowly begin to be guided that there are their own desires and that there are desires introduced from the outside.

Therefore I can tell

the following: to make a conscious choice, it is necessary to understand the true desires, to call in question the standard scenario of female life. It is not necessary to wait for justice, and just to do for itself everything that is possible. To be on friendly terms, love, to be interested in much and different. To change an environment if it interferes with development, to look for and find support and understanding. To call in question standard scenarios of female life. To keep in itself ability to be surprised, start everything anew and to thank. From time to time to do something only for soul and to look for those - men and women, - with whom it is possible to divide this experience. To find an opportunity to say “by the voice and about what is important for you“. In psychotherapeutic group or somewhere still is already details. And to answer itself questions: “What I actually want? What caused my choice „ to work “ or „ not to work? “ What it is really necessary for me for happiness?“

Dolgopolov Nifont Borisovich is the director of the Moscow institute of a Gestalt and the psychodrama, the trainer of the international class (the certificate a Gestalt - the therapist of GATLA). Witz - the president of the Russian association of the psychodrama. The host of long-term programs of preparation a Gestalt - therapists and psikhodramatist. Participant of the international and Russian conferences. Develops specialization in psychotherapy - to a futuropraktik (work with the future):

“The subject of gender roles, sotsio - cultural stereotypes about men and women is not simple for discussion as I realize that and washes away under the guise of the expert - the psychotherapist to pull out the personal male addictions and own patterns of relationship with women. The only way not to get confused is to recognize that in these comments not to do without such mixture and an emotional inclusiveness. I will note also that I will try to occupy in some sense an opposite position in relation to Ekaterina Mikhaylova`s comment or even to the introduction text as the opposition and dialogue of the Man and Woman is interesting to me in this subject (on condition of avoiding of sexist rigidity on both sides).

In - the first, my relation to the heading “Family or Career, Profession or Motherhood“. Well why at once in such subject “the profession or paternity“, as if contradictions between family roles and professional is not included polarity, career men have less? Not only it is not less, but also it is more! As, as a rule, men think much less and realize about those contradictions. Why? Yes besides owing to steady culturally - historical examples of man`s behavior - a strong inclusiveness of men in any Activity (production of mammoths, construction of the house, business creation - in this case does not play a role, what this activity) and smaller orientation and an inclusiveness in the Relations (the relations of chiefs and subordinates, the relations between the man and the woman, the relations parents - children or any other).

Moreover, with development of the movement for equality of women in the social sphere (a profession, career, socially - the political movements, management of society etc.) and discussion in mass media of these subjects, resources of understanding of women and their competence of the decision socially - psychological and psychological gender problems sharply grew. While the men “put“ in a rank of the stronger sex actually have no socially - psychological space for development of the understanding and capacity in the solution of relational and other problems with women... My quite wide experience of work with men`s psychological groups shows that vulnerability and psychological weakness of men at collision with gender subjects everything are above, than at women... Especially as “women`s groups“ in society are legalized in much bigger degree, than man`s (both women, and third-party men often laugh at the last: “Well and what you are engaged there?...)

If in social spheres of life during 19 - 20 - x centuries “official recognition“ of the right of women for career, the social status, etc. (real equality does not follow from the formal right, as we know, - the majority of the leading posts still borrow men), then similar equality of men in microsociety - for example happened, concerning the formal right for the relations with children at divorce - it is not so obvious to me.

In my opinion, and the amount of reproaches which is received by men from women that men “devote not enough time to a family, the spouse, and especially children“ obviously exceeds amount of reproaches to which treat the man`s women that they “are insufficiently successful in work“. (To be fair I will note that in the relation business - the lady, men often act as the accusers complaining of neglect women household chores)

Treating Ekaterina Mikhaylova`s phrase that the sphere of pedagogics and psychology “is historically attributed to the woman“, I will tell from the man`s point of view that on the one hand the role of the teacher and psychologist is attributed by society to women, and on the other hand, and it is protected by them in some sense from men. As I worked hard (and I continue to work) both in the field of education and in the sphere of psychology and psychotherapy, repeatedly noticed also complaints of women - teachers and psychologists about that, “as it is not enough at us men“, and the microactions leading to replacement of men from these spheres (insufficient emotional support, inaccurate criticism, etc.) . I will not hide that many women this situation is realized and admits, and also the fact that similar processes concerning women are supported by men in the field of business and policy.

Nevertheless, it is important to recognize that in a question - so who (men or women) in the social or psychological plan is stronger and protected in this or that area it can be solved only in a dialectic key: women can emphasize the difficulties and will be absolutely right, and men will be right concerning protrusion of the problems. A dilemma “What of these two „ “ camps; „ more to the right “?“ it can be resolved only through the answer:“ Both camps in the point of view “are more right“.

with what I absolutely agree

A with Ekaterina - so it that irrespective of a difficult situation in society concerning women or men (whom and where supports society in general and separate family or other groups more), happiness of the specific woman or certain man depends on sensibleness them own requirements and on their personal choice:

What my individual choice: how many to me it is necessary to devote Professionalizing time, Career, Self-realization in work now (as the situation can change), and what is the time and forces I am going to give to the Family, the Spouse (spouse), Children, Friends? (The choice removes also the problem designated in the introduction text about“ excessive psychological overloads“ as „ to embrace immensity “ also it is impossible and it is necessary for nobody).

are absolutely equal to

I in need of the solution of this question and the Man, and Woman. As well as in the right to conduct negotiations with the partner on protection of the needs for the relation of work and a family (certainly, with preservation of respect for needs of the partner). “