Mother and the stepmother (part 2) of
If the woman marries such man for any mercantile reasons - then children are perceived not as continuation of darling, and as a persuasive obstacle to achievement of the purpose or as something getting in the way. Then it is as much as necessary possible to lisp - the child will feel insincerity of your relations and will soon become embittered on you. Then nothing will remain to you how to become the angry stepmother... But if you sincerely apprehend the child - that and he to you will stretch with all the heart. Though, maybe, not at once.
children have a jealousy too, and sometimes very strong. It is shown besides where the child is forced to fight for the power. In particular, for attention of the father. If in the first family the child was fooled around, he of course, will not want that new mother established the orders and became main for the father... Alas, it is difficult to child to explain that it is things incomparable. But to tell that even if his father loves you, he from it will not begin to love less the child - it is possible. And if the child protests against now the world does not rotate around it one - such reproaches can and be ignored. Eventually, once it is necessary to begin to raise the person from the spoiled egotsentrist, otherwise it will mount upon a neck and to you, and to the father, and both of you will never be able to please it.
Often children are jealous of so-called memory of parents: “The father, you loved mother earlier, and now love other aunt?“ Here it is not necessary to philosophize that the love happens not once excessively: if the child is small, he will not understand it and will consider that you answer if only it lagged behind. (And if the child - the teenager, he, as a rule, does not ask such questions). Tell your kid honestly that you with mother did not have relations and therefore you left... And that who will tell “Here you see how it is dangerous to show at the child that parents love each other!“ I will tell: it too not confirmation that parents at the child have to be hypocrites. Yes. the child has to see that parents are pleasant each other. But if the situation turns into predivorce, there for certain will be not kisses and embraces, but showdowns or silent intensity... Well the love did not turn out at parents, and kisses before divorce was for certain less, than tension. Therefore kisses let will be, but not demonstrative. If your relations worsen, do not embrace before the child, letting it know that all at you as it should be. Besides, the child will feel nenastoyashchest such embraces.
I main - you learn to communicate that in the second family not to walk smack in predivorce. And for this purpose, marrying again with the child hands, look for first of all darling and the loving wife, but not the housewife and not the nurse to the child. Otherwise all problems with the angry stepmother will be yours. In that case it is cheaper to employ the housemaid or the nurse for money...
Yes, a lot of things depend on the child`s attitude towards the father. If the child got used to manipulate the father and considers the father by the inseparable property, then two will face “silent jealousy again“ (if the stepmother enters fight for the father too). The child begins to use the same methods: meanness and dirty tricks stealthily. Examples as much as necessary: from ruin of a new cosmetics bag of the father`s wife before sinking in a toilet bowl of personal savings of the unfortunate woman, and even an open yabednichaniye that today - “to it the unfamiliar man came“ though actually was nobody... And the main thing, the stepmother is often simply not able to punish the child or to answer it with the same (to whom as the intelligence allows): in any conflict of the child with the stepmother any steadily supports “orphan“ and brands “the angry stepmother“.
the Exit here one, and especially it is good for fairly clever and self-assured wives. We speak here: child, stepmother, and where, I`m sorry, father? It is time to come to the father to the arena of the interpersonal relations in own family. In other words, if you consider to sort out the relations with the child of your husband below own advantage - ask for the help directly his father. And do not set the father on the child, behaving as small, and seriously talk as two adults that all of you should change communication tactics. In particular, if the child fights for the father - so means, communication with the father in some degree follows him to impose. If the child demands that parents went with it to a zoo or at cinema - to tell: “I have no time, go with the father“. (Certainly, you will have enough maturity not to suffer what you did not get to a zoo?). Show that all of you do not seek to take away from it the father that you are sure that the child - to you at all not the competitor. And if the child wants to gossip on you to the father - already the father should represent awareness:“ Ah, you about it? Thanks. I already know. And it is absolutely uninteresting... “And the father has to punish for the ruined mother`s things too, and it is not obligatory physically. And not for the fact that it spoiled property of the stepmother (otherwise the child right there will open a new round of race for power: how it, feels sorry for the father for her things?) and for the fact that it in principle spoiled a thing which costs money (even if it was just memorable inexpensive souvenir) and now it is necessary to buy new therefore the child will remain without roller skates or a trip on excursion...
Certainly, all this is possible only in case the father on I.Q. and the relation to house is capable of such judicious behavior, worthy heads of the family - that leader who cares for wellbeing of All the subordinates equally and ensures their safety. If the father applies for a role of the head only he was left alone and “dealt with the babsky and children`s problems“ - can safely overthrow such father from a family throne. It, as they say, did not justify trust. And ate it also seriously treats the child`s slanders concerning visits of the unknown man - then clearly that at the father at and for roles of the head of the family it sticks to a problem with a personal self-assessment only because wears trousers, and actually does not cope with this role.
, as a rule, “child“ and the father with the new wife live In such situation separately and if is not present-... that well, as they say, the father knew what he went on. Difficulties will be for certain.
Tension in such situation happens when the child, adult on the passport, still frankly parasitizes on the father, using his finance and the other benefits. And business even not in inheritance (though in it there is the stumbling block), and in loss of momentary, today`s benefits from the father. The father, being lonely, for certain threw up to the daughter on life when it came to him to erase - to clean. And now it does not need its help - it is time, and for certain will reduce the sponsor`s help - it is two... Plus besides inheritance, apartment... Generally, if the father wishes to marry very young - he should separate before from the parasitizing adult children. Like, you have the life, and at me - the. At least, guarantee of peaceful existence in this case - if the father`s marriage does not touch children in any way and can be considered only as the next eccentricity of the old daddy. If children just are on friendly terms with the father - they for certain will not need to explain that that the their father will be happier, the children will get more joyful communication with it (certainly, it is still a question whether the father will be happy in new marriage, but not about it the speech now). And the main thing - that the father does not leave them, does not leave them to the mercy of fate.
generally, formation of the relations of the stepmother and child - care not only stepmothers, but also the father - first of all. In general it is unworthy to throw the defender and the head of the family the stepmother on worry to the child: a pier, will understand. It is necessary to understand that in this triangle the father - a cornerstone that as a result for it there is a fight and that it as to nobody else possesses the leading role here, and to withdraw in this situation - no other than psychological cowardice. And if the father himself places everything in places (of course, not from the point of view of a brute force), then the conflict of the stepmother with the child can not be...our old movie which and is called is Very indicative
in this regard: “Stepmother“. Doronina`s heroine during all picture tries to establish kind relationship with the husband`s child at whom mother died. The poor woman and so to the girl, and so, and people around after it only “the Stepmother!!!“ But here that interestingly: the father in this conflict provided everything to solve to the wife. And it is clear why: it is gnawed by a peculiar sense of guilt, the daughter - that not from the first wife, and from the casual mistress, and he admitted in this regard only because the girl unexpectedly - unexpectedly remained an orphan... And so, as they say, the man was killed into a crack and does not breathe: instead of the help to the wife he left her actually to the mercy of fate - to sort out the relations both with the girl, and with the native son, and with the public... Active participation in this process would be the best justification of “fault“ if it needs to consider it as fault. So is not present - the head of the family hid and a nose does not show... Here to you and head. Yes actually, it turns out that the wife in this family the head, isn`t it?